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Original poster

To feel awful I’ve broken my kids heart?!

307 replies

TotalRecall · 04/12/2019 01:32

The good old Santa debate. Blush

I love the magic of Santa. I loved it when I was a child. My kids love it. My youngest especially REALLY loves Santa. He writes letters, talks to the Elves, regales me with stories about all the times he “heard Santa filling his stocking and pretended to be asleep” 😂 I could go on..

I have no recollection of being traumatised when I found out Santa wasn’t real. My eldest wasn’t traumatised in the slightest, and even joined in on making it magical for her brother etc.

So, 10 year old came into my room this morning and flat out asked me if Santa is real, because all his friends had told him it’s your parents, blah blah. He asked me to just tell him the truth please... so I did. He’s 10, I kinda assumed he really knew deep down, and he’s at an age where I don’t really want him to be made fun of for believing.

He was GUTTED. Like honestly gutted. Was really angry at me for lying to him, asked about the 27492025 incidences over the years where he had written letters or left milk and cookies or left things for the elves to take to Santa.. etc etc Blush
He was actually devastated.

I feel awful! I don’t know any child who has had such a strong reaction to being told the truth so never really imagined that he would. I actually feel like I’ve ruined his childhood by doing the whole Santa thing in the first place!

Should I have told him the truth years ago?!
I guess on the bright side he said I don’t have to do stockings anymore...

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 04/12/2019 08:20

Honestly Christmas can still be magical. It actually will take a bit of pressure off you now. Try and take a positive from it. My parents still kept it fun and magic and we still got our "Santa"presents. We often still went to Santa's grotto as teens and got the annual family photo and went for a Chinese after. You just turn it into a different type of fun.

Celebelly · 04/12/2019 08:20

I'm 34 and still get a stocking from my mum Grin

bridgetreilly · 04/12/2019 08:24

Was really angry at me for lying to him

This is one of the main reasons I hate Santa, and especially when people start making up more and more elaborate lies around elves and so on. It's such a breach of trust, it's humiliating and embarrassing when you find out, and it can genuinely lead to ongoing issues in family relationships. I have one friend who is the youngest in her family who, when she found out the they were ALL lying to her about Santa, said she had never felt so lost and excluded and alone.

Be careful what you are storing up for yourselves, folks. Be vague and evasive, and a bit casual about it, but don't lie to your kids.

DeadDoorpost · 04/12/2019 08:26

Stockings here, aged 25, DH 30. Id be so upset ifnstockings stopped... the stocking presents here are absolutely crazy things to occupy you while everyone else wakes up and opens theirs. It also includes a box of cereal for the morning (we also then have a fancy breakfast alongside the cereal)
And do you know what..? I still take ages to sleep because of excitement at this age because I still find the magic in Christmas. Ibe now got kids of my own so I get to be Santa but will do what a PP linked and talk about how you can become a Santa yourself when the time comes.
DF had to tell DB13 this year about Santa not being real, but isn't sad about it because of the grandkids now so he gets to continue. DF has always loved christmas and was genuinely gutted at age 13 when he found out the truth.

Peanutbutteryogurt · 04/12/2019 08:29

My mum still does a stocking for me and my sister, we're 29 and 34... She did say she'd stop when we had our own children but she hasn't Grin

rosybell · 04/12/2019 08:31

Totally agree bridgetreilly . I was always vague about santa to my kids and when DS was 5 he started expressing doubts and I just told him the truth straight away. I think that by being honest he felt valued and respected, and he knows not to tell anyone else.

And yes, of course we still do stockings, and we still talk about Father Christmas - it is like a magical fairy story. They will still be very excited to open their stockings, and the bonus is DH and I also have stockings since they stopped believing! All this elf business is crazy too, and I think you are right when you say it can feel humiliating for children when they find out.

Puppytooth · 04/12/2019 08:32

As a mum I’ve found that the whole Santa thing doesn’t sit well with me. I used to fervently tell my DS how Santa did this and that to instil the belief like all parents do but when he began to question it I felt awful carrying on the lie. When he was 9 he kept asking me if he was real so I did the whole “he is real in our hearts” bit and spoke about the traditional St Nicholas version - “so he was a real person but really can’t deliver presents to all the children on a sleigh pulled by reindeer”. He was fine with this but obviously for some children the truth can hurt. Please don't feel bad OP, you would have to fabricate the truth so much in the end it would be counterproductive anyway! (My DS will still get his stocking for a long time yet).

