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AIBU?

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Original poster

....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

578 replies

TheDelorean81 · 01/12/2019 22:07

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

OP posts:
Confuddledtown · 02/12/2019 08:30

I am a SAHP. The cost of childcare has priced me out of being able to work. It was more than my wage and cost us as a family for me to work. We didnt qualify for any childcare help when I was working, and dont get any UC now that I'm not. I'm married so do have that protection. If I was breaking even, I would 100% go back to work. As much for my sanity as anything else. Being a SAHP is very hard, you lose your identity and a big part of yourself. Once our youngest has started school I am planning on going back to university to study nursing, and that will be my way back into the work force. Otherwise I would really struggle to get employed again after being away for so long. You need to think about the long term implications staying at home will have. You need to speak with your partner. He needs to understand the hit you are taking giving up your work and support you 100%.

heartsonacake · 02/12/2019 08:30

YABVU and selfish.

Benefits are not a lifestyle choice. They are there to help those who cannot work/struggle to find work, of which you are neither.

You have a job, but don’t want to pay for childcare and think the country should fund you staying at home with your child. It shouldn’t.

If you couldn’t afford this child you shouldn’t have had it.

Parker231 · 02/12/2019 08:33

From Gov.uk about claiming UC

You’ll make an agreement called a ‘Claimant Commitment’ with your work coach.

What you need to do depends on your situation. You might need to do activities such as:

write a CV
look and apply for jobs
go on training courses
You’ll also need to do things like:

pay your own rent and other housing costs
report any changes in your circumstances

Amber2019 · 02/12/2019 08:34

To add, people saying she will need to look for work on uc. It doesnt work like that, if her partner is working 35 hours per week she will be in a light touch group meaning he earns enough for her to be allowed to stay at home with just checking in with the job centre once every 6 months. A single parent can stay at home until their child is 3.

ferrier · 02/12/2019 08:38

Being a SAHP is very hard, you lose your identity and a big part of yourself.

Maybe true for some but not for all. I've been a SAHP for 15 years and I'm alive and kicking!

Benefits are there to help people with low incomes. OP has a low income. If she went out to work she would still be claiming benefits.

ElluesPichulobu · 02/12/2019 08:42

if you would be able to step back into your previous job at the same level after you go back then it's not unreasonable. For many women it is worth the year of losing money, effectively paying to go to work, because keeping the career going for that year pays massive dividends in subsequent years because the additional time off would have knock on negative effects for decades to come.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/12/2019 08:43

@ferrier if she was working and claiming most of us would accept that because she'd be paying her own tax and NI and would just be getting a top up that she NEEDS.
However she hasn't, at any point, said she'd be entitled to UC if she was working.

dottiedodah · 02/12/2019 08:49

Not too long ago, there was a similar thread on here with someone in a similar position ,and almost everyone said she should return to work! I personally feel its up to you ,but you may have to prove to the JC that you are actively looking for work ,also why you have left your last job when you have had a baby? Nothing wrong with this at all ,but they are not stupid and may take a dim view of it unless you can prove to them a reason why your old job wasnt suitable any more?

RebootYourEngine · 02/12/2019 08:53

OP you say that your partner works different shifts each week. Have you looked at something called bank work. It's mainly in association with hospital staff (cleaners and auxiliaries) and carers. It's basically a zero hour contract where you can pick and choose your own hours. This way you could work around your partner's changing hours and wouldn't need childcare.

SheOfManyNames · 02/12/2019 08:55

Can you go part time? Life on UC is not fun, and being a SAHM is not a walk in the park either.

Musereader · 02/12/2019 08:58

Op my number is high becuse that is before any wages are deducted.

Somebody mention tax credits, like that is any different even if you could still get them.

UC require you to look for work when the free childcare kicks in at 3.

I made a chioce to go on IS for 3 months so i got a full year off but i went back full time when she was 1 because i wanted ti hang on to my job and i still had debt to pay off from when i was with ex. I may have decided to go part time if i didn't. Now she is 3 and free childcare kicks in i may yet still go part time.

Chocolatemouse84 · 02/12/2019 08:59

Wh don't you look at a job with different hours that could work around your oh job? I went doing night shifts when mine were small, that way I'd go to work when oh got home, they were 12 hour shifts so I only had to work 2 nights so only needed a couple of days nursery a week whilst I caught up on sleep.

