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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

449 replies

berki · 07/12/2019 15:06

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

OP posts:
PineappleDanish · 07/12/2019 16:32

You're spending WAY beyond your means though if you're living rent free and only having to cover bills. Your dad is right that you're in a very fortunate situation and should be stashing away as much cash as you can in savings.

By all means enjoy yourself. You only live once and you're a long time dead. But spending loads when you're in your overdraft is really irresponsible and your dad is right.

GCAcademic · 07/12/2019 16:35

A relative is subsidising your lifestyle. This usually comes with the expectation that you will not squander that advantage.

^This. I can see why your dad might be annoyed.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/12/2019 16:35

I guess it very much depends will you be able to survive on what is left of your overdraft until payday? Will you be able to survive next month on what is left of your wages after your overdraft is cleared.? Or might you need to borrow from you DF. If you have been sensible 2 months but obviously your next payday will encompass NYE celebrations. Will you be sensible then?

Alez · 07/12/2019 16:36

I think you can spend what you like, and I can see how it would be easy to spend £400 on christmas meals if you had lots of seeing friends/family/colleagues booked in at nice places. However, it is pretty ridiculous to spend that much if it puts you in your overdraft by the 7th of the month (assuming you get paid at the end of the month)!

I've been in your situation of getting the well-paying grad job, being recently out of studenthood and feeling super rich, but just be careful because it gets spent easily and it's easy to get into debt little by little. When I was in my grad job and my salary went up a chunky amount every year, I always took the view that as long as I could get out of debt by having one tight month it would always be ok, and just made sure to stick to that.

Ragwort · 07/12/2019 16:37

You say this is your first grad job, did your dad support you through uni by topping up your maintenance loan? I can understand him feeling a bit annoyed if you spend so much in one month on eating out. You clearly can’t afford it if you have gone into an overdraft.

UrsulaPandress · 07/12/2019 16:38

You are young.

You will learn the hard way.

And you really need to learn to cook a decent breakfast.

AnathemaPulsifer · 07/12/2019 16:39

YABU to use an overdraft to pay for eating out. You need to be more responsible with your money.

MummaGiles · 07/12/2019 16:41

Well if you're in your overdraft then you can't "afford it", can you!

Exactly this

ysmaem · 07/12/2019 16:42

£400 is one week is absolutely ridiculous. You dad was right to tell you that also.

Alez · 07/12/2019 16:43

Gosh just seen you don't pay rent, yet still in your overdraft. I can see why your dad told you off. You are an adult but you don't actually have adult responsibilities (like rent), and are spending like a teenager, so I can see why he's trying to instil a bit of financial responsibility in you. Anyway it seems to have worked if you think it was a waste?

SweetAsSpice · 07/12/2019 16:43

You’re an adult, so if you earn your money it’s yours to spend. However you speak as though there’s no consequence to you going into your overdraft. Of course not. You pay no rent!

And THAT is a slippery slope if ever I saw one.

lilgreen · 07/12/2019 16:44

If you’re in your overdraft then you can’t afford it. It’s your life but that does sound a ridiculous amount.

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/12/2019 16:44

Your dads right, it’s only the 7th and your in your overdraft.

mynameiscalypso · 07/12/2019 16:44

I'm an accountant who is married to an accountant and who is the daughter of two accountants and I don't think you've done anything wrong! I could easily spend that much on food/drinks when I was a grad especially if you factor in booze - now I've had a baby, I'm a cheap date though. It's only one week!

I'm going out tonight and am totally tempted to deliveroo some breakfast in the morning though now...

cannycat20 · 07/12/2019 16:46

As others have said, it's your choice, but blimey, that's more than we spend on 2 adults and 2 cats for a month. That includes an organic meat box, a veg box, a sustainable fish and local organic dairy box, treats for the cats, and Purina cat food (they have days when they turn their noses up at Iams or Whiskas and other days when they love it), top up convenience store trips, a fish supper or pizza or other takeaway once a week, and at least one very nice meal a month with drinks out at a local family run restaurant or nice local small gastropub chain where the food is pretty much cooked in front of you. Plus toiletries and cleaning stuff and essential clothes like tights.

We don't live in London though so maybe our expectations are a little different (and no, we don't live "up north", not yet anyway). I hope the food was good for that price at least...

MrsWombat · 07/12/2019 16:46

Not RTFT but read the Barefoot Investor and Dave Ramsey's 7 baby steps and sort your finances and priorities out. Also, don't tell your dad anything, although he's right you should be worried!

Velveteenfruitbowl · 07/12/2019 16:47

Everyone does this (or similar, we’re not all gluttons) when they get their first well paid job. So long as it’s a one off I don’t see the issue. You really should start investing now. You have time on your side and minimal living costs.

CottonSock · 07/12/2019 16:48

I'd love to have a go at spending that much! I'm fairly extravagant and wouldn't get through that much even on holiday.

lilgreen · 07/12/2019 16:48

An overdraft is money you don’t have. It’s borrowing whether it’s interest free or not. Duh!

KittyMarmalade · 07/12/2019 16:50

That's £60 a day Xmas Shock
You can't afford it if you're already in overdraft.
Even if you could afford it, I still think it's a bit immoral to consume so conspicuously. Think of the good even a quarter of that money would do if donated a homeless soup kitchen. I personally would feel guilty on that score alone.

Jellybeansincognito · 07/12/2019 16:51

£400 on food if you can afford it- whatever.

You clearly couldn’t afford it because you’re now in your overdraft, I think you’re missing your dads point entirely.

Honeysucklerose1 · 07/12/2019 16:53

Your father wants what is best for you. He wants you to be financially secure and independent. I can empathise with him. He is trying to advise you how to manage your money and he seems like a good role model in that respect. (From what you have said) You are young and how you spend your money is up to you, just keep his good advice at the back of your mind.

JenniferM1989 · 07/12/2019 16:54

You worked for it, you can spend it how you see fit as long as you don't go too far into your overdraft and you can pay it off quickly

MitziK · 07/12/2019 16:54

The thing is that, on top of that four hundred on food and drinks, you've got travel to work, bills, normal food, clothing, washing, more trips out for Christmas, Christmas presents and everything else you would spend in December. Then you're likely to spend your December salary (which usually comes just before Christmas), then there's New Year, January sales, things to 'cheer you up' in the dark on mid January - and you've got to wait for six weeks to be up before you get your January salary, which then is reduced due to your overspending, you stay in your overdraft until the end of February, etc, etc.

It is incredibly easy to overspend once and then find out, although you thought you'd cover it easily and anybody who says it's a crap idea is obviously being patronising, that you've actually fucked yourself financially for at least 3 months.

Your dad will have dealt with many clients who on paper, have shedloads of money prior to Christmas, but are screwed for months afterwards, take out expensive credit to get through January, never pay it off and it all spirals.

Nothing feels as shit as realising on Boxing Day that you've already spunked what you need to function through the month and a half between paycheques. Except for having your card declined in the supermarket on January 8th and wondering how you're going to make it through another 3 weeks/get to work in the morning.

BritWifeinUSA · 07/12/2019 16:55

@cannycat20 where do you shop that you can get all that at less than £100 a week including takeaways, essential clothes and a restaurant? I’m genuinely interested as we are going to the UK for a few weeks to visit and staying in an Air BnB and I’m working out how much we will need to budget.