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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask school if being late just this one time could be changed on the register?

220 replies

Kimmykimkim36 · 05/12/2019 07:12

My son (7) has always had 100% attendance and punctuality at school. He also knows that at the end of term he gets a gold 100% badge and a certificate. He loves this!
I've been sick for the past 2 days and a lovely parent from school offered to bring him in, except on one of those days they got in around 5-10 mins late due to being stuck in traffic. AIBU to ask if this one episode of lateness could be changed on the register? He was so excited to be nearing the end of term, knowing he had been in on time everyday, but this one day of being late changes everything.

OP posts:
needmoresleep1 · 05/12/2019 10:22

Ooh if this is a thing then I think I might ask work for an extra holiday day as I didn't have a good enough time on my last one!

🙄🙄🙄

BillHadersNewWife · 05/12/2019 10:23

Attendance rewards are a bad idea. It penalises children who live in dysfunctional homes.

It's not their bloody fault! Rewarding a 7 year old because their parent is together enough to get them in on time? It's nothing the child's done!

What about the kid who's Mum is depressed? Or unwell?

BillHadersNewWife · 05/12/2019 10:24

He also knows that at the end of term he gets a gold 100% badge and a certificate. He loves this!

Well he doesn't "know" he gets this. Because he only gets this if he's 100% on time etc. And he hasn't been. This is how life is for some children all the time. Better tell him now.

SoEverybodyDance · 05/12/2019 10:25

My son has asthma. He health means he has never had a 100% attendance award. I think you're lucky. For a few years I thought it would be nice to get just one, but then I realised that in the grand scheme of things it's unimportant.

drogon1 · 05/12/2019 10:33

My DH had 100% attendance always at school but one year broke his ankle and had to have 2 weeks off. Weirdly his attendance was still 100% at the end of the year... His mum was the school secretary. Very naughty.

Oncemoreinthenameof · 05/12/2019 10:36

This is why its a truly objectionable system

SpiderCharlotte · 05/12/2019 10:37

God almighty, are you serious?

100% attendance awards are ridiculous. You have to go to school - getting an award for turning up is pathetic. Kids get unwell, they shouldn't be penalised for that.

girlsyearapart · 05/12/2019 10:37

blindandfrozen my dd has a medical condition too and along with another parent we campaigned to get medical appointments for long term conditions ruled out of the attendance awards.
She hasn’t missed a day yet this term ( only because her last apt was cancelled) but she will be at hospital all day next week and providing she still goes in all the other days she still will be given a 100% award

Eggies · 05/12/2019 10:38

Other kids won't get their 100% prize because they were stuck in traffic too so it's not really fair to expect them to change it just for your son

Thenamedame · 05/12/2019 10:38

I know as a parent you want to protect your child from sadness, dissapointment and bad luck but the fact is you can't. Throwing participation medals at kids and trying to make people change the rules to accommodate your kid teaches them nothing about resilience. Life is unfair, sometimes we do have bad luck and as a parent it's your job to teach your child how to bounce back and forge ahead not to pout and plead to get their way. You would be doing your child a disservice to speak to the school. Help him through this hard thing and show him he can get through hard things and go on to achieve. It will pay dividends long term.

nokidshere · 05/12/2019 10:39

It's nothing, don't fret about it. Apart from the fact that I completely disagree with rewarding children for something that is beyond their control anyway, what is it with this obsession that they have to have 100% attendance? Nobody cares now, or will care in the future, if they didn't have 100% attendance at school. Especially at primary level.

Oncemoreinthenameof · 05/12/2019 10:39

When you stop and think for even half a millisecond you realise how insidious it is. You emotionally punish the child to try to guilt their parents into reaching a (very frequently) unobtainable Goa. Lying in its wake are the asthmatic children, disabled children, the unlucky and the poor (your car won't start more often if it's 15 years old). Disgusting policy and should be illegal.

