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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask school if being late just this one time could be changed on the register?

220 replies

Kimmykimkim36 · 05/12/2019 07:12

My son (7) has always had 100% attendance and punctuality at school. He also knows that at the end of term he gets a gold 100% badge and a certificate. He loves this!
I've been sick for the past 2 days and a lovely parent from school offered to bring him in, except on one of those days they got in around 5-10 mins late due to being stuck in traffic. AIBU to ask if this one episode of lateness could be changed on the register? He was so excited to be nearing the end of term, knowing he had been in on time everyday, but this one day of being late changes everything.

OP posts:

JustOneSquareofDarkChocolate · 05/12/2019 08:29

Not to mention kids coming in ill or not fully recovered from vomiting bugs just to spread it all around

heartsonacake · 05/12/2019 08:29

YABU. He was late, so it stays marked down as he was late.

Sounds like it’s a good time for your child to learn life isn’t fair. Shit happens.

SavoyCabbage · 05/12/2019 08:30

Surely both he and his classmates will know he was late!

All the children would have 100% attendance if they were marked as present when they aren’t.

I don’t agree with attendance rewards.

cochineal7 · 05/12/2019 08:36

I am also wondering how you justify this to your son. For you, darling Freddy, being late doesn't count because it obviously wasn't your fault, while all the other children who came late ....?

I find attendance rewards ridiculous by the way.

my2bundles · 05/12/2019 08:41

No it shouldn't be overlooked. Unless they overlook all the genuine illnesses, hospital appointments, doctors appointments, late public transport etc etc aswell. Schools should celebrate hard working dedicated students not the sheer luck of not being ill.

Devereux1 · 05/12/2019 08:44

except on one of those days they got in around 5-10 mins late.. AIBU to ask if this one episode of lateness could be changed on the register?

YABU. He was late. The register is a record of what happens. His lateness happened.

chinateapot · 05/12/2019 08:45

I hate attendance awards with a passion. Rewarding kids for something they have little or no control over especially at primary school.

My daughter also gets very excited over them and the end of year party they have for kids with 100% attendance. Unfortunately during the last party she was in hospital having the biopsy that diagnosed her cancer. Can’t imagine she’ll be getting 100% attendance any time soon!

I hated attendance awards before that anyway for all the logical reasons but it feels a bit more personal now!

So yes, YABU. It isn’t fair on the vast majority of children who miss out on these awards so I would devote your energy to trying to persuade the school that these aren’t fair and should be scrapped, to be replaced by something that rewards kids for something they can control.

draughtycatflap · 05/12/2019 08:50

Bake a big stack of cupcakes to give the whole school the shits. That should even things out for little Johnny.

rhubarbcrumbles · 05/12/2019 08:51

YABU. He was late for school, it's not the end of the world. Like @Echobelly said, children need to learn that life is like that at times. Where do the school draw the line? 5 minutes late is OK, 15 is not?

I'd be annoyed if my child (rightly) didn't get an award for being on time because they missed out by being a few minutes late when another child did even though they were also late.

MrsToothyBitch · 05/12/2019 08:57

YABU he was late and learning that these things happen is a valuable life lesson. I don't, however, agree with attendance awards.

We had an absolute cow of a teacher at my junior school. If it was her duty week to supervise yrs 3-6 for pre registration, any child coming in late got a patronising, smug public interrogation and quite often a dressing down for good measure. Even at 10, I didn't see how humiliating a normally on time 8 year old to the point of tears because of a traffic jam they had no control over was helpful. It had no effect other than to really annoy parents and stoke that particular teacher's reputation for being a jumped up bitch on a power trip.

busybarbara · 05/12/2019 08:59

The world has changed. Back in my day we’d throw at least one sickie a year to not get these sorts of silly embarrassing rewards that only the boffins tended to get

Merinocool · 05/12/2019 09:02

I hate attendance rewards, my DS has an illness which means he has to attend regular hospital appointments for treatment. There’s no cure he will always have to do this, it’s not his fault and he hated watching kids get rewarded for something that’s out with his control. It almost felt like he was being punished for being ill (his words).

