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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People making me feel bad for my disposable income

254 replies

vilnerf · 02/12/2019 17:25

I've just started the 2nd year of my grad scheme (banking). Luckily I have been sent to an office that is very close to my childhood home for all of my placements. Petrol and phone are really my only bills.

I take home roughly £2400 after tax. Friends, colleagues and family are consistently making digs at me i.e I should be the one to pay or "how can you be skint". Also, I don't buy a tonne of stuff but prefer to buy decent quality products. I recently bought a designer bag (wasn't as expensive as you might expect) but received a lot of judgy comments.

Also, I've been able to save a lot and will be able to buy a house in the not too distant future. And literally no one is excited for me. Trust me I'm not rubbing my good fortune in other people's faces but it's starting to make me feel bad.

The other day at after-work drinks my colleague felt it necessary to announce to all the grads visiting from another city that I live at home and don't have to pay rent.

AIBU?

I worked my tits off to prepare for my assessment centre as I knew working for my company would not only be an amazing professional move but a great financial one also.

OP posts:
jimmyjammy001 · 02/12/2019 20:34

The mugs here are the other grads for moving out of their parents houses and paying off someone else's mortgage for them to retire earlier, at least you will be on the property ladder very soon and can laugh at them for renting for the foreseeable

ActualHornist · 02/12/2019 20:36

Wow what a lovely attitude @jimmyjammy001. Were you the poster on another thread who said they won't be friends with renters?

Either way, you sound like an arse.

ASundayWellSpent · 02/12/2019 20:41

I agree they're probably jealous. I felt quite jealous when I was on grad placement and lots of my colleagues were back in their teen bedroom while my parents were hours and hours flights away and I was spending most of my money affording to live near /travel to placement

astralweaks · 02/12/2019 20:44

Talking about money is infra dig.

managedmis · 02/12/2019 20:45

What do you want, a prize?

Hear that? It's a tiny violin playing

category12 · 02/12/2019 20:45

Getting to this position hasn't come easily for me. My family (mostly cousins, aunts etc) know I've had to really work for this and the catty comments are hurtful.

I genuinely contemplated suicide whilst at university - not saying this for sympathy just to show I've had to fight for this. I know I've been lucky but I've had to overcome obstacles just like everyone else.

I'm sure your life isn't always a picnic.

But you have a massive leg-up in the fact that your parents aren't asking for any contribution and I really hope you are aware of that and don't take it for granted. Otherwise you're going to be one of those people that conveniently "forgets" the advantages they've been given and talk a lot of old tot about how anybody can get to this position if they work hard enough.

LolaSmiles · 02/12/2019 20:48

What do you want, a prize?
Hear that? It's a tiny violin playing
Or she wants the people around her to stop being nosy arseholes.

She shouldn't feel backed into a corner when people are pressing questions about her finances, nor should she feel she has to defend her situation by explaining "yes I have help now but actually there were other challenges".
The reality is lots of people have all sorts of challenges, OP included. She acknowledges she is fortunate in her situation.

The problem is some whiny gits get very miserable if anyone has anything fractionally better than them.

viques · 02/12/2019 20:52

ARe you not paying back your student loan. Or were you lucky enough not to need one?

EvaHarknessRose · 02/12/2019 20:55

It's taken me a long time but I've realised other people generally don't get pleased for others, or support their achievements, or help when things are tough. We're all just too wrapped up in ourselves.

Moomin12345 · 02/12/2019 20:55

You should realise that being envious lies at the core of humanity. Everyone wants to be the top dog, so your disposable income obviously stings those who make less.

Bluerussian · 02/12/2019 20:55

Jealousy is a horrible emotion and one that should be left behind with childhood.

We are all different with varied circumstances and we work with what we have. If it's hard right now, it may be easier later on. Someone who appears to have it easy at the moment may face terrible struggles later on. No one has crystal balls.

I'm always glad to hear of young people being helped by parents if their parents can afford to do so. All it means is one less thing to worry about - there are bound to be plenty of others!

Throughout life, regardless of our circumstances, there will always be people financially better off than we are. The important thing is to be as healthy and fulfilled as possible. I hope the op achieves that in her life.

DavetheCat2001 · 02/12/2019 20:56

I doubt the OP will be back

Moomin12345 · 02/12/2019 20:56

@viques in banking, £2,400 salary is easily made on a net basis = after tax, NI and student loan repayments.

Justaboy · 02/12/2019 21:00

'ere, lend us a fiver will yer;?..

I remeber DD1 working near canary whafe she used to mix it with that banking lot from hsbc ?.

they used to smoke cigars and light them with 50 pound notes !!!!

BetterABird · 02/12/2019 21:08

genuinely contemplated suicide whilst at university - not saying this for sympathy just to show I've had to fight for this. I know I've been lucky but I've had to overcome obstacles just like everyone else.

So there's a lot more going on than this. Sometimes people can smell a glitch and take advantage.

viques · 02/12/2019 21:08

moomin, I only asked if the OP was repaying their student loan. I wasn't commenting on their salary.

HowManyToes · 02/12/2019 21:24

I can’t believe you don’t pay any dig money with that sort of take home pay 😮 I’d be mortified living rent free with that much coming in!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 02/12/2019 21:29

I think I would feel I should pay, though. It would make me feel properly independent. Confused

If one more person trots out ‘But why don’t you pay rent?’, I’ll eat my own head. The OP has explained more than once that she has offered, her parents have said no. They clearly want to help her get on the property ladder. Thousands of parents across the country are doing the same. Of course not everyone is that lucky - but why would it make any sense for the OP to ‘insist’ in some way just because others don’t get the same break?

Talking about money is infra dig.

Are you aiming for the wankiest comment of the week! Granted, it’s got plenty of competition, but I think that just about edges it.

Atalune · 02/12/2019 21:43

Wtf does infra dig mean??

StillCoughingandLaughing · 02/12/2019 21:58

Latin, I believe. It essentially means a bit common / ‘not quiate naice’.

BigChocFrenzy · 02/12/2019 22:01

OP:
You need to stop sharing personal information with anyone except your parents
They are the only ones who will genuinely be delighted for you

Many people you meet will be envious, not pleased for you, so discretion helps you avoid aggro.

Your colleagues should NOT know that you live rent-free, or that you are saving to buy a house soon
That's your private business

When I was starting out I was also very frugal and a real social hermit - although I had to sub my mum, not the other way round
Instead of saying you are skint:
"I'm saving like mad so I can afford to move out from my parents' place"

Don't boast about your expensive designer bag and if people notice and comment, just agree that it's lovely
They would be exceptionally rude to say you can afford expensive nights out if you can afford the bag, but:
"it was a one-off treat to myself"

BigChocFrenzy · 02/12/2019 22:04

and of course it's ok not to pay rent IFF your parents are well off and happy for you to save.
Those who are angry about that, including pp on this thread, are just jealous

It would only be taking the piss if you were squandering your money, but you are saving nearly all of it,
which is why your parents are refusing rent.

PotteryWheel · 02/12/2019 22:06

OP, you can have absolutely no idea how much your fellow-grad scheme entrants struggled on their way to where you all are, some of them probably doing it from less stable backgrounds, and who are now paying rent, council tax, utility bills, and food. Grow up, and toughen up.

Bluerussian · 02/12/2019 22:30

Atalune, infra dig means demeaning or beneath you/one.

It is a shame that the op was so honest with her colleagues but I doubt she would have anticipated the response.

I was never in op's position (never had any money either :-) ), but I can imagine if I had, and someone asked me if I paid rent to my parents, I would have answered truthfully, It wouldn't have occurred to me not to. Later I might have thought it was a rude question but you don't always think clearly when put on the spot. I would have been so hurt had anyone made remarks or shown any resentment towards me on those grounds.

Thinking back, of course I knew people who were financially better off but didn't give it much thought. How would it have been relevant to me?

Bluerussian · 02/12/2019 22:31

PS: I like BigChocFrenzy's post.

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