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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People making me feel bad for my disposable income

254 replies

vilnerf · 02/12/2019 17:25

I've just started the 2nd year of my grad scheme (banking). Luckily I have been sent to an office that is very close to my childhood home for all of my placements. Petrol and phone are really my only bills.

I take home roughly £2400 after tax. Friends, colleagues and family are consistently making digs at me i.e I should be the one to pay or "how can you be skint". Also, I don't buy a tonne of stuff but prefer to buy decent quality products. I recently bought a designer bag (wasn't as expensive as you might expect) but received a lot of judgy comments.

Also, I've been able to save a lot and will be able to buy a house in the not too distant future. And literally no one is excited for me. Trust me I'm not rubbing my good fortune in other people's faces but it's starting to make me feel bad.

The other day at after-work drinks my colleague felt it necessary to announce to all the grads visiting from another city that I live at home and don't have to pay rent.

AIBU?

I worked my tits off to prepare for my assessment centre as I knew working for my company would not only be an amazing professional move but a great financial one also.

OP posts:
Original poster
vilnerf · 02/12/2019 17:54

My parents are comfortable but would never be able to buy me a house/pay for my wedding etc.

OP posts:
Groovinpeanut · 02/12/2019 17:59

Don't discuss your private business and financial affairs with others. The only way people know about your outgoings is because you tell them! There's no other way they would know if you pay rent/ bills etc.

dontcallmeduck · 02/12/2019 17:59

Just tell them you’re saving up rather than being skint. But no you don’t have to apologise for your disposable income. I would however if I were you be paying my own way in terms of food and bills at home. I know your parents won’t accept money off you but maybe just bring home the shopping as a contribution. When I was a student I received a wage to train, I also had 2 jobs because I liked holidays but made sure I paid my parents some board to cover my share. They didn’t need or even want it and actually it turn out they saved it for a contribution when I bought my first house. I just liked contributing.

Bluerussian · 02/12/2019 17:59

The op said the colleagues are all on same salary so know what she has every month and asked whether or not she paid rent, which I think is outrageous!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/12/2019 18:00

YABU simply because it is sod all to do wth anyone else. Next time have a pat answer, a brush off ready.

As long as you and your parents are hapy with your arangement then there is no AIBU to be asked!

Save and enjoy!

dontcallmeduck · 02/12/2019 18:01

You sound very sensible by the way saving.

Lovemenorca · 02/12/2019 18:02

You have clearly been talking about all the money you’re saving.

Living at home with parents in twenties is hardly unusual these day

Button up your mouth about your finances and people will stop commenting

Bluerussian · 02/12/2019 18:02

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Add message | Report | Message postervilnerf Mon 02-Dec-19 17:53:11
Getting to this position hasn't come easily for me. My family (mostly cousins, aunts etc) know I've had to really work for this and the catty comments are hurtful.

I genuinely contemplated suicide whilst at university - not saying this for sympathy just to show I've had to fight for this. I know I've been lucky but I've had to overcome obstacles just like everyone else.
.......
Of course you have! Financial problems are certainly not the only problems people face in life. We cannot tell what has gone on in a person's life by judging the externals (which no one should do anyway).

Heartbreaking to think you contemplated suicide at one point. I bet none of the jealous brigade know that.

Please don't contemplate it again Brew.

You sound really nice and so do your parents.

BoobsInHiding · 02/12/2019 18:05

Bit like my parents wanted dsis (Youngest, golden child) to save.....
Me and db got thrown out and forced to rent privately and dsis saved and got a house 😬

MiniMum97 · 02/12/2019 18:06

Keep your earnings and outgoings to yourself. Don't tell anyone. It's not their business. If you don't have enough money it's crap as you are poor and if you have more than others you are vilified in this country. It's ridiculous.

You are doing the correct and sensible thing living at home and saving as much as you can for a house deposit. You may not be able to afford me otherwise with house prices as they are.

You are fortunate that your parents can afford to let you do this. But others are fortunate with inheritances or gifts. And others aren't and gave no support from anyone. Sadly life isn't fair. But that's no reason for others to be bad mannered and make you feel awful about your good fortune and good news. If they were real friends and loved ones they would be happy for you.

Cornishclio · 02/12/2019 18:08

We let our adult children live at home rent free after Uni so they could save for a property. Makes sense if your parents can afford it. I would not discuss money with your friends. Nothing to do with them and if they have a go at you that makes it worse.

puds11 · 02/12/2019 18:10

OP my advice would be to stay in the situation you are in as long as you can. Save as much as you can do you can put down a large deposit on a house. You will then have smaller monthly mortgage repayments and be able to continue to save whilst living on your own. Depending on what you buy you’d be able to pay it off relatively quickly then have it as a rental when/if you decide to move in with a partner.