In this case I honestly would just let it slide. He was late, people are late everyday for things which may be out of their control, school can’t start changing the register for everyone.

goodwinter · 05/12/2019 09:03

One of many reasons why I think 100% attendance awards are a bad idea.

YoungHun · 05/12/2019 09:04

Maybe you should ask yourself why this important to you?

Oakmaiden · 05/12/2019 09:12

Home on Earth has your child never had a day off sick??

By being lucky and not being ill?

My son has only had one period of time off school since year 3 (he is now in year 9) and that was when he had chicken pox. I don't send him in ill, he just is never ill. He is very lucky.

Whereas my daughter is on 80% attendance at the moment. Because she has been ill.

my2bundles · 05/12/2019 09:12

Instead of attendence awards schools should identify those children who consistently work hard and show dedication despite having gruelling hospital sceduled, children who work hard every day despite having sickness bugs. You know reward those children who actually deserve to rewarded. It angers me that children can be disruptive in class all year but get rewarded because they have been sent in sick to infect everyone else.

Pilot12 · 05/12/2019 09:14

He was late and got a late mark. What you're trying to do now is cheat in order to win a prize. Your son will have to suck it up and try harder next term. He can't win the prize every time.

If they let you change it then everyone would start asking the school to have theirs changed!

Collision · 05/12/2019 09:15

🤣🤣🤣

ThinkIamflyingundertheradar · 05/12/2019 09:17

YABVU. The award is for never being late and he was late. He may well be very disappointed particularly as it wasn’t his fault but at their age punctuality is rarely the responsibility of any child. In these situations your job as a parent is to help him cope with the reality of lifes (inevitable) disappointments.

As PP have said, I think you need to focus on why this matters so much to you and him. Are you a perfectionist so only coming first and achieving 100% count with you? And if so is this attitude rubbing off on him? I say this as a one time perfectionist who did exactly that to my own DC. Years of therapy have helped me see this trait in myself and I fight against it now. I also try to help my DC accept that they won’t win everything and that coming second or missing out in a trophy doesn’t negate the hard work and effort they put in to any endeavour.

StoppinBy · 05/12/2019 09:18

@FreeStar - did you read the post at all? The school give children awards for 100% on time arrival - this one late arrival means he misses out.

OP the school should not be making these awards, for kids who regularly pick up bugs including gastro where school must be missed this automatically means they miss out on the award. Ridiculous.

ShouldI101 · 05/12/2019 09:19

Funniest thing I've read all week.

Please go and ask op, you'll give the teachers something to laugh about all day.

Littlebearstrousers · 05/12/2019 09:21

No I wouldn't ask. My 5YO won't be getting 100% this year as she had that really shitty virus that was going around in October time. I daresay she will get some other bug or whatever between now and July but it can't be helped.

@chinateapot and DD

Elbeagle · 05/12/2019 09:22

Luck and commitment makes 100% attendance, not just luck

My children have never, ever been late. I am organised. They also have never had days off for holidays/trips/anything like that.
However they’ve both had scarlet fever this year, caught from another child at school. Both had a mandatory 5 days off.
How would commitment have prevented that?

DuMondeB · 05/12/2019 09:22

My kid was part time almost all last year due to cancer related illness and thus lost all chances at those kinds of awards and treats.

I understand that punctuality and attendance are really important, but sadly awards like this isolate the most vulnerable children, those with illness and disability and those living in precarious housing situations or unstable families.

Maybe you could use this time as an opportunity to tell your son about kids like my daughter (in a gentle and non-scary way!) rather than ask the school to overlook something out of his control? After all, my kid didn’t want to spend most of a year in hospital! They are the same age.

Elbeagle · 05/12/2019 09:23

busybarbara I remember begging my mum one year to let me have a day off so I didn’t have to stand up in assembly to get the stupid ‘award’

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