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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£400 on eating out in one week - aibu?

449 replies

berki · 07/12/2019 15:06

Just had a massive bollocking off of my dad who now thinks I am beyond irresponsible. I am a grown woman!

This is by no means a normal occurrence. I feel weirdly embarrassed and anxious now which is making it all the worse.

I've just started my first grad job in London - making good money (for a singleton at least). In my defence, there have been A LOT of Xmas meals and drinks this week and I've spoilt myself (going through a breakup). Could have gone for cheaper options but I've literally thought "fuck it". Have also ordered deliveroo for breakfast to cure a hangover - not sure I've ever done that before.

AIBU to think yeah it's a lot but as a one-off and in the context of Xmas it's understandable and my dad should back off - he's offered looking after my account! Don't see the point of being bad to feel shit about it now.

It isn't ideal but I can "afford" it for one month. Does seem a massive waste tbh.

OP posts:
SunnyCoco · 07/12/2019 22:48

My first ever deletion and it was for saying OP sounded childish 😂 amazing 😂

NoooorthonerMum · 07/12/2019 22:53

I picked YABU because if you're living rent free you really should save the amount you would be spending in rent. I say this because otherwise in your first grad job you'll get used to an unrealistic amount of disposable income and find it really hard to save in the future. It's also an amazing opportunity to save for a deposit and you should take advantage. You don't have to never ever have a splurge but going into your overdraft on eating out weeks before Christmas is a bit daft and you should definitely have a plan about how much you spend and save each month (broken down into weeks too).

Phew999 · 07/12/2019 23:12

I agree with @MummytoCSJH- the OP hasn’t actually said when her next payday is. I get paid on the 15th of each month, so if I was currently in that position, I wouldn’t have that long to wait!

Pixxie7 · 07/12/2019 23:15

It’s your choice but do think it is a tad irresponsible especially if your not paying any rent or interest on you overdraft. What happens if you have to pay for somewhere to live and I presume you have a student loan to repay. However unless you owe your parents any money your dad should really stay out of it.

Hairyfairy01 · 07/12/2019 23:30

I actually find it a bit sad that you are happy to spend that much money when there is so much poverty around.

SheilaBruce · 07/12/2019 23:31

It depends on a couple of things. How much overdraft? Can it be cleared next month without impacting on your savings?

If you're in small overdraft with an everyday account but still have a separate savings account that's accruing nicely, then I think it's perfectly reasonable to have a splurge. You said you have an ISA but how much is it really receiving? Are you putting away (as absolute minimum) the equivalent of the typical monthly rent you'd be paying?

You say you're "earning a good wage for a singleton" while also living rent free. This is a golden opportunity to set yourself up. You're extremely fortunate. Don't blow it. I think that's where your dad's concern lies... squandering a chance to build up a nice foundation while gaining unfortunate spending habits that'll do you no good in the future.

DdraigGoch · 08/12/2019 01:04

Getting breakfast delivered? It takes two minutes to microwave some porridge or make some toast.

wasthatamistake · 08/12/2019 01:43

It's £400. It's done. Don't tell your dad anything about your finances in future. If your bills are paid and you have money going into savings then what you do with the rest is no ones business but your own. I doubt every young grad out there is always sensible with money. Don't worry about it.

Bouledeneige · 08/12/2019 02:08

It is none of your Dads business. But you let on so what do you expect? You probably ought to have a more mature relationship with him so that you're not letting slip such stuff. Lesson learnt. You behave like a kid he will respond like you're a naughty girl.

I live in London and regard myself as quite extravagant (six figure salary). I probably eat out twice a week usually, drink cocktails, taxi home etc and even I think £400 on eating out in one week is going some! Blimey. But I don't really do flash as I prefer a more down to earth atmosphere and think spending loads of money on food and drink is wasteful.

I think your view of your overdraft is a bit blasé. December is an expensive month with presents to buy, social events etc and I'm sure you will have more spending to come. You'd be well advised to really have a quiet month next month and rein in your spending so you don't roll-over the overdraft. Thinking you have no interest to pay is making it too easy for you to live beyond your means. If you suddenly have a big bill to pay you will be stuffed.

Gingerkittykat · 08/12/2019 02:33

Howmuch did you spend on the rest of the night out? I mean things like taxis, clothes and make up?

Yes, you are irresponsible and entitled and your dad is just looking out for you.

DowntownAbby · 08/12/2019 05:10

YABU.

You can't afford it; you've had to borrow the money to do it.

Absolutely bonkers and irresponsible.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/12/2019 05:39

If you are in a grad job in london you will be being paid monthly towards the end of each month. Its only the 8th, if you are already in the overdraft you absolutely can't even nearly afford it.

The money from your first job has completely gone to your head & you are being in idiot.

You have an unbelievable opportunity living rent free to save like crazy and buy your own place. You will regret it pissing money away when you are complaining about the huge deposit neededto buy a flat in a few years time.

Grow up & learn that it's not cool to spend so much.

Angie6868 · 08/12/2019 08:48

You're saying that you don't need his approval which is fine. But the fact that you are posting about this indicates that you do want his approval and that it is bothering you.

If you had to use your overdraft facility to pay for it it then you definitely can't afford it. It's ok saying that your overdraft will be paid off with your next paycheck, but you have still been living beyond your means this month. Personally I think it's highly irresponsible, but it's your life and your decision.