Oncemoreinthenameof · 05/12/2019 10:42

I encourage parents to subvert the system wherever they can. if your child happens to have 100% attendance use your voice to complain, decline awards and treat your child to lovely things because they are lovable in sickness and in health.

HolyheadBound · 05/12/2019 10:43

I think kids do need to learn that sometimes life isn't fair, and parents can't fix everything for them.

^^this.

I know it's un pc to talk about the special snowflake generation now but FFS. Teach kids some resilience. If he can't cope with this OP, you've got bigger problems.

GoodbyeRosie · 05/12/2019 10:47

Agree with most of the posters here.

You need to explain to your son that as much as he loves it, this is a very unfair and 'mean' award, and that it makes other children who have been ill very sad.

Tell him you think he is grown up enough - a big enough boy - for you to tell him this.

You can be proud of his willingness to go to school, but all this stupid attendance prize bullshit is doing is making kids who are genuinely ill afraid and upset to not be at school, and encourages parents to send obviously ill kids to school, spreading illness around.

DobbinOnTheLA · 05/12/2019 10:54

If the school transport is late my DC don't get marked as late. (2 different schools). My Yr8 had a sickness absence changed about 2 months after the day from authorised to unauthorised as he'd had too many Friday's off sick. So I think they can change the code if they want.

MinTheMinx · 05/12/2019 11:01

Of course it can't be changed on the register but they might be kind and overlook it if you explain why but I'm not sure you should bother as you might come across as a bit of a fussy parent.

It's ok to let children feel disappointed. I have noticed an unhealthy trend recently for parents to go out of their way to avoid their children ever feeling any 'negative' emotions. Life really isn't fair and it's much kinder to explain why he wont be getting the award than to fall into the trap of 'putting off' the realities of the world by being overprotective.

My DD missed out on eagerly anticipated 100% attendance award in year 8. She's fine. It'll be forgotten immediately if you don't make a fuss about it.

MorganKitten · 05/12/2019 11:07

He was late.... simple

MiniEggAddiction · 05/12/2019 11:07

This is why attendance awards especially for 7 year olds are ridiculous. If my 7 year old is late to school it's 100% my fault. If he's not at school it's because I decided he was too sick to attend. If he did attend and made everyone else sick too that would hardly be something worth congratulating. My eldest is always desperate to go to school to the extent he'll pretend not to be sick when he is. I've explained to him that it's really unfair on the other children and the teachers to make everyone else unwell.

BlueEyedPersephone · 05/12/2019 11:12

Point out to school that the award is totally out of the control of the child therefore is a parenting judgement and therefore pointless.
They are 'penalising' your child for your illness. But I put in '' as the school should reward things within child control ( effort, behaviour etc ) not outside.

grandmasterstitch · 05/12/2019 11:13

@Mammyloveswine

*I think attendance rewards and star of the day should both be abolished!

It's not a child's fault if they are ill, and they might go in when they shouldn't and spread illness.

As for star of the day/week, even if every child gets a turn in a class of 30 one poor child has to wait the majority of the school year before it's their turn!*

I was once the only child in the class not to get the gold badge. Some kids got it twice. I was probably 8 or 9 and I still haven't forgotten it. They should do away with it altogether

SayOohLaLa · 05/12/2019 11:16

Op, my son has had 3 lots of absence this term, including a forced 48 hour exclusion for a stomach bug, given to him by the other kids in his class. He also lost his 100% attendance in Year 1 when my father in law died, and in year 2 when MIL died. How are you going to spin this with the school when older relatives start dying? It may be authorised absence, but it still stops you getting 100% attendance. Should I tell my son he should have stopped grandma getting Parkinson's? Ridiculous isn't it?

Skyejuly · 05/12/2019 11:18

Does it really matter?!

danni0509 · 05/12/2019 11:21

@DuMondeB your child should get an award, not for attendance or punctuality but for bravery! Thanks

Goodnightjude1 · 05/12/2019 11:22

Wow.

I wish this was all I had to worry about! 🙄