People making me feel bad for my disposable income

[vilnerf]

I've just started the 2nd year of my grad scheme (banking). Luckily I have been sent to an office that is very close to my childhood home for all of my placements. Petrol and phone are really my only bills.

I take home roughly £2400 after tax. Friends, colleagues and family are consistently making digs at me i.e I should be the one to pay or "how can you be skint". Also, I don't buy a tonne of stuff but prefer to buy decent quality products. I recently bought a designer bag (wasn't as expensive as you might expect) but received a lot of judgy comments.

Also, I've been able to save a lot and will be able to buy a house in the not too distant future. And literally no one is excited for me. Trust me I'm not rubbing my good fortune in other people's faces but it's starting to make me feel bad.

The other day at after-work drinks my colleague felt it necessary to announce to all the grads visiting from another city that I live at home and don't have to pay rent.

AIBU?

I worked my tits off to prepare for my assessment centre as I knew working for my company would not only be an amazing professional move but a great financial one also.

If you have savings, you are not skint. It's not that you 'can't afford' the bars, it's that you do not want to spend the money, preferring to save instead. Nothing wrong with that at all but if you're telling people you're skint when you aren't, they will wonder where all the money went to.

So you are not skint, you choose to save rather than spend. This annoys me I don't give a fuck if you don't want to go to bars/spend money but to say you are skint is disingenuous. And why do your grad team know you are rent free?

She's said she can't afford it not that's she is skint.

People are allowed to say no to things on the basis that they have no surplus money.

In the ops case she's prioritised her money to savings.

Jesus you have it easy... why don't you pay rent? And no bills at all yet you can buy designer goods? People probably aren't super excited about you saving for a house because you haven't really had to pay anything else unlike most people who save for a house...

It doesn't seem like they like you very much. We don't know why.

People shouldn't be questioning why OP doesn't pay rent. If her parents can afford it and want her to save then it's no one else's business.

If I am in a situation where I don't need to charge DS rent when he's working then I certainly won't be.

You're not skint, you're saving it.

I've offered to contribute but my parents havepoint blank refused. I do treat my parents here and there e.g sent them to a posh spa last weekend for no reason.

We live in an expensive part of the country and my parents are very keen for me to get set up.

Buying a house only came up as I will be within a 10 min walk from the office within a year or so.

If you’re squirreling money away, you’re not “skint”. Skint means you’re counting the pennies in your purse to pay for food, and there’s no savings account to turn to. Maybe change your terminology.

As for OPs asking why you don’t pay rent: presumably OP is living with her parents? Why should she pay them rent? Do you know for a fact that they need help with their bills/ if she weren’t living with them they’d downsize to something smaller that they can afford without rental income? How bizarre.

This is one of those where I wonder the other side it.

I earn well. No one I know has any clue how much spare income, what I am buying etc.

It’ll be the not paying rent that is rubbing people up the wrong way.

It just comes across as being a bit cosseted and precious. It’s common enough though, I’m surprised you’re the only one on your grad scheme in your position.

Skint may be the wrong word but I genuinely do not have access to the savings. I tend to say I can't afford a night out.

If you pay petrol do you have car running costs.

Whether parents want you to contribute to household running is between you but I'd hope you do pay for food? Treat them ocassionally to show appreciation.

Good for you for getting a good and well paid job. Ignore anyone being judgemental on what you do with your money. They are just jealous.

This thread was going to take a predictable turn OP.

There's another thread at the moment where someone else is whining that other people who have more than her have mentioned not being able to afford X Y Z, and that poster has taken a neutral statement as some sort of proof that everyone is living some posh lifestyle whilst pretending to be skint and they should know better.

Unfortunately the bottom line seems to be that even if you don't discuss your finances (because it's really not the done thing), don't you dare have anything nice or express any sentiment that you're tightening your belt this month/can't afford something this month as what is a neutral statement is clearly presenting some poverty fantasy when you don't know the meaning of poor. Unfortunately there are some people in this world who are quite tragically overinvested in half pictures of other people's finances.

Buying a house? Bloody well done! Yes you got lucky on the parent front so count that blessing.

Why are you telling them what you earn and your house plans? Just keep below their nosey radar and carry on. What they don't know they can't criticise!

so your AIBU is

'I am well off , don't pay rent, have a nice savings pot and buy nice designer bags - I talk about this with co workers - AIBU when they also talk about it?

baffling

vilnerf they will have worked exactly as hard as you to get into the scheme, so the whole "I've worked my tits off" attitude will be very irritating. You have not worked any harder than the people you're complaining about. You've clearly told them that you don't pay a cent in rent and they know you have the identical income, so saying you "can't afford" something they can afford will sound like a bare faced lie - if you're going to overshare about not paying rent just be equally open about the savings going out by direct debit. You choose to do different things with your money but of course people who know you've got a higher disposable income due to no rent (which you have not "worked your arse" off for, your parents are giving you a massive freebie) will roll their eyes if you play the "can't afford it" card.

Just say you don't want to go to overpriced bars, don't lie or play poverty Olympics when you're making a sensible choice to save, but are not "skint". Nobody likes a liar.

Why is everyone questioning why OP doesn’t pay rent? That’s between her and her parents.

OP, it winds people up when you say you ‘can’t afford’ something when what you mean is that your money is earmarked for something else.

So I’d suggest stop talking about money, but if pressed, stress that yes you have money but it’s all ploughed into a homeowner ISA or something as you’re saving to move out soon.

Also, tell your cheeky colleagues that they earn more than I do, a graduate with three children.

I can't recall ever having conversations with colleagues about how much disposable income people had.

You have worked hard to get where you are and are fortunate enough to have parents who can afford to help you save money for your own house by not charging you rent. This is an enviable position so is likely to annoy people - but so what? That's their beef not yours. You don't have anything to apologise for or feel bad about. Try not to let it get to you.
When it comes to going to expensive bars or restaurants just be honest and say you're trying not to do too many nights out because you're saving for something. No need to say anymore than that.

I feel sorry for you, vilnerf, nobody should question or be resentful on account of your earnings and outgoings, they are entirely your business.

In future don't be so forthcoming with information; if you are invited on a night out and really don't feel you can afford it, just say you can't make it.

Lots of parents, if they can afford it, help their young adult children to get onto the property ladder by not taking any money from them while they live at home. You shouldn't be criticised for that, you said you offered and they refused and you do treat them. However nobody should have asked you if you pay 'rent' to your parents! Blooming cheek.

Eventually, when you buy a house/flat, you and your colleagues will all be on much the same level and hopefully there will be no more remarks.

It's a fact that some people are jealous and resentful of those who are a bit better off, it's unkind to say the least and they don't show themselves in a very good light.

Stop telling people about your personal finances?! It's so tacky.

Getting to this position hasn't come easily for me. My family (mostly cousins, aunts etc) know I've had to really work for this and the catty comments are hurtful.

I genuinely contemplated suicide whilst at university - not saying this for sympathy just to show I've had to fight for this. I know I've been lucky but I've had to overcome obstacles just like everyone else.