Bluesheep8 · 08/12/2019 09:01

None of his business but it's more than we spend on food for a month.

Frenchw1fe · 08/12/2019 09:19

If you really felt you were not irresponsible then you wouldn't be on MN.
£400 in a week on food and drink for one is pretty obscene imo. It's not even your money because you're in an overdraft so borrowing off all the sensible people.
Logically if no-one ever had spare money in their account or savings you couldn't do this.

The banks will love you though because once they've got you hooked they'll reel you in.

Moominfan · 08/12/2019 09:21

. I appreciate his advice but I don't need his approval.

Tell him

haggistramp · 08/12/2019 09:31

Yanbu. So what if you strayed into your overdraft. If it's going to be paid on pay day I'm not seeing th big deal. Your young an single and if you wanna splurge 400 on something (be it food/ drink /a fancy handbag etc) as long as it's not a regular occurrence then why the fuck not, not your fault other people cant. You said you're saving money into an isa separately so your not irresponsible.

Rezie · 08/12/2019 09:31

Meh... sometimes there are these weeks when there are a lot of events. Sometimes weeks go when you don't eat take a way at all. I can understand that your dad is worries that you are in overdraft but if you can cover it next month then why not. You need to stop telling your dad about your finances.

I personally put money aside from my pay check immediately. Sometimes I go above my budget for a month and use creditcard. Then pay it off next month and put a bit less to savings or rebudget the month. Technically some months I live on credit but I'm reality I don't live above my means cause I can just pay it off next month.

CountFosco · 08/12/2019 09:33

How much are you saving each month? Do you have more in savings than the size of your overdraft by the point you get paid? Are you being irresponsible with money or just a bit careless since there's no major impact of using your overdraft?

I'm a lot older than you and despite having a high salary my current account is currently overdrawn (within my arranged interest free overdraft). However the overdraft on that account is less than 1% of my savings elsewhere and the joint account also has a buffer in it that is much larger than the overdraft on my current account, I've just not shifted the money around yet to sort out the issue must get off MN and do it. It is not always as straightforward as overdraft = irresponsible with money and destined to a life of debt. Of course if my grandfather (was a banker) had told me off I'd have said 'it's trivial, I just need to move some savings across' and that would have been the end of the discussion.

Oh, and DH spent over £400 on a single meal once, it was our wedding anniversary and we went to a Michelin starred restaurant, it's just as easy to spend masses of money on eating out as it is on any kind of leisure activity if you want to.

Willow2017 · 08/12/2019 09:36

1.the overdraft is interest free and 2. she has savings so it's more of a cash flow issue than not being able to afford it.

1 it still.has to.be paid back.out of this month's wage do she is £400 down already in Jan. Plus she still has 2 weeks of this month left I bet she has to spend £ on food and travel and going out for those weeks.

  1. She cannot access her savings at all so has no buffer for times like this.

OP.
managing your money properly for 2 months isn't a guage of how smart you are when you are in debt by the 3rd month!
Yes we all splurge out when young but need to see the consequences of it too. You are going to be short of money for rest of month and adding more £ to your o/d to boot and it all has to be paid back. Jan needs to be a minimum spend month to prevent you going back Into your overdraft.
Living on an o/d when you are earning good money and single with no rent is not managing your money by any stretch of the imagination.
You need to set up a savings account as a buffer you can access immediately so you don't get into money holes again. Don't touch it till there is a good amount in it. You never know when you might need to fork out for something unexpected.

Everyone would agree we tend to go.a bit mad when we first start earning our own.money but posters are giving you good advice as we have learned the hard way that it has to be a one off and get back on track and have a bit of accessible savings for such times when we need to spend a bit more.

An overdraft isn't free money but you seem to think it is as you think that there are no.consequences to using it. There are.

anxioussue · 08/12/2019 09:37

It's fucking disgusting to spend that amount on food in a week. You should be ashamed of yourself

ainsisoisje · 08/12/2019 09:45

Everyone is allowed the odd blowout. I would try not to share that info with your dad though whilst having good intentions HIBU. Your money your decisions.

LaurieMarlow · 08/12/2019 09:48

Gosh OP, you’re getting a hard time on here.

Don’t worry about it, it’s typical enough behaviour from first jobbers with reasonable salaries.

Dipping into over draft isn’t something you should make a habit of, but as a once off it’s fine. You’re saving, that’s great.

And spending £400 on eating out, this time of year, in London, would be easily enough done.

😂 At the hung over deliveroo breakfast. I’m glad that deliveroo wasn’t around when I was that age, I’m sure I’d have been tempted.

Lulualla · 08/12/2019 09:50

@anxioussue

What? How? I've spent more than that for one dinner out on more than one occasion. But it's fine because its within my means.

The only issue here is whether or not its within your means. The OP has gone into debt and its only the first week of the month. That's a problem. But spending £400 in a week isn't the problem in itself; it's fine if its within your means.
I work hard. If I want to spend a lot on a nice dinner out then I will. It's my money and there is nothing disgusting about it.

LaurieMarlow · 08/12/2019 09:51

It's fucking disgusting to spend that amount on food in a week.

Why though? Plenty on here would spend 10s of thousands on a car and would defend to the death their right to do it. It’s the OP’s money.