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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask school if being late just this one time could be changed on the register?

220 replies

Kimmykimkim36 · 05/12/2019 07:12

My son (7) has always had 100% attendance and punctuality at school. He also knows that at the end of term he gets a gold 100% badge and a certificate. He loves this!
I've been sick for the past 2 days and a lovely parent from school offered to bring him in, except on one of those days they got in around 5-10 mins late due to being stuck in traffic. AIBU to ask if this one episode of lateness could be changed on the register? He was so excited to be nearing the end of term, knowing he had been in on time everyday, but this one day of being late changes everything.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 05/12/2019 11:22

I wonder if it does actually improve attendance, if children are coming into school sick and spreading germs around because they want to get a certificate. My dd said this often happened with some of the children who got the awards. Obviously some children are fortunate in that they never seem to get ill or they come down with something during school holidays.

I wouldn’t ask to change it, think of it as a lesson that sometimes shit happens. If your DS is upset, point out that other children will have been ill or late through no fault of their own. If he’s never missed a day to the age of seven, he’s been quite lucky with his health.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 05/12/2019 11:30

DDs school don’t give awards as such but do read out names at the end of the year assembly in July. DDs friend always has 100% attendance. Last years eoy assembly had to be a few days before the last day though and when the Head called out friends name, DD had to explain she wasn’t there cos she was off sick Grin. Got a whole school laugh! Wonder if they’ll bother this year?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2019 11:30

@Elbeagle - I think the luck and commitment quote was saying that, whilst it is luck that stops a child picking up an illness, it also takes commitment from the parents to get the children to school every day and on time. Though one could also argue that there is an element of luck there too - the luck to have a parent who doesn't have health problems themselves, or a neglectful parent who just doesn't care about getting the child to school, or to encounter any of the other myriad things that could affect getting a child to school each day, on time.

I agree with the posters who say that attendance awards/punctuality awards are wrong. It is patently unfair to punish a child for being ill, or for having a parent who is ill or neglectful, or for being unexpectedly held up in traffic. The child cannot control any of these things, and shouldn't lose out on a treat because of them.

StarySkyTonight · 05/12/2019 11:33

YABVU, what will your DS learn from this if you ask to have it amended? He was late and was marked as such.

My DD2 (10yo) has been in and out of hospital, DR's and specialists her whole life for several disabilities. Recently she has only just returned (3rd week back this week) to school after the summer holidays, so she finished in July for summer and only went back at the end of November. All because she had to have emergency life saving surgery and has only just managed to get out of her wheelchair but it still on crutches and a Childs sized Zimmer frame. This is her 13th operation, for the last 2 years she has had several operations on her eyes with significant time off school also and in the next coupe of years will have heart surgery and surgery on both of her ears. There are possibly more eye operations in the pipeline too. Obviously she has never and will never get an attendance award, she has questioned the unfairness of attendance awards and the subsequent parties for the kids who get 100%. My DH and I have had to tell her that life isn't fair and as usual my amazing daughter just takes it all in her stride. Despite school being very slow at sorting out homeschooling for DD, she has already come up to standard and is surpassing what was expected of her. She is still in recovery, still in pain and discomfort, still completely worn out but she absolutely amazes us by working her hardest to not only get better physically but to work hard with her school work.

That is what needs to be rewarded. We tell her that as hard as it is now for her she will be able to overcome anything in life and will go farther because her attitude is amazing. maybe you could talk to your son and explain things like this to him, he can learn how lucky he is that he is well enough to be able to go to school for a 100% of the time.

I absolutely hate 100% attendance awards. When DD1 (now 12yo) got a 100% attendance award when she was in primary last year she thanked school but refused to accept it, because she gets how unfair it is.

Sirzy · 05/12/2019 11:35

For those who have children who have medical conditions if schools are stopping them going on trips etc due to attendance it’s worth pointing out to them they are in breech of the equalities act as they aren’t making feasible adjustment

StarySkyTonight · 05/12/2019 11:39

Oh and lots of Flowers and love to all of the parents with kids who are poorly, disabled and just not able to get into school for one reason or another.

xJodiex · 05/12/2019 11:41

That's a sin.

The school should be ashamed for making such a ridiculous award that then upsets kids for being late - which is out of their control sometimes.

Tell your son it's not his fault and maybe make him an award of your own? Star

Terrible there's kids who've conditions like cancer who will never get such an award, absolutely terrrible thing to do.

CroissantsAtDawn · 05/12/2019 11:42

When my DS was 7 he missed 10 days of school due to his migraines.

Try pointing out to your DS that traffic is out of his control, but so are health problems for thousands of other kids.

Starlight456 · 05/12/2019 11:51

When my Ds was in school we put it straight in the bin. The ones for completing homework went on the wall.

It’s amazing how many people don’t mind attendance awards till their child misses out.

TheTeenageYears · 05/12/2019 12:00

Hopefully not getting the award will teach him some resilience which he is going to need to get through school and life.

Justmuddlingalong · 05/12/2019 12:02

Perhaps you should use the time you would have spent contacting the school, to have a word with DS. You could explain that good school attendance is important, but that not achieving perfection is not. A child of that age shouldn't be feeling upset about not getting 100%. That would worry me.

