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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask school if being late just this one time could be changed on the register?

220 replies

Kimmykimkim36 · 05/12/2019 07:12

My son (7) has always had 100% attendance and punctuality at school. He also knows that at the end of term he gets a gold 100% badge and a certificate. He loves this!
I've been sick for the past 2 days and a lovely parent from school offered to bring him in, except on one of those days they got in around 5-10 mins late due to being stuck in traffic. AIBU to ask if this one episode of lateness could be changed on the register? He was so excited to be nearing the end of term, knowing he had been in on time everyday, but this one day of being late changes everything.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/12/2019 13:29

But some people have lives that mean even with the best of organisation being late will happen sometimes. I hate lateness with a passion but I am also the Mum of a disabled child so even then sometimes it’s out of my control. If he has problems with his morning feed, or we have had a bad night, or we need to control his breathing then we may be late. And that’s before adding in his anxiety issues which can make even getting out of the door a problem.

Other children may be carers for parents who need to make sure that they are sorted before they leave for school. Or may be from chaotic households with nobody to wake them up. Or parents may be leaving early for work meaning they are sorting themselves out

Yes in a lot of cases there is no need to be late but there are also a fair share of cases where the wider issues are responsible for the lateness

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2019 13:29

I honestly don't think anyone is saying that parents could control whether their child is ill or has a disability, @MintyMabel - I think they are saying that there are other factors which contribute to good attendance - like the effort that parents put in to making sure their child is at school as often as possible, and on time whenever possible.

SallyWD · 05/12/2019 13:37

You're really that worried about him having one late mark? Relax! It's not the end of the world!

Lizzie0869 · 05/12/2019 13:43

I'm sorry, that's a daft idea. OP. Attendance and punctuality awards would be meaningless if they didn't actually mean 100%.

100% attendance awards are ridiculous anyway. As PPs have said, all an attendance award means is that your DC has been been lucky enough to not get ill at all during term time.

rhubarbcrumbles · 05/12/2019 13:47

hate lateness with a passion but I am also the Mum of a disabled child so even then sometimes it’s out of my control. If he has problems with his morning feed, or we have had a bad night, or we need to control his breathing then we may be late

Forget what I said about organisation meaning you aren't late. Organisation for parents with children who don't have issues like this to deal with.

Flowers for Sirzy.

chinateapot · 05/12/2019 13:54

My child has not yet arrived in school on time this academic year.
Because she’s a bit tired what with all the chemo. But she has been into school every single day she’s felt well enough - even when she’s only managed half an hour. School have been amazingly supportive and flexible and I am really grateful for that.
So - yes - illness does mean lateness sometimes
Also, I was late to school most days in year 6. Because my mum was an alcoholic and drinking too much and the only way for me to get to school was for her to drive me . I was desperately upset about being late anyway. All the attendance awards in the world wouldn’t have helped me get there on time. Someone asking why I was persistently late though might just have helped.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 05/12/2019 14:40

@chinateapot you and your daughter are fantastic and I hope the chemos working well.

People like your daughter kicking ass and still making it to school are the ones who really deserve the awards.

MintyMabel · 05/12/2019 14:49

I think they are saying that there are other factors which contribute to good attendance - like the effort that parents put in to making sure their child is at school as often as possible, and on time whenever possible.

Ahh @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius the old "oh but I wasn't talking about you addendum"

That doesn't make it any better. Everyone has their battles. Mine is a disability. My sister's son was chronically slow at getting ready in the morning and despite how organised she is, sometimes he was late. Some people are dealing with mental health issues, there are all sorts of reasons for children to be late. But instead of understanding that, people just sit smug and judge.

chinateapot · 05/12/2019 14:49

@GiveHerHellFromUs thank you, I am super proud of my gorgeous daughter. And she is doing well, hopefully should make a full recovery

ActualHornist · 05/12/2019 15:09

YABU.

Is a register really a ‘legal record’? Have googled and this doc suggests that only presence/absence is required to be noted, not lateness. schoolleaders.thekeysupport.com/pupils-and-parents/absence-and-attendance/recording-attendance/reporting-attendance-records-statutory-requirements/

Devereux1 · 05/12/2019 15:10

chinateapot Yes we do agree! Smile

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2019 15:27

@MintyMabel - I definitely didn’t mean to sound smug, judgy or suggest I was saying ‘oh but I wasn’t talking about you’ - I apologise if that is how it came across.

In an earlier post, I think I was clearer - there are other factors that make it harder to have good attendance and punctuality - having a parent who is unwell or has a disability, having a disorganised or neglectful parent, something unforeseen happening just as you leave for school or on the way that holds you up unexpectedly - but as far as the child is concerned, they don’t have any control over these things (and the parents may not have much control over these things either), and it is therefore patently unfair to penalise the child for these things.

danni0509 · 05/12/2019 16:47

@chinateapot I hope your dd is ok Thanks

HolyheadBound · 05/12/2019 17:40

@PippiDeLena that's a fair point

Closetbeanmuncher · 05/12/2019 17:55

Same @Goodnightjude1

Xmas Biscuit 😬

gingerbiscuits · 05/12/2019 17:58

Speaking as a Teacher...no! Just no.

LittleOne61 · 05/12/2019 19:12

We use SIMS too... if they aren't there then we'd mark 'N' and if they turn up during tutor time then change it to / rather than L

I don't make the decisions - just have to follow direction! We've got a tight comment / detention situation and they can hardly give students detention for traffic totally beyond their control that staff have also been caught in.

PablosHoney · 05/12/2019 19:34

He’ll still get 100% attendance

PablosHoney · 05/12/2019 19:35

Oh and my senior school child has 100% attendance, through the sheer dumb luck of being healthy

MummytoCSJH · 05/12/2019 19:54

Yeah, no. As a disabled parent of a child with both a physical chronic illness and adhd.. I hate these awards. I hate '100%' awards when my child's only absences have been hospital appointments. I hate him being called up on lateness when I was suddenly in agony and had to wait for my medicine to kick in before I could take him to school. I hate mentions assemblies for things like focusing and 'trying really hard in everything' despite school not putting anything in place to support my child with those things when it's actually harder for him than the others. It's not my 5yos fault and it's shit when they see others getting it when they couldn't have possibly tried any harder. @chinateapot , @Sirzy , @mintymabel, and others in a similar situation 

Lotus90 · 05/12/2019 20:01
  1. YABU, he was late
  1. You'd be asking school to falsify a legal document
  1. I would actually be bringing up with the school how archaic it is to be rewarding children who haven't been unfortunate enough to be unwell with a prize, leaving those who have been poorly/ have disorganised parents/ other shit going on in their lives with nothing
Undies1990 · 05/12/2019 20:14

You're THAT parent - please don't even ask the school. He was late so it gets marked down as being late. End of story.

TurquoiseDress · 05/12/2019 20:17

YABU

It's a shame for your son but I very much doubt any teaching professional would agree to changing a document like that.

You'd be basically asking them to falsify it and that is definitely not on, for whatever reason

LuckySeventhWave · 05/12/2019 23:43

Mine’s also early his gold badge and 100% attendance award.

He’s been aiming for ‘400%’ as he calls it attendance.
He’s never had a single day off school since he started Juniors.

He’s now in Year 6 and had to have a day off last week because he’d been sick and had a fever all weekend.

He did not tell anyone how ill he was all through school. Because he didn’t want to lose his attendance.

He walked out of school and my jaw dropped, he looked like he was about to collapse. How the teachers didn’t notice I don’t know.

He was crying about having to have time off, so I emailed the headmaster who said sorry but that’s how it is and he can’t make special dispensation for his otherwise excellent attendance.

Child has learnt a life lesson, the whole stupid attendance award thing has been brought into sharp focus for me if kids are disguising their poorly in order to not lose out. And he’s also been warned if he gets that poorly again whilst at school and refuses to let someone know, I’ll put the Xbox in a charity shop or similar.

He’s still using however, if nobody else gets ‘400%’ attendance if that means he’ll still get it after all.

He ended up having 3 days off in the end to recover. But what a way to go, to encourage this competitiveness in young kids and the accompanying potential liability of them disguising their poorly in order the school to keep up its OFSTED attendance figures Hmm

EL8888 · 05/12/2019 23:49

He was late and it’s just one of those things