Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People making me feel bad for my disposable income

254 replies

vilnerf · 02/12/2019 17:25

I've just started the 2nd year of my grad scheme (banking). Luckily I have been sent to an office that is very close to my childhood home for all of my placements. Petrol and phone are really my only bills.

I take home roughly £2400 after tax. Friends, colleagues and family are consistently making digs at me i.e I should be the one to pay or "how can you be skint". Also, I don't buy a tonne of stuff but prefer to buy decent quality products. I recently bought a designer bag (wasn't as expensive as you might expect) but received a lot of judgy comments.

Also, I've been able to save a lot and will be able to buy a house in the not too distant future. And literally no one is excited for me. Trust me I'm not rubbing my good fortune in other people's faces but it's starting to make me feel bad.

The other day at after-work drinks my colleague felt it necessary to announce to all the grads visiting from another city that I live at home and don't have to pay rent.

AIBU?

I worked my tits off to prepare for my assessment centre as I knew working for my company would not only be an amazing professional move but a great financial one also.

OP posts:
jbfletcher1 · 02/12/2019 18:55

The thing is the other people probably are envious you are not paying rent or food. That makes a huge difference on 2.4k a month.

vincettenoir · 02/12/2019 18:55

Ynbu. You haven’t done anything wrong and people should not try to make you feel like you have.

jbfletcher1 · 02/12/2019 18:57

I was lucky as a Londoner that after Uni I could live at home. I paid a bit of rent but compared to what my friends paid I was significantly better off even though our take home was similar.

erinaceus · 02/12/2019 18:58

They are bullying you. You can toughen up to this, and might be wise to if you want to have a corporate career.

I agree with others that discussing your financial situation with colleagues doesn't serve you well. You could learn some stock phrases and not answer questions on this topic. Are you confident in your own choices? It is easier to tolerate bullying if you are certain about the path you are taking.

On your own struggles, suicidal ideation is shit to go through and I'm glad you are no longer in that place. However, it rarely serves anyone well to play misery olympics. We all have our stories.

Loopytiles · 02/12/2019 18:59

People are rude to comment.

Don’t say “I can’t afford it” when you really mean “I don’t want to spend money on it”! Just decline politely.

OriginalMe · 02/12/2019 19:01

If everyone has the problem with you, it's more than likely something you say or do. I don't understand why you've told them your situation, even down to not paying rent. it wouldn't cross my mind to discuss finances with anyone except my partner.

treepolitics · 02/12/2019 19:02

work colleagues shouldn’t know the details of your finances, you need to maintain good boundaries, a hard thing to understand when young but feeding people information is allowing them to make judgments that are none of their business.

Lots of people compare only on the dimension that you are better off than them and then judge you - that’s why you need to be more careful about what you are sharing.

DarlingNikita · 02/12/2019 19:03

the whole "I've worked my tits off" attitude will be very irritating. Oh fuck off.

OP, anyone who makes a nasty comment, fix them with a Paddington hard stare and give them a frosty 'I beg your pardon?' If they don't back down, tell them calmly but clearly that you do not care to hear their unpleasantly expressed opinions.

wildcherries · 02/12/2019 19:03

Also, I've been able to save a lot and will be able to buy a house in the not too distant future.

This is a humblebrag. And why should people be excited for you? Your finances aren't any of their business, but equally, why should they comment on your house-buying potential?

LAOLAHLAO · 02/12/2019 19:04

As has previously been mentioned, people seem to know rather a lot about your finances/situation. Always better to keep these things to yourself. The less people know about these things the better. Quite frankly, it's none of anyone's business.

You have clearly worked hard and are fortunate to have parents who accommodate you without paying anything. I wouldn't make out you're skint when you're not though. If you don't want to go somewhere just say no thank you. Don't feel you have to make excuses, you're a grown woman and do not owe people an explanation. I understand it probably irks a but that no-one is excited for you. But just keep doing you and moving forward. You're in a great position.

Hopefully what has happened is a lesson learned about discretion when it comes to financial affairs. This also applies to other parts of your life.

NotStayingIn · 02/12/2019 19:06

I would find you a bit annoying too OP sorry.

You aren’t skint or ‘can’t afford it’. You are choosing to save over going out. That’s completely fine. But saying you can’t afford it implies you would like to, but can’t. Which is a lie.

In reality you don’t want to. You want to save over going out. That’s a choice. It’s irritating to play the ‘poor me, I can’t do something’ card. And the reaction you are getting from people does give credibility to my point.

ChaiNashta · 02/12/2019 19:06

I know someone like this who complained about similar things when they started working in investment banking. They felt that friends and family had 'changed' since knowing about their earning/spending. The irony was that this person didn't realise how much they had changed. For example, if someone had bought toilletries or clothes from the high street there would be a slight snobby remark from this person such as 'I don't use cheap creams' or 'I go to X shop to get proper tailored coats' etc. It wasn't meant to be a put-down but they genuinely did not realise how they were coming across to people.

erinaceus · 02/12/2019 19:07

This book is brilliant for learning how to turn down invitations. I found the book transformative on so many levels. It is also useful for navigating corporate life.

Stegosaurus1990 · 02/12/2019 19:08

Why do they know you don’t pay rent?

Just stop discussing your finances and shut other people down when they talk about it.

I suspect there’s an element of you having told everyone of your good fortune and people just relaying what they’ve heard.

misspiggy19 · 02/12/2019 19:10

I've been able to save a lot and will be able to buy a house in the not too distant future. And literally no one is excited for me.

^Really? You earn £2.4k after tax, live at home and pay no rent. And you expect people to be happy that you will be able to buy your own house soon?

Do you rewalise how lucky you are?

Bluerussian · 02/12/2019 19:11

Stating a fact is not flaunting!

The op has already said that she was asked (cheekily in my view), if she paid rent to her parents and at the time, didn't think of lying.

Next time it is suggested that op goes out with colleagues she will probably say she can't make it on that date. I expect she does go out sometimes. However if she is really intent on saving a house deposit, and it seems that way, it's quite normal to cut down on some fun things. It won't be forever!

I wish I had been as sensible when I was young.

DarlingNikita · 02/12/2019 19:12

People are being very spiteful on here. Shame on some of you.

Saddler · 02/12/2019 19:12

This is where the phrase 'mind your own business' comes into its own

IdiotInDisguise · 02/12/2019 19:13

YABU, if you had not told them how much you earn and made a fuss about shopping for good quality you would have NOBODY commenting about this.

Nice people enjoy their money without making a fuss about it.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 02/12/2019 19:17

How do they know how much you earn we earn the same as we're on the same scheme. At the start fo my scheme I was explicitly asked if I pay rent by another new starter - naively I responded honestly.

Be careful with that if you want to stay in banking, talking about pay or bonuses is a gross misconduct issue in my experience

gamerwidow · 02/12/2019 19:20

If you've offered your parents help with rent, food and bills and they've said they don't want it then really it's up to you what you spend your money on.
I hope you treat your mum and dad to nice expensive treats too to say thank you for the massive favour they are doing for you.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 02/12/2019 19:24

This site is full of stealth boast posts today.

urbansprawl · 02/12/2019 19:26

Congratulations OP, it sounds as though you're doing well and are handling your finances sensibly.

However, perhaps your interpersonal skills need a little work. Some of your family members do sound jealous, but on the other hand I've been in the same position as your cohort, and it can be galling to be reminded of how unequal financial matters can be. You've massively lucked out in having parents who are (a) able and (b) willing to let you live at home rent-free, so try to be graceful about it.

Living at home after uni was never an option for me (like many), and I had to pay over £50k in accommodation costs before I'd saved enough to get on the property ladder. I'm acutely aware of how lucky I am, but it really bothered me to see so many of my contemporaries get there before me because they'd been given a leg up in one way or another.

Countryescape · 02/12/2019 19:28

They’re just jealous OP. Well done on doing so well! Some people just can’t be happy for others.

Tetraread · 02/12/2019 19:29

They probably just find it a novelty that someone on the scheme earning a fair amount doesn't pay any rent, but I wouldn't let it bother you. I don't know why they would be excited about you buying a house either, presumably you tell them a fair bit about your finances and what you do with your money, just don't put it out there. You can be proud of what you have achieved without mentioning finances, surely? Concentrate on yourself, it sounds like you're doing great and will have some really good opportunities in the future.