....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

[TheDelorean81]

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

If you are married then yes, if you are not married then nope. Your partner could leave you one week after you quit your job and you would not be entitled to anything from him but child maintenance. And you’d be out of work.

I’m sorry but I’ve seem to many threads on MN where people have put themselves in that position because currently they have to pay to go to work and are screwed over when their boyfriend leaves them.

But even at a call centre it will be easier for you to look for a better paying job than if you are unemployed.

Also lay if the ‘paying someone else to look after my child’ spiel. For some people it’s their only option. Absolutely nothing wrong with paying for childcare.

MN seems to be an alternate universe where paying for childcare is seen as morally wrong for young children but it’s so common in reality

Also lay if the ‘paying someone else to look after my child’ spiel.

I agree. Probably just badly worded but it is offensive. Some people have no choice.

@SilverySurfer but this IS temporary help. OP said it will be for about a year. She isn't saying she plans to live on benefits forever. The benefits system is there to help those on low incomes.

Yikes...I'm so sorry. I guess that was a horrible way of putting it.

My whole family are into attachment parenting so I think that's where my own stigma comes from. But I can see how that would be offensive to some. Really sorry!

@SilverySurfer this is temporary help? I certainly don't plan on this being long term!

@NailsNeedDoing I absolutely 100% would not be able to support my family by either not working at all, or working and paying for childcare. I'm not 'well off' at all.

This is the awful scenario I find myself in. Damned if I do and damned if I don't!

Agree with PP - if you're unmarried, insist on getting wed or stay in work!

@PickAChew I honestly don't know enough about all this....how does being married make a difference?

We've been together 6 years....he has a ring just hasn't got down on that dammed knee yet maybe this will be a good kick up the bum!

I stayed home after having my babies, all my income would have gone to childcare. So we chose for me to stay home, we don't claim any benefits, it has been a luxury and a privilege to have a SAHP for our kids.

But years down the line, I am now out of the job market and probably highly unemployable due to the long length of time I've not gone out to work.

Don't make the same mistake that I've made OP, none of us know what's round the corner and 1 year might turn into 2 or 3 (and what about more kids in the future?) and it's a possibility that you'll have made yourself unemployable like me!

@TheDelorean81

If you are married and you split up then you may be entitled to some things such as the house if you own it and spousal maintenance.

If you are not married than you can only get child maintenance.

The law does not care how long you have been with him, if you are not married then you won’t get anything if you split.

@ChanChanChan I’m sorry about your experience. It’s true that even one year outside the work force tremendously reduces your employability.

Many people become SAHM because of situations like the OP described and find themselves trapped in unemployment.

If your partner loses his job or splits with you for example then you could end in in a really bad situation.

This is not me bashing SAHM, the childcare system in the UK makes it a financial wise decision in the short term for many women but I’ve heard too many bad stories about what happens to women in the long term.

I have paid enough taxes in the past {and it sounds like you have too} so I'm thinking of it as claiming it back.

That's not how it works!

If you're relatively young and have had children, there is no way that you have paid enough in tax to cover the real cost of your maternity and postnatal health care, let alone the cost of national security, roads, police, national infrastructure.

It is up to you but I personally wouldn't. Benefits are supposed to be a temporary assistance in times of need, not something someone actively chooses to rely upon to suit themselves as a lifestyle choice. It is because of people doing this and using the system to suit their lifestyle choices that there are unfortunately so many who express unfair and prejudicial attitudes against the welfare state which is something we really should have. FWIW I personally support the welfare state and am happy to pay taxes to allow for it however I do worry that if this sort of attitude becomes more and more prevalent, theres a risk of a political party like the Tories rowing back even on benefits to the detriment of those who really are in a crisis and need it

I think it's a piss take to expect to be able to just not go back to work because it's easier to claim from the state.

Why didn't you work out the financials before deciding to have a baby?

If you're not married I'd think long and hard about this. Seriously long and hard.

Also, threads like this baffle me, did you not look into all these things before the baby was here? How is it a surprise how much childcare costs?

And yeah the 'paying other people to raise my child' is a shitty viewpoint as is referring to it as a 'stigma.'

Working between the ages of 21 and your late thirties is not working your 'entire adult life'. Not even close.
Quitting work in your thirties is a huge risk. Expecting a man or The Man to keep you clothed and fed, even for a couple of years, is a huge risk.

Much rather be home with my little one than paying some-one else to raise him

Wouldn’t we all dear? Thankfully we don’t all have this attitude, otherwise where would this money come from to allow people to not work, who can work but just don’t want to?

You would get a fair chunk of childcare paid through UC. I would go back and claim help for the childcare

Without a strong career behind you you may well find it hard to get back into meaningful employment.

And unmarried! Do not give up your income. Work out a way of making it work between you.

Benefits isn’t a lifestyle choice. There’s way too many people doing this despite what some Mumsnet posters say. Of course you should go back unless you can live off your partners wage. Hate Labour for their benefit culture just to keep votes.

Why would you be entitled to benefits for choosing to give up your job? Those who are entitled to JSA/UC are expected to look for work and take any employment available.

That's not what benefits are for. If your family cant afford for you to be a stay at home parent, you shouldn't be one. Look into the help you can get like tax free childcare, working tax credits etc. when you're working.

I'm another who finds it baffling that people don't look into this sort of thing and imran ahead for it when TTC (or during early pregnancy if its unplanned). It's not news that maternity leave only lasts a year and childcare is expensive.

So you have about 6 months to indeed your OH or you to find that better paid job. Yet, you are already planning to take a year off work instead, I don't understand.

The priority should be for your OH to find this other job, something he should really have done sooner. Yes, it's not easy, of course not, but as you've said, that would be the best solution.

If you both put the effort in looking for better jobs and nothing really comes up, then it might seem the solution, not for a year, but until you continue to apply and find something better, which hopefully will be sooner.

*plan ahead not "imran ahