£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

[berki]

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

Why have you posted op?

You're clearly unwilling to take on board any other opinions than your own.

You're father is right.

Only you know how temporary this situation is. But in your circumstances I wouldn’t be throwing money down the drain on daily Deliveroos. Going to Macdonalds / Starbucks etc while not ideal is cheaper and at least has the advantage of getting you out the house!

You’re young with a good job, few responsibilities, disposable income and living in one of the most exciting cities in the world - enjoy yourself!

You say that you are saving and that this isn’t a regular occurrence so it sounds like you have a good balance. I think people on this thread are being overly dramatic - you are spending the money on delicious food, and fun times with your friends, not class A drugs like many of your peers certainly are!

Going forward, don't rely on overdraft/credit.
If you want to spend extra then save for it extra in the months prior to the spending.
So Christmas coming up with extra partying? Then put money aside in Sept, Oct, Nov to pay for it.

Maybe put less into your 'non-touchable' savings each month, but have a separate 'touchable savings' for Christmas and holidays etc?

How does he even know?

That was my first thought as well. Yes it's a lot of money but it's your decision to make. Eating out can be very expensive.

I accidentally let it slip that I'm in my overdraft

How can that "accidentally" slip out? Either you tell your father about your financial situation or you don't. Stop telling him this stuff.

Anyway, your Dad is right that it's a bad use of an overdraft and you'd better hope your company aren't planning a round of Christmas redundancies. But it's your mistake to make and not really his business.

It's just unfortunate my dad made me get a fixed ISA

You are over 18. In the UK your Dad can't force you to get or keep any kind of account. It's your money, open whatever kind of account you want with it.

intentionally make me feel irresponsible? Wish he would just let me enjoy it and write it off as an anomaly. I've been responsible for the previous 2 months.

2 months? 2 years and I might say, OK push the boat out this once. But 2 months? You suddenly did come across as a bit silly and irresponsible.

My savings have gone into invest ISA which I can't access.

Will you be able to access your savings if you get made redundant? If not then you really do need to save a "cushion" in a cash account as well, before you splash out.

I disagree with most here. Its a lot of money, but it's okay to have a blowout once in awhile. Presumably you aren't going to be doing this next month so it's not 'robbing Peter to pay Paul', as it's just going to be paid off for good and you won't be spending it again it's none of your Dads business frankly and whether you do or don't pay rent is irrelevant. If you had no steady income it would be different. I have no idea what people are going on about saying it's only the 7th! Maybe she gets paid on the 10th for example? Not everyone is paid at the beginning or end of the month.

Your dad is right. You're in for a real shock when your relative comes back and you have to pay rent. What a waste. You're in debt.

My DD will be just like OP. (sigh)
The 3 DSs are all frugal... and then there's "lack of money should never hold me back" DD.
DD has already tapped into her inheritance early... I'll be livid in my grave if she makes a fuss about this when my will is read out.

I really want a YADBVU vote button now.

We all have ways of dealing with stuff, sometimes extravagance is the order of the day. It won't last, you'll find a balance sooner or later.

Do you really have to tell your dad everything? I wouldn't.

Today 15:09 berki

I accidentally let it slip that I'm in my overdraft - he's an accountant so very switched on re finances.

This made me chuckle. Someone letting slip they’re in their overdraft and someone extrapolating from that there the other person has been living beyond their means is hardly a sign they are particular “switched on!

@ lljkk - often the kids who take more financial risks in early life to achieve their ambitions, do end up in better paying jobs (as OP has) as they have a more balanced attitude to risk. I was similar to OP - would save, but spend heavily too, and at the same time need to apply for better paying jobs to get the lifestyle I wanted and then as I began to see how my savings were building up I added more and more, and now I am more successful, earn more money, have more savings etc than my more measured siblings.

You do realise most companies pay early at christmas, so your 'next payday' will probably have to last 6 weeks. So will you be using your overdraft again, and this will quickly become a habit.

I too lived in London as a singleton
Ten years ago. I was on >£50k, on an upward career trajectory, lovely flat share with two kiwi girls off High Street Ken.

I absolutely haemorrhaged money. One and out, socialising, spa treatments, clothes.

It was ridiculous but SO much fun and now I’m a very sensible working single parent with a tight and meticulous approach to finances... I’m so pleased I had though frivolous years

‘There is literally no consequence’ since the overdraft is 0%.

Well, not entirely true since, as it’s only 7th December and there is some time until payday. You are going to be very significantly overdrawn by payday so when you are paid (and since most employers pay before Christmas, January is a very long month)’
, it highly likely that you will still be in debt in January.