Purplespup16 · 04/12/2019 08:32

My youngest asked me last year, said she knew since she was 7/8 but thought we would be mad if she said anything. She is a young teen now. My oldest though is over 16 but has Autism and I have had to sit him down this week and explain about Santa. He truly did still believe, I could see he was a bit disappointed 😔. I will still be doing stockings and treats for Santa ect (he still wants to)!! I’ve even bought separate wrapping paper for the Santa presents just like I do every year! I’m relieved I don’t have to be super sneaky and they’ve agreed to have their stockings outside their bedrooms (son HATED the idea of a ‘strange’ man, albeit a magical man, enter his room so had to leave them in the living room).

Puppytooth · 04/12/2019 08:35

...also no parent should feel guilty for telling the truth! This, like the tooth fairy, Easter bunny etc seems a bit outdated to me because we are encouraged to lie for the sake of a bit of “magic”!

Trewser · 04/12/2019 08:36

It's only a lie the way any story is a lie. Harry Potter isn't real either.

Bluerussian · 04/12/2019 08:36

I've never come across so many older kids believing (or pretending to believe) in Santa. It's wrong to make such a big thing out of what is basically a lie and to get annoyed when children express misgivings about it. Santa is not real! It's fun to enter into the spirit of the story, hence stockings etc, but there is no Father Christmas bringing gifts. Christmas can still be fun and magical without mention of him except as a fantasy figure.

Do fill a stocking though, I always had one and still do one for my adult nearest and dearest, it's enjoyable to do and to receive.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/12/2019 08:39

I realised FC wasn't real when I was about 6. I knew that my very anxious, super protective mother wouldn't allow a strange man into my bedroom at night. I pretended to believe for a few more years though.

I'm actually a bit concerned that my DGS, in year 6, still believes. He absolutely cannot go to secondary school believing in Father Christmas but I won't be the one to break the bad news.

Puppytooth · 04/12/2019 08:39

Trewser - its really not though is it, Harry Potter is a fictional character in a book/film - where is the lie? whereas Santa (as children know him) is a fictional character who we are saying is real.

Perisoire · 04/12/2019 08:40

@Trewser yes Santa and Harry Potter are exactly the same 🙄

Trewser · 04/12/2019 08:43

It must be pretty joyless to have parents who are so hung up on lying that they can't bear to do Father Christmas.

Puppytooth · 04/12/2019 08:45

Trewser - ummmmm I can’t find anyone in this thread who has that view?

myself2020 · 04/12/2019 08:45

Well, you’ve actively lied to him over many years. And he’ll look really silly in front of his friends.
he has every right to be very angry

Figgygal · 04/12/2019 08:46

He is santa in our house too I'm also from Scotland and it was always Santa up there.

My 7yo is doubting he did last year to if he asks me straight I will tell him the truth but until then we shall continue the magic especially for his three-year-old brother.

It's hard I remember telling my friends sister with their parents permission because she was about to start secondary school and still believed I can still remember how devastated she was I am not looking forward to dealing with it with my child but some really lovely ideas here

Gottobefree · 04/12/2019 08:47

He will be fine. It's better you told him when he asked as his friends would probably tease him about it.

I was the youngest and has a strong suspicion Santa wasn't real when I left out mince pies, woke up and the plate was gone! Thought Santa stole it... but I found it in the dishwasher Hmm and my older siblings would play along and help my parents.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 04/12/2019 08:48

And he’ll look really silly in front of his friends.

Don't be ridiculous.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 04/12/2019 08:49

I can’t find anyone in this thread who has that view?

I found the first one 4th reply in.

Damntheman · 04/12/2019 08:50

My mum still does me a stocking when I'm at hers every other year and I'm 35 :D

Pro tip OP, have them hang their stocking (sock shaped!) outside their bedroom door. Then there's no sneaking around, you don't even have to open the door just fill it up and leave it outside the bedroom door for morning. Winning!

friedbeansandcheese · 04/12/2019 08:51

DS was just the same. He really wanted to believe in the magic. I told him that Christmas is still all about magic, just a different kind: the magic of Jesus being born and families and friends coming together to celebrate that and to enjoy being together.

MeTheCoolOne · 04/12/2019 08:53

My kids never believed in Father Christmas but still had magical Xmases - They played believing in Father Christmas just in the same way they played make believe.

Beveren · 04/12/2019 08:54

I just didn’t think I needed to do the stressful waiting around until the kids are sleep and stealthily sneaking in to fill sacks.

There's an easy compromise. Fill the sacks beforehand, shove them in a cupboard, then put them in the kids' rooms once they're asleep. If they want to leave sacks out empty, get duplicate sacks (or use pillowcases). If you don't want to wait till they're asleep, put the sacks outside their bedrooms.