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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People making me feel bad for my disposable income

254 replies

vilnerf · 02/12/2019 17:25

I've just started the 2nd year of my grad scheme (banking). Luckily I have been sent to an office that is very close to my childhood home for all of my placements. Petrol and phone are really my only bills.

I take home roughly £2400 after tax. Friends, colleagues and family are consistently making digs at me i.e I should be the one to pay or "how can you be skint". Also, I don't buy a tonne of stuff but prefer to buy decent quality products. I recently bought a designer bag (wasn't as expensive as you might expect) but received a lot of judgy comments.

Also, I've been able to save a lot and will be able to buy a house in the not too distant future. And literally no one is excited for me. Trust me I'm not rubbing my good fortune in other people's faces but it's starting to make me feel bad.

The other day at after-work drinks my colleague felt it necessary to announce to all the grads visiting from another city that I live at home and don't have to pay rent.

AIBU?

I worked my tits off to prepare for my assessment centre as I knew working for my company would not only be an amazing professional move but a great financial one also.

OP posts:

Iamthewombat · 02/12/2019 19:31

The other day at after-work drinks my colleague felt it necessary to announce to all the grads visiting from another city that I live at home and don't have to pay rent.

Why do you care? Serious question. I wouldn’t share details of what rent I paid with anyone I worked with but if I did I wouldn’t care if somebody referred to it publicly.

It’s not as if they are publicly accusing you of fancying Eamonn Holmes or anything. Now that would be shaming!

Aquamarine1029 · 02/12/2019 19:32

How do they know what you buy? I have a feeling you share far more financial information than you realise.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 02/12/2019 19:34

Well done for getting where you have done. Those grad schemes aren't easy.

Ignore people who are negative, sounds like jealous. Next time they comment tell them it's none of their business and stop sharing personal information.

Atalune · 02/12/2019 19:38

You’re not skint.

You’re making a choice to save. It’s a great choice. But please don’t say you can’t afford it or you’re skint as that’s super annoying.

Just have some prepped responses. I’m saving for a house. I’m saving for a deposit. My money is all tied up in savings. I’m living frugally so I can live out ASAP.

You don’t have to give details but the I’m skint line is inaccurate and has obviously irritated your colleagues.

SteelRiver · 02/12/2019 19:43

More stealth bragging? You shouldn't have discussed your income & outgoings with anyone. Saying you're skint because your healthy savings each month has already left your account is daft. It makes you seem tight.

TulipCat · 02/12/2019 19:45

You have chosen to work in a sector that focuses on money, and an unfortunate side effect is that many people you work with will be obsessed with money. You are also a relatively high earner, so prepare to spend most of your working life fending off jealousy and judgement!

notnowmaybelater · 02/12/2019 19:50

DarlingNikita thanks The op has worked exactly as hard as everyone else on her scheme. It's very irritating indeed to have someone who's jumped through exactly the same hoops and done exactly the same thing to tell you that they've worked harder than you. Most of her fellow trainees will have had their challenges, some more so than the OP, some less, but she won't know that.

Some people are determined that they are the only one who's worked hard for something in the face of all evidence to the contrary, and that combined with lying about being skint when she's waving the fact she has no living expenses and buys designer handbags in their faces will be annoying. Not to mention simultaniously expecting them to celebrate that she is going to buy a house when they can't despite working exactly as hard because all the rent they're paying is the money she's saving for a house deposit.

Irritating and utterly self absorbed. That's what's got everyone's backs up, not earning the same money as them, for the same work.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 02/12/2019 19:51

OP, the only way in which YWBU here was to give details. It is nobody else's business other than yours.

AntiHop · 02/12/2019 19:54

OP what I'd advise you to remember is that you are on a very decent salary at a young age due to a combination of luck, privilege, hard work, and ability. I don't doubt that you've worked hard, and overcome difficulties, but that's not the full story.

I had a horrible, dysfunctional, unstable childhood. I also had eating disorders as a child. Despite the horrible childhood, I went to a good university and I've ended up doing well in my career. I'm by no means a massivelt high earner like you will be, but pleased to have achieved a senior position at work and earn £48k (I'm in my 40s).

I know that my success is not just due to my hard work. Although I had a shit childhood, I had the privilege of a really good education and I'm lucky that I'm intelligent and capable, and have relatively good health. So that privilege and luck has amplified my hard work.

horse4course · 02/12/2019 19:56

If you're worried about people being hostile to you, I don't think banking is the right career for you tbh

PooWillyBumBum · 02/12/2019 19:58

You need to learn to keep your mouth shut when it comes to money! I don’t see why you’re sharing all these details. If you can’t do something just tell people “it’s not in my budget” and change the subject. £2.4k isn’t an insane take home salary so they’re probably all feeling the pinch when paying London rents and feeling annoyed at what appears to be you flaunting your lack of responsibility.

Ohyesiam · 02/12/2019 19:59

Banking is a competitive world.