Devereux1 · 05/12/2019 12:06

Terrible there's kids who've conditions like cancer who will never get such an award, absolutely terrrible thing to do.

First I though attendance awards were good, they encourage attendance.
Then I thought they're bad, what about those who are late due to no fault of theirs?
But now.. I'm a bit meh. Many awards in life have an aspect of "but it's beyond my control that I can't do a,b,c".

It's not my fault I'm not 6foot tall and able to be an Olympic High Jumper. Nor that I didn't have a Dad who ran a business for me whist I collected Businesswoman of the Year Award. etc

Life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Cake

Sirzy · 05/12/2019 12:11

And the children who regularly miss school due to illnesses or chaotic homes already lose, they lose friends, they lose education, they lose life. But hey let’s add another really visible part into that too and reward those who are luckier than them

chinateapot · 05/12/2019 12:26

Devereux1
I think the point here is if you have cancer when you’re seven years old, you have already lost.
If you have a chaotic family who aren’t able to get you to school on time, you’ve already lost.
School and education ought to be about equalising opportunities and supporting kids, not emphasising disadvantage.
I might agree with attendance awards if I saw convincing evidence that they’re effective in improving outcomes for disadvantaged children. I haven’t seen that - and a quick google scholar search isn’t yielding compelling results. Until then, I view them as discriminatory and adding to disadvantage.

Madaboutthem2 · 05/12/2019 12:34

Nope he was Late. I personally think the whole rewarding kids for 100% attendance is rubbish anyway. Some children are prone to sickness bugs and colds etc. Why should they be penalised for being ill the odd day. Children should be rewarded for hard work, being kind etc.

astralweaks · 05/12/2019 12:37

He was late. As in late. It’s an accurate record.

MintyMabel · 05/12/2019 12:37

The best thing to do is teach your child that attendance rewards are bullshit.

Our school don't do them because they don't want to encourage sick children to come to school. They also understand children like DD would never get one because of hospital appointments and surgeries, even though she has never actually had a day off sick.

Reward real achievements, not this kind of bullshit A plus for just turning up every day.

MintyMabel · 05/12/2019 12:39

100% punctual attendance is never just luck

Sure. Because DD being born with a disability was entirely avoidable. If only I'd tried harder to be good at pregnancy.

Devereux1 · 05/12/2019 12:41

chinateapot
I think while advantages tend to be visible, disadvantages are not. I don't want to derail this thread into this debate, but most people have disadvantages to something, somewhere in their life. We already have a "who can be more disadvantaged" kind of competition in some areas of society, I'd had to see more of this in schools as exceptions to things, like attendance records.

As startlingly different as the situation is between cancer and another parent making a child late, the outcome is still the same: they're both late. Once we start making exceptions, everyone would end up an exception.

If attendance records are proven to improve attendance, and I must stress I have no idea if they do, then I think fine, go with it, it's just another award that some people can't go for, and just like many of these in life, build resilience and get over it. If they're not proven to improve attendance and only have negative consequences, then scrap them.

Devereux1 · 05/12/2019 12:42

I'd had to I'd hate to

chinateapot · 05/12/2019 12:48

I think we agree Devereux! If they actually work - then ok.

My own feeling is that attendance should be monitored and responded to, as attendance does correlate with outcomes. But we then ought to be looking at the individual reasons why children have poor attendance and offering appropriate support.

MintyMabel · 05/12/2019 12:48

We have a ginger, lemon, garlic, pepper and tumeric tea that I make and we drink once/twice a week, so I know that helps

Except it doesn't. Otherwise the NHS would be recommending everyone does it every day.

CroissantsAtDawn · 05/12/2019 13:15

It's not my fault I'm not 6foot tall and able to be an Olympic High Jumper. Nor that I didn't have a Dad who ran a business for me whist I collected Businesswoman of the Year Award. etc

Yes but here you are talking about children. you might be able to shrug your shoulders as an adult and say "thems the cards I've been dealt" but for 7 year old children it's not the same. Their classmates are being rewarded for things that they cannot possibly hope to do, but also sound simple. Cos going to school every day on time should be easy right?!

My DC are in a very strict school. Lots of pressure, lots of homework (60-90 minutes a night for an 8 year old every sodding day). however they don't have any awards or even messages about attendance. I have no idea what % attendance my DC have and no-one cares. It's nothing to be proud about or ashamed about. It's not something to be rewarded.

rhubarbcrumbles · 05/12/2019 13:25

I'm against attendance awards because of all the reasons mentioned - illness, chronic conditions meaning 100% attendance is impossible.

Lateness is different though isn't it, you can avoid being late for school by being organised. For example, there have been roadworks near us recently which add 15 minutes extra if I drive that way - therefore we go the other way and leave earlier to avoid it.
Being off ill wouldn't stop you getting an award for never being late would it? I mean if you are not there then you can't be late.

OP is being ridiculous asking for it to be ignored though.

PippiDeLena · 05/12/2019 13:29

HolyheadBound
I know it's un pc to talk about the special snowflake generation now but FFS. Teach kids some resilience. If he can't cope with this OP, you've got bigger problems.

It's not the kids who are the snowflakes, they don't know any better, it's the parents who demand prizes and awards for basic, everyday things.