That worked well for us, much cheaper childcare and me and oh worked around each other.

Or if you don't want to pay childcare, weekend days or nights so oh can lo whilst you work or sleep (of he doesn't work weekends) most places are crying out for care staff and many don't need previous experience.

I wouldn't jump straight into giving up work completely without exploring other options. If current job doesn't work, maybe a different one would

Passthecherrycoke · 02/12/2019 09:01

You partner just needs to get a job with regular hours. It’s obvious surely?

It’s not even difficult. Do you have any idea of the type of sacrifices working parents make every day which are bigger than this? Hmm

Parker231 · 02/12/2019 09:02

Why do people think it is acceptable to give up their job or not look for work (when they are capable of doing so) but expect the rest of us to fund their lifestyle choice via the benefits system.

I 100% support benefits being there for those in need - after redundancy, ill health etc.

EntropyRising · 02/12/2019 09:11

The problem is that we all read threads from women who have been out of the work force for ten years, the conversation is then 'why is the government so inflexible/cruel about expecting me to return to the work force when I've been off for so many years'.

Passthecherrycoke · 02/12/2019 09:11

Also love how Op- who clearly had a baby as a low earner with a low earner and didn’t seem to check how much childcare would be- coincidentally happens to be an “attachment parent” 🤣

wafflyversatile · 02/12/2019 09:17

I'm happy for my taxes to go on a mother looking after her child for a year. We pay nursery workers to look after children. Why not mothers.

dontcallmeduck · 02/12/2019 09:23

This is a tricky one for me. Is there any chance of working part time in your current job to reduce childcare outgoings? Or in my area some childcare providers offer flexible childcare for shift workers.

Ultimately I wouldn’t think you were BU to not return if not to the above questions. But it does annoy me that childcare is so extortionate it encourages people to do this. When I’d had children I had the choice of returning to work (for only £300 income a month after childcare and petrol etc) or sell our house as DH earnt too much for us to be entitled to something. So I went back and didn’t have the luxury of being a sahm. So it does irritate me so many others get to do it because of the flawed childcare system off my taxes.

dontcallmeduck · 02/12/2019 09:24

Just to clarify, not blaming the claimant at all. Blaming the system.

Passthecherrycoke · 02/12/2019 09:26

@ wafflyversatile what if we all did that? All that lost tax revenue, plus loss of childcare worker jobs (also paying tax)

JustAnotherPoster00 · 02/12/2019 09:33

The benefits system is in place to support people who can’t work

hahahahahahahahahahahaha........breathe.....breathe...ok I think I stope....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Jodie77 · 02/12/2019 09:37

You do have to look for work on UC but not until the youngest child is 3 years old. It used to be 5 years old.

There are some situations where you really are better off working part time or not working at all once all the associated costs are factored in. I don't think the problem is UC top up I think it's low wages, but people are always going to kick benefits claimants. We are the easy ones to kick. Nobody gives a flying fuck about making wages fair, or rents for that matter.

Also, the government paying for childcare is still benefits being paid. It's being paid to a childcare provider not the OP but she would probably actually be receiving more benefits in work than out of work.

Jodie77 · 02/12/2019 09:43

I forgot to say, on UC one parent can be the SAHP of that child until age 3, but if they feel that the other parent (you would have a joint claim with your partner) is not working as much as they could be, then they will push them to look for more work or different work that pays more. They would expect him to work at least 40 hours and earn at Least minimum wage for those hours. Is that the case? Or would it be better for you both to work part time?

There are also telesales roles from home increasingly. That might be worth considering.

Original poster
TheDelorean81 · 02/12/2019 09:49

Still wading through replies so please bear with me.

The one thing that gets me so far is 'your other half should pay for childcare too surely? It's a shared cost?'

I'm in one of those (apparently) weird partnerships where we have a joint account. Both our money goes in to the same account....out of it comes rent, bills, food, etc etc etc. Everything and anything we need is a shared cost and comes from a shared account.

Say I put in an extra £600 a month through my job, and £600 a month comes out in childcare...it's just easier to phrase it to say that my wages are paying for childcare. But they're not really just my wages. They're coming from the family pot. Capiche?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheDelorean81 · 02/12/2019 09:50

Also thank you everyone for the notes re getting married....I'll definitely be passing those on to him Wink

OP posts:
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