Have you got more socialising between now and New Year? Yes, no doubt. Your Dad is right to be worried. Don’t go to him for a handout when you realise you can’t actually pay those bills you mentioned.

A relative is subsidising your lifestyle. This usually comes with the expectation that you will not squander that advantage. You are far from being a fully independent adult OP.

Absolutely!

Why are you here, asking a community of people probably closer to your dad's age for validation then getting annoyed and defensive when people point out perhaps your dad has a point?

As a public service announcement I read this week that the days of living in your overdraft will soon be over - the rules have changed and some banks are going to start charging 40% interest on pre arranged overdrafts.

Meh, it's not a usual set of circumstances so don't beat yourself up or listen to the paragons of virtue on this thread.

You're not relying on benefits to top,you up and no kids are going hungry. Just tighten your belt in January like everyone else.

Your dad doubtless loves you and worries that this might be typical behaviour. If it is purely a once off, don't worry about it. If in all honesty this is typical 'you' then think about what you can take on from this.

* Why are you here, asking a community of people probably closer to your dad's age for validation then getting annoyed and defensive when people point out perhaps your dad has a point?*

And why are you, as this young carefree living the London high life.... even on mumsnet, let alone starting a thread canvassing opinion of people mainly in a very different stage of life to you

I agree that if your relatives are supporting you thinking that they love you and really want you to have this chance to save £1000s for a deposit, and they are willing to give up the chance to get say £1000/month in rent for the flat to give you this chance, then it is a kick in the teeth for you to be in your overdraft, winging about "having" to have an ISA and having an "well I'm only young once" attitude and burning through £400 on meals and takeaways in a week!
You are only young once. At this time in your life you're "young once" every week, every month, though. And for many, it's only "single, high rent, house share, £30-100left at the end of the month" once - yeah splurge with the £30-100, stay out all night, whatever.. . You could also think "I only have free rent once"
I think it sound like you'd be better to pay your relatives the ~£1000/month, and if they really want to, they could save that for you, or some portion of it. After all it'd be £36K after 3 years! Not a London deposit, but a huge chunk.

All those people saying she can't afford it because she have an overdraft - 1. the overdraft is interest free and 2. she has savings so it's more of a cash flow issue than not being able to afford it.

Having said that, it's a lot of money. If I go on a holiday where I'm eating out two or three meals a day, I usually spend under £50 a day including other spending money so it sounds like expensive meals every day, not just eating out.

So there are a few separate considerations here.

1. Going into debt when you have savings. Usually a no-no BUT can make sense if you gain more interest on the savings then you pay on the debt, or if it reduces a lifetime cost (eg the earlier you start paying into a repayment mortgage, the fewer years you pay for housing overall). In your case your overdraft is free so assuming your overall cash management is good I see no issue in using a free overdraft to smooth out an expensive month. In fact from a purely economic perspective you should be maxing out the free overdraft and putting the money in a high interest vehicle! But as a pp said, unless you are disciplined enough to treat the interest free overdraft as a smoothing buffer only, if you are going to lock up most of your savings you really do need an instant access savings buffer.

1. Spending a lot on going out at Christmas. Assuming you are in London and something like financial services, this is pretty standard and although not compulsory you can choose to see it as an investment in your career. I am guessing it’s your first Christmas in your new career and you didn’t anticipate quite how much it would cost. That’s fine as long as you now pay it off ASAP and if you do want to keep it up, make sure you budget for a realistic amount next year.

1. Deliveroo for breakfast. If it made the difference between making it into work and not then probably worth it, otherwise not one to make a habit out of. Find a good cafe on the way to work instead.

It's your money and it's your choice. If you were doing it every month then that might be something to have a good long think about, but it isn't and it's in the run up to Christmas when everything can get a bit mental. When I was around your age, earning relatively decent money and it was this time of year I spent money I really shouldn't have on eating out, drinking out and buying fancy clothes to wear eating out, drinking out and partying. It generally made January a bit of a month of despair, but that was on me.

Your dad has every right to be a bit irked or a bit disappointed, but he also has no right to give you a bollocking for a one-off. Don't feel guilty or embarrassed and don't let slip money stuff in future.

My dh is similar
I don't smoke or drink or even have many take aways. But he constantly says I waste my money on chocolate and Diet Coke. I keep saying well, it's my money I can spend what I like. I probably spend ten pounds a week on it. It's not much compared to someone who smokes 20 cigarettes a day!!