To go on this trip even though DH is ill?

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I'm supposed to be going to see a friend this weekend, across the Irish Sea. Two of us are going - the friend in question called in real distress (relationship breakdown) a couple of weeks ago so we booked this very last minute trip to see her and show our support.

The problem is that DH, who has had a lingering but nasty cold for weeks, has woken up with tonsillitis this morning. He says to still go but I know he's going to struggle to look after DS, who is a very lively and active 18 month old, on his own while ill (he's done it plenty of times when well, this isn't some 'man can't look after his own kid thing'). Last time he had tonsillitis he was very poorly. I don't think he'd go if it were the other way round, and I think both he and DS will have a rubbish weekend if I go.

I just don't know what to do - I'd definitely cancel if it were just a jolly, but it's not. I suspect, realistically, that if I don't go in this moment of need for my friend it'll be the end of the friendship. But on the other hand my other friend will still go, so it's not like I'm leaving devastated friend on her own. Argh, what to do?

To be clear for purposes of voting, the question is: would I be unreasonable to go (ie YABU=don't go, YANBU=go). The flight is at 8pm tonight so I need to make a decision fast and I don't know what to do for the best!

I wouldn’t go, I had tonsillitis last year and ended up going to A&E because I’ve got problem with antibiotics, I was literally sick and then very tired. I wouldn’t be able to look after toddler. It was just for 3 days but it completely covered the weekend.
And it wasn’t the first tonsillitis in my life (far from it) and it wasn’t the first time I was taking these antibiotics. I was very surprised to have it so badly.

Just go.

Yep, if his parents will come then the decision is easy.

Could the little one go with you? Infants don’t need a seat? You’d just need to add to the booking?

Thank you for all the advice - though the current 50-50 split shows my dilemma! Just got to work so will check in later.

I'm the only one in my friendship group with a child, and it's the classic thing - they feel like they've been very tolerant of my changed priorities but that I've been too flakey and unavailable, I think I try really hard and they don't always see what's possible for me.

It might not be an absolute friendship ender, but saying I'm not going in a real moment of crisis for my friend - and she's not a drama llama or anything, she's never called in such distress before - would, I think, change things permanently.

Why would it be the end of your friendship if you don’t go? That sounds pretty diva-ish to me. I wouldn’t be going for that reason alone. Being ill is shit, stay with your family. Let your other friend jump to diva’s tambourine.

With the additional info that your in-laws are around in case of real incapacity, then I'd go.

Don't understand the 'end of friendship' thing

Pretty dramatic unless you've let the friend down before.

Can you just go for one night?

Over the 'Irish sea' I took as you are going by ferry.

Cross posted. The whole being “tolerant” of your child and family thing makes them sound dreadful.

I would be prioritising my family in this instance.

Can his parents come and stay over for the weekend?

Do you have any local friends who could look after your child for a few hours here and there and give your DH a chance to rest? If he gets some antibiotics and painkillers I'd have thought that, with the occasional break, he could cope OK.

Tonsillitis when it's a minor really is a minor. That said 4 people at work got it last year and 2 ended up in hospital.

You are assuming the worst will happen, both that his illness will get worse and that they will have a horrible time. That might be true but equally, it might not be. They might have a great time, vegging out in front of the tv, DH might feel better, your PIL might take your toddler out. Anything could happen.

Even if they do have a shit weekend it won’t be the end of the world. It happens sometimes

Go on your trip. Take care of your friend and try to have fun.

in retrospect when my son was 18mo (he's a lively one!) i think it would be fine. he was (in retrospect!) very manageable. but now he's 2.5 and it would be a big fat NO as he's a nightmare without close management.

No I wouldn’t go. My DH and DC always take priority. The mere fact that it may be a deal breaker for your friend doesn’t sound good. She shd understand. Your other friend is going. So it isn’t like she will be Herself. You have said DH is telling you to go. He is being kind to you. If it was me I would repay the kindness and not go.

Is your son a good sleeper? If you know your dh will be able to get sleep then that would be ok.
If hes not a great sleeper I wouldn't go.

Go. His parents are available, and what do you think single parents do when they have tonsillitis? They cope, and he will too.

He's telling you to go, so just go.

I think if his parents are about U’d probably go. Can you take ds with you? That’s probably what I’d do if it’s possible

I'd take my dc with me if you could sort a travel cot, doesn't need too much else.

If not unless his parents will commit to coming and helping for the whole day I think he'll struggle. I remember when I last had tonsilitis my dh left me for an hour to get some shopping with the kids and was literally the longest hour of my life I felt so bad.

Otherwise, do you have any friends who can do ca few favours, if one can take dc for the morning, one for the afternoon etc?

It depends on how bad the tonsilitis is. If he's not going to the doctor about it today then he's well enough to mind a toddler for 2 days.
Has he a temperature?
The baby will be in bed from 7pm or so.
Many of we women out here have looked after kids single-handedly while feeling absolutely shit. Vomiting and diarrhea maybe not because you have to be physically out of the room.
If you DH was a single parent he'd have no choice but to mind the child!
It's only 2 days - it's not that often you get away on your own to visit someone. Your friendships are important too.

I would go. Get ready meals/easy prep meals in. Get his dp round a bit.

As a single parent with no family nearby I coped. It s one weekend and his parents can help out. Just make sure pain relief, drinks and snack food are in the cupboards and they'll be fine..

His parents are close at hand. Go.

tell dh to get to GP- I've ended up on antibiotics the last two times and the first time was really bad -
I thought it was just a get through it virus thing but not always! the 2nd time I knew!
If his parents can take DS out for a couple of hours exercise/soft play/swimming - and lunch then would go.... even if they end up with dominos in front of the telly for 1 night is no big deal.....

Definitely go he said to go and his parents are on standby to help out.