To ask for a good reply to Mil

[ILikePandas15]

Mil has invited herself to visit us on ours sons 2nd birthday. She didn’t ask if it was ok (if we busy or have plans) and just said what time is good for me to visit. I have plans for the day and will be taking him out for his favourite food in town and then soft play or the park (weather depending). She also has the habit of trying to take over and control everything so frankly I don't want her here. What's a good reply to her text just assuming that she can visit.

I think what you have told her is fine op.

imagine OPs reaction if DH had invited her on their day out without OPs permission confused

Don’t be ridiculous, men are more than capable of making social plans just like women are. Why hasn’t he contacted his mother to make plans to go visit with his son? All these MILs screwing over the idea that they’re not front and centre of plans for their grandchild’s birthday, well maybe you should have raised your sons better.

So quick to bitch about their DILs not being thrilled at the idea of spending days out with them, yet no comment on their own sons doing exactly the same. Maybe if you weren’t such misogynists your DILs would like you more.

@AngelsSins you're missing the point where MIL asked OP, and OP sounds extremely dramatic about the whole thing.
She claims MIL is controlling and tries to takeover but I assume she takes issue with this because they're actually quite similar.

He hasn't contacted his DM because she didn't ask him.

She hasn't tried to force anything. She's asked a question and got a shitty response.

I don't know why you're so angry. Do you have MIL issues?

GiveHerHellFromUs

My comment wasn’t aimed at the OP, it was aimed at some of the outraged MILs here. I’m not angry, not sure why you think that, I just think women are far too quick to blame their DILs (or MILs for that matter) and hold them to a much higher standard than they do their own sons. Men are perfectly capable of making these arrangements, why do people think it’s only a mothers job?

I don’t think it’s outrageous that MIL wants to visit. Neither is it outrageous that OP has told her she’s made plans but will be back later that day.

Everybody will survive this.

So everyone is happy except for MIL, poor lady. I feel sad for her.

“ Men are perfectly capable of making these arrangements, why do people think it’s only a mothers job?”

If course they are. How about “I’m busy all that day, but I’ll pass your message onto Nigel and he’ll let you know when he’s free to come and collect Little Zephyr’s present. No need for you to come here at all”

“Men are perfectly capable of making these arrangements, why do people think it’s only a mothers job?”

If course they are. How about “I’m busy all that day, but I’ll pass your message onto Nigel and he’ll let you know when he’s free to come and collect Little Zephyr’s present. No need for you to come here at all”

So you are infantising men? Your post suggests he’s only capable of being told to go and collect a gift, rather than contact HIS mother and arrange a visit with his child. Why? Do you really think so little of men? Like I said, raise your sons better rather than default blaming your DIL.

“ So you are infantising men? ”

No. I’m just suggesting a waythat in this particular circumstance the OP could involve her husband in a way that would achieve her desired outcome!

My children have a grandmother who can’t stand them (my mum) so your welcome to send her my way. I’d be happy to have her

What I don't understand is why, if the DH is away from Saturday evening, the OP keeps mentioning HER plans and HER child.

You sound like the controlling 0ne OP. Saying you’ve been slowly cutting the apron strings for 10 years is a red flag.

@BertrandRussell - you are now falling into the trap of scripting a dialogue where the MIL never comes round at all and is reduced to the status of a Hermes concession where parcels can be collected...

I feel sorry for the MiL. She only wants to see her GS and is willing to do a long round trip to do so. The irony is you sound v controlling yourself, OP

Ignore the posters who clearly don’t Understand the dynamics at play here, op....you’ve done nothing wrong.

I wish my children had grandparents for me to moan about. The one surviving one lives a 5 hour plane ride away.

Just give her a time and let her see him. He might want a relationship with his granny when older.

I wish my children had grandparents for me to moan about. The one surviving one lives a 5 hour plane ride away.

Just give her a time and let her see him. He might want a relationship with his granny when older.

I do think it's sad that a simple 'when would be convenient to see dgs on his birthday ', is regarded as demanding and controlling.
As some pps have said, it does sometimes appear that on MN, MILs cannot do right for doing wrong. Want to see their dgc? They are controlling. Can't /won't offer free childcare 39 hours a day 96 days a week? How dare they - they should feel privileged to be asked. Buy a gift for dgc that isn't 'on the list'- just chuck it in the bin or give to the charity shop. Want to meet their new baby dgc before it's 21st birthday - they had their chance with their children now we need to bond as our own little family'. And so on, and so on.
For the most part, these gps, love their DCs and dgc's and are genuinely not trying to be controlling. But some of the DILs on here seem to set out to make their life's work all about keeping their MIL away from their ds's and dgc's. I know all about awful MILs. My own taught me every ever wanted to know about what NOT to do if I want a good relationship with my dcs, DIL and dgc's. Thankfully, my DILs do not treat me as the enemy, we all get on well and spend a lot of time together. They are happy to see me whether or not ds's are present and they appreciate that we truly love our dgc and they, and we want for us to be a part of their lives. And trust me, their is nothing quite so hurtful as a gp who couldn't care less about their dgc's, who ignores their birthdays, their achievements and makes it very clear that they have no interest in them at all.
Your MIL is willing to make a 120 mile round trip to see your ds. Mine won't even drive half a mile to see mine and never, but never asks after her dggc!

We're up to 219 posts on a situation that could be done with in two sentences.

"What time is good for me to visit GC on his birthday?"
"Maybe around 4pm? We're out most of the day, but should be back and rested by then"

what an extraordinary thread.

I will also be unsurprised if in a few years OP name changes and posts about her failing marriage

seriously? from the first post and the subsequent posts where the OP says about the MIL trying to stop her breastfeeding, you get to her marriage failing?

Don't you think you're being ridiculous?

Just be grateful your child has a grandmother who wants to come visit him. You are actually grudging the woman a couple of hours to see her grandson on his birthday ffs.

She claims MIL is controlling and tries to takeover but I assume she takes issue with this because they're actually quite similar.

Yep lots of men marry women just like their mothers, which is probably the reason for all these mil/dil petty power struggles. Thank God I have daughters.

I wish this sort of shit was all that I had to stew over
I also wish I went out to eat with my children so much to the extent a two year old had a preferred place to eat. That’s extraordinary

I wasn’t being entirely tongue in cheek about telling her to come to the soft play. You would either be preoccupied with DC and thus unable to deal with having to endure her, or you should delegate supervising him to her and sit on your bottom with w hot drink. Win win. Then she can trundle off home.

I don’t have a MIL but plenty of experience with keeping my ex’s mother, who was an apologist and enabling mollycoddling twit where her son was concerned. I found the more I made it clear I expected her to be involved the less she was as she couldn’t really be arsed. She just wanted to rile me. It didn’t work

Sometimes being nice is a much more effective method of asserting yourself than actually trying to assert yourself

Don't be tight! invite her to enjoy her GC birthday. It's one day of the year

It’s not an “invite to enjoy” though is it @hellacells; it’s an invite under obligation to let the MIL dictate the child’s birthday according to her OWN interests, not the child’s!