To feel awful I’ve broken my kids heart?!

[TotalRecall]

The good old Santa debate.

I love the magic of Santa. I loved it when I was a child. My kids love it. My youngest especially REALLY loves Santa. He writes letters, talks to the Elves, regales me with stories about all the times he “heard Santa filling his stocking and pretended to be asleep” 😂 I could go on..

I have no recollection of being traumatised when I found out Santa wasn’t real. My eldest wasn’t traumatised in the slightest, and even joined in on making it magical for her brother etc.

So, 10 year old came into my room this morning and flat out asked me if Santa is real, because all his friends had told him it’s your parents, blah blah. He asked me to just tell him the truth please... so I did. He’s 10, I kinda assumed he really knew deep down, and he’s at an age where I don’t really want him to be made fun of for believing.

He was GUTTED. Like honestly gutted. Was really angry at me for lying to him, asked about the 27492025 incidences over the years where he had written letters or left milk and cookies or left things for the elves to take to Santa.. etc etc
He was actually devastated.

I feel awful! I don’t know any child who has had such a strong reaction to being told the truth so never really imagined that he would. I actually feel like I’ve ruined his childhood by doing the whole Santa thing in the first place!

Should I have told him the truth years ago?!
I guess on the bright side he said I don’t have to do stockings anymore...

[Puppytooth]

DoesntLeftover... It must be pretty joyless to have parents who are so hung up on lying that they can't bear to do Father Christmas.

Sorry - can’t see where that poster referred to not doing the whole Father Christmas thing, they haven’t actually stated if they even have children.

[Trewser]

There's loads of posts on here saying that lying to your kids is terrible 🥴

[elQuintoConyo]

8yo ds has been having doubts since the summer and was initially upset when I told him the truth. But I told him the magic of the tree, twinkly lights, lovely food, Christmas morning pancakes, the anticipation of gifts and the advent calendar all still happened, I think he was afraid that'd be it, all over.

I told him we could go together to buy something for DH for his stocking, he got excited about that.

And I told him not to mention anything to DC in his class or younger DC.in case I get The Wrath from other parents.

DS gets a stocking on his door handle of things to keep him occupied until we open the tree gifts (mid-morning, after breakfast, shorts and dog-walking). This year contains a spy notebook with magic ink, finger lights, a small puzzle, socks (obviously!), a Phaudon book of photos of dogs - he chose the last two at a Christmas market, but will have forgotten about them in 3 weeks

[Wheredidigowrongggggg]

What a shame! I told my nearly ten year old this year after much pressing and she was absolutely floored that it was me and her dad who bought her all that stuff. It was one of the sweetest moments, where magic fell away but the wonder of parents prevailed! Those moments are fleeting so I treasured it.

We don’t do stockings, Santa brings all their gifts in sacks under the tree. I would never change anything after they stop believing in FC, why would you? Keep it exactly as it was, then the magic continues despite the dream being over.

[Cultoffortnite]

He’ll be fine. We have friends who ‘don’t lie’ to their kids ( not actually true on everything but) and never let them believe in Santa, you’ve never meet such cynical little kids, honestly. I think it’s worse for them cos they assume all adults are lying all the time!
I had my suspicions at 9 and by 10 knew, and I remember feeling like a bit of a do it for ‘believing’ and being lied too BUT then my mum said, okay so now you’re in on the secret, you get to help play santa and make it magical for your dear sibs, and your little cousins and that made me feel grown up. AND I got to stay up late to help mum/dad put together whatever pressies ‘santa’ had got for the little kids.
Yes, it’s a fib, but there are such things as ‘white’ lies that we tell kids to protect them or for good reasons.

[Wheredidigowrongggggg]

And DO insist on tact at school. Some idiot told their child at 5 and he told everyone. Luckily he was a very difficult child and nobody believed him but it could have been so different. Why shatter someone else’s magic? It’s a great lesson in Christmas spirit to keep other people’s dreams alive.

[Cultoffortnite]

I was also astounded at the things’santa’ had managed to get me over the years as we didn’t have much money and I was really touched when I found out it has been my parents/ grandparents all along. Though I have to say my DPs did manage my expectations very well, Santa doesn’t like greedy children apparently, looking back we were only allowed to ask for things that they could realistically provide - with the help of catalogue monthly payments...

[BlouseAndSkirt]

“Should I still do stockings then?”

Do what you normally do. We did ‘pretending to believe’ and following all the Santa traditions for years.

Play. Have fun. Act ‘as if’.

People wildly underestimate and misunderstand the role and importance of imagination in children. There is no need to stick to a rigid absolute belief that Santa is ‘real’ for children to enjoy the imaginative reality if Santa in the first place. There is no absolute dividing line between ‘magic’ and ‘no magic’ in the mind of a child, but adults behave as if there is and set up the ‘lying’ scenario.

[Monsterinmyshoe]

He's had a good run at 10 I think. If his friends are saying it then the seed of doubt is already there. I expect this year he probably would have stayed up out of curiosity and caught you out anyway!

I think I was barely in reception (infact I think I was only 4!) When my older siblings blatantly said about my parents coming in the rooms to put the stockings at the end of the bed. I kind of pretended I didn't know for a couple of years, but I kind of worked out the chances of it being my parents that put the presents out, and not santa, was a lot higher.