I friggin wish I’d had this chance when I was younger and I only begrudge the people who have the opportunity and don’t take it. You are definitely making it work for you, well done. Other people are always jealous when they perceive someone as having it easier.

bengalcat · 02/12/2019 18:13

Congratulations on your achievement . Welcome to the real world of adults where the envious lurk in droves . Keep your business to yourself and they won’t be able to comment .
FWIW if my DD returns to London to work after uni she can live rent free at home and save if she wishes .

Karwomannghia · 02/12/2019 18:13

It can rub people up the wrong way when you say you can’t afford something when what you really mean is I have chosen not to spend money on a night out with you. Instead I would rather buy an expensive bag and save up for a house. Which is absolutely your prerogative, but you clearly can afford it. You might get fewer comments if you phrase it differently.
Re your parents helping you save, that’s very kind of them and no different to parents helping their kids with a deposit or wedding. If you get a comment just say I know I really appreciate what you’re doing for me and luckily we get on well so I’m in no rush to leave.

Lindy2 · 02/12/2019 18:14

How do they know so much about your finances? I assume you have told them.

Perhaps from now on keep information regarding finances rather more confidential. It really isn't particularly appropriate to tell everyone how much you earn and what you do or don't spend money on.

Karwomannghia · 02/12/2019 18:14

They’re not you’re

CloudyVanilla · 02/12/2019 18:15

OP I think you're lucky to be in the situation you are in and clearly appreciate that. The fact that your parents can see that it's better if young people can get on the property ladder before having other commitments is great.

I do think judgemental comments will come from jealousy, which isn't really fair (unless you are massively flashing cash which it doesn't sound like you are at all). It also sounds like some of the people making comments are perhaps a little defensive of their own income spending choices? If they are spending lots on fancy bars etc, which again is absolutely fine, maybe when you explain you are skint because it all goes in your savings etc they feel guilty?

Bottom line is resilience is a good thing to learn and something I'm only just getting the hang of in my mid twenties, so use your experiences as a life lesson and learn to let comments bounce off you. You are working hard and should just enjoy your life.

shiningstar2 · 02/12/2019 18:17

It is not anyone else's business whether you pay rent or not. You are in the fortunate position of having parents who can afford and are willing to give you this financial help while you save for a house. Good luck to you and them. Some people not in this position seem to feel jealous and resentful. Lesson learnt. Be very discreet about your good fortune for the future. You shouldn't have to but there you go.

Lindy2 · 02/12/2019 18:17

And I agree with other posters. Save as much as you can now whilst you can live mortgage free. It really will put you on a more secure financial footing for the future.

My mum allowed me to do this and I intend to do the same for my children when the time comes.

joffreyscoffees · 02/12/2019 18:19

Why do people have such an issue with OP not contributing to household bills if her parents don't want her to?

If DD is in the same position as the OP when she's grown, you'll bet I'd prefer her to save for a house deposit and add to existing savings, rather than pay us for something we've been managing to do for the prior 18 years.

ActualHornist · 02/12/2019 18:19

....so to count their own blessings.

Hopingtobeamum · 02/12/2019 18:20

Pardon my French but fuck them....congrats on your placement btw. So long as you're not rubbing people's noses in it what you do with your money is up to you.
Obviously there's a difference between 'jokey' comments and darn right jealous ones so clearly filter them as you see fit.
Enjoy the fruits on your hard work, there's plenty of haters out there sadly but try and brush it off.
I lived with my dad for a while whilst earning very good money (was working away from my home but near to him so I stayed with him), he didn't want a penny from me but he eventually accepted a token amount. I then used to top it up by buying shopping etc and cooking him dinner. Appreciate this is a different circumstance to you.
At least you're saving some of the money you're earning. Good for you

Irisloulou · 02/12/2019 18:20

It would be better to say, “ I can’t, I’m saving “

Devereux1 · 02/12/2019 18:21

Skint may be the wrong word but I genuinely do not have access to the savings.

This is very disingenious and together with your "I can't afford it" line is obviously why you're getting the responses you are.

It's not your parents who want you to buy a house, you do too.
You're not skint, you are choosing to save your money and not spend it.

You're an adult who doesn't contribute to your upkeep; that is embarrassing and not to be admired. You can say your parents refuse, well you're grown up, have some decency and refuse their refusal. What's stopping you doing the weekly food shop, at the very least?

I wonder if your parents are going to "help" you buy your house. Because if you go around telling the other self-sufficient trainees about this, yes, that will stick in their throats too.

Sunflower20 · 02/12/2019 18:21

Be vague about your situation in the future because people get jealous. But also you need to stop expecting those people to be excited for you. To be honest people rarely feel excited or care for someone else's milestones in life, unless there is a solid relationship.

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