TeachesOfPeaches · 02/12/2019 20:01

You can afford to go out but you choose not to. Hearing someone complain that they are skint or can't afford to buy 1 alcoholic drink when 100% of their salary is disposable income is infuriating.

I worked with someone like this and it drove me mad.

bringincrazyback · 02/12/2019 20:09

This kind of thing is why I believe people should keep their personal finances private.

Just a tip though - probably best not to bring 'I worked hard' into it - I'm doubting for one moment that you did, but a lot of people these days work their arses off and still end up with very little to show for it. Your hard work has paid off and that's great, but I'm sure you're well aware it doesn't happen that way for everybody.

Alrighteo · 02/12/2019 20:13

Your friends are probably envious of your good fortune to be able to save your rent money. You've no bills either. But you are very much going to come across as a pain in the hole when everyone else is struggling, likes to go out and socialise and there you are, at home with Mammy, squirreling away your thousands......

You're in a very privileged position, so don't expect the 'comman man' to associate with you.

astralweaks · 02/12/2019 20:13

But you are an adult so why don’t you pay rent?

Alrighteo · 02/12/2019 20:15

As for how you can respond in future:

A: I'm saving

B: Lie and say you've already made arrangements to meet other friends somewhere

Cremebrule · 02/12/2019 20:16

Ignore the sniping. I was in a similar position when I did my grad scheme. It meant I could build a savings buffer, pay off my overdraft, build a work wardrobe and take some more risks once I had finished the scheme. If I could afford it, I wouldn’t take rent off my children when they first start work either.

Alrighteo · 02/12/2019 20:16

But you are an adult so why don’t you pay rent?

Because Mummy and Daddy simply wouldn't hear of it.......

astralweaks · 02/12/2019 20:17

I think I would feel I should pay, though. It would make me feel properly independent.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/12/2019 20:23

I don't think the OP is sharing details. I think she's the newest youngest person in the organisation and catty individuals like the one who deliberately embarrassed her in front of a crowd of people are being very persistent in mining her for information so they can find some juicy put downs.
OP.. protect yourself, @CompostableUsername had some v good advice about how to deflect these persistent questions. You don't have to be "best friends" with these colleagues, you just have to get along with them at work and that does not entitle them to know all about your life. For example, it was probably unwise to state your exact take home pay on Mumsnet. Keep your finances and spending habits to yourself. Only nosey people will question you about them and you need to brush them off and change the subject. It is sad that no one seems to appreciate what you have achieved but you know the truth and you don't need their approval, so don't expect it or be disappointed when it doesn't come. It sounds like you have supportive parents who approve of you so that is all you need really. You deserve a nice bag and you should squash those judgey comments, its none of their business...but at the same time, don't invite comments by bringing up the subject or answering questions when you don't really want to.
Apart from your parents, the rude relatives and people around you don't sound like supportive types, so don't expect them to be in future. Work hard at building up a social life and interests outside of work so you can genuinely say you are busy and none of this will bother you as much.
I'm sure you said skint as an excuse not to go to the pricey resturants but you need to make up a set of better excuses, that are not explainations or apologies and don't worry about people being offended. Such as its just not my scene but I'd love a lunchtime drink instead, or something like that. You can always say I'll check and let you know.
The cat is out of the bag now about your finances now but stop inviting comment by trying hard not to discuss money with relatives either and just laugh when they claim you need to treat them whenever they feel like it. Give back as good as you get.

Bluntness100 · 02/12/2019 20:26

I really understand why people ar being horrible to you. I can see why a colleague at your level paying high rent might have a dig, but if your friends and extended family are at it, then something is off in terms of how they feel about you.

I wonder if you brag.and don't realise it ands that's what's causing the ill feeling. People tend to be genuinely pleased for someone they like.

If one or two people did it, then they would be the issue, but when it's everyone, your friends, colleagues and family then it's you.

For context, my 22 year old daughter as a training contract at one of the biggest law firms globally. No one makes digs at her. No one.

NemophilistRebel · 02/12/2019 20:27

They are all a bunch of backward arseholes

LolaSmiles · 02/12/2019 20:32

For example, it was probably unwise to state your exact take home pay on Mumsnet. Keep your finances and spending habits to yourself. Only nosey people will question you about them and you need to brush them off and change the subject. It is sad that no one seems to appreciate what you have achieved but you know the truth and you don't need their approval, so don't expect it or be disappointed when it doesn't come. It sounds like you have supportive parents who approve of you so that is all you need really. You deserve a nice bag and you should squash those judgey comments, its none of their business...but at the same time, don't invite comments by bringing up the subject or answering questions when you don't really want to
This is fabulous advice.

People who nose into other people's business seldom do it because they genuinely care or want to celebrate positive things. It's usually to size someone's situation up and then bitch or make digs later.

Avoid being drawn into that sort of chat because you don't need it and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone else.

Put it this way, they may be renting and then be gifted a house deposit, but would still make digs about your situation because that's what gossips do.

Protect yourself by not mentioning anything about money etc in future.

Patroclus · 02/12/2019 20:34

You should pay rent OP so some posters with sticks up their arses
feel better.

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