To make matters worse, I got pants in my stocking that year and they took the piss out of the pattern of them and they said that santa has to make sure they fit, so he tries them on me while I'm asleep. Obviously I burst in to tears at this point!

As you can tell my older siblings doted on me were highly protective of me, and not sadistic killjoys!

[TheMamaYo]

I’ve made my life a lot easier by hanging all the stockings up in my room. On Christmas morning everyone piles on to my bed to open it and we all go downstairs together.

Christmas magic without a real Santa is still magic OP. Make sure you tell your kid to keep the magic alive for younger children.

We also still have a gift for everyone from Santa every year. Wrapped in different gift paper, tags written in different hand writing. It is ridiculous but still funny.

[Cremebrule]

I still had my Santa sack at my parents well into adulthood. There is no reason to stop OP. I think it would be far worse to find out there’s no Santa and have everything you’ve been used to at Christmas change.

[Monsterinmyshoe]

Oh dear, my grammar was awful in my last post. Must put glasses on!

[OlaEliza]

Should I have told him the truth years ago?!

No. Childhood is so short nowadays, let any magic last as long as possible.

[Pyjamaface]

DS is 10 and I think this year will be the last for Santa. He's questioning it but there are a couple of traditions we do that he hasn't worked out yet (Xmas eve bag arriving when we are all together neighbours knock and run etc) so he's keeping his counsel for now

When he outright asks me, I will tell him the truth and explain he has to keep the magic for his younger cousins but he will always get a stocking. I do and I'm nearly 40!

[ThinkIamflyingundertheradar]

My DC are in their late 20s, professional people holding down responsible jobs and paying their way in the world and they still get stockings although there isn’t as much in them nowadays. I think that will probably stop when/if they have their own DC but until then we’ll play it by ear.

[KellyHall]

I will never tell my dd (or anyone else) Father Christmas isn't real, my mum has never told me that and I'm nearly 36. It's something everyone has to decide for themselves - like believing in god or aliens!

My dh, me and dd all have stockings - slightly larger than our actual socks. We get things like toiletries, mini games, actual socks and chocolate coins in ours.

[supadupapupascupa]

My 10 yr old asked me outright last night too. He was very upset also. I just diverted by making plans to "be" Santa so we are going shopping for a gift for his little sister. He was quite excited by that so I told him that was the magic of Christmas. Excitement from receiving gifts shifts to giving them and reminded him that all adults still get excited so it's ok.

[Omashu]

I never believed in Santa and I used to play along with it to humour my parents and younger siblings. When my younger sister was around 3 she wouldn’t come down on Christmas morning be cause she was TERRIFIED of Santa! So I said to my mum “shall I just go and tell her he’s not real?” 😂 and that’s when my parents knew I didn’t believe and the make believe ended. I think the fact that my parents always put our stockings on the end of our bed before we were asleep (they probably thought we were asleep as we would pretend we were) probably didn’t help with the mystery 😂

I also felt pretty patronised that anyone would think I could believe in Santa and believe he could fly all over the world and come down chimneys that didn’t even exist I kinda thought it all sounded a bit creepy too,

[Omashu]

Long story short... I won’t be encouraging the Santa myth with my daughter. Bah humbug

[formerbabe]

This happened to me too op.

My DS was 10 and came up to me and said to tell him the truth and it was me leaving the presents, wasn't it? I thought he also deep down had realised so I said yes it was me....he was also gutted and hadn't really believed it was me.

They'll cope!

[MysteriesOfTheOrganism]

Santa isn't a real person like you or me. He's a fairy-tale figure, and the stories teach us the importance of kindness and sharing joy. He's a warm and bright fire in the darkness of winter that helps us feel less cold and alone. Santa isn't a lie - he's as real as we make him. There is a little bit of Santa inside all of us, and the world is a happier place when we make it come true.

[SmellMySmellbow]

Oh it's so hard when they outright ask you. I've had this from my FIVE year old! I want him to believe in magic for as long as possible and I couldn't tell him the truth at five because he's only known about Father Christmas for a couple of years, I'm selfishly not ready for that to be over, and he is not socially nuanced enough to know the truth and not ruin things for his classmates. But it did make me a bit uncomfortable. He lost his first tooth yesterday and said he didn't believe in the tooth fairy. I couldn't abide him not believing before he's already lost a tooth so duly switched it for a pound last night and now he's announced that he does believe as he has proof. Which is what I wanted but I can't help feeling a niggle of guilt for lying to an outright question. Can't win.

[thegreylady]

I do stockings for my dc and their spouses as well as for my dh and dh does one for me. I usually give a few bits for dgc stockings too. Each couple gets a stocking between them. I use big fisherman’s socks and they are given back to me after Christmas. Dd has the one she had as a child so it is 40+ years old.
I think my 10 year old dgs is at the same stage as op’s ds. We always say Santa hands over to parents when a child becomes 10 and gives parents a bit of his magic to use.

[Morganmermaid]

I told my 7 year old when he asked and he was quite happy and relieved that Santa wasn’t real. It is hard to predict how children will view the truth when it comes out.

But it is certainly nothing to feel anxiety and guilt over. I don’t think it will be a traumatising event of their childhood.

[nokidshere]

Mine are 18 & 21 now. We still do stockings and Christmas Eve pyjamas. We all enjoy it because it's fun, I'm pretty sure neither of them believe in Father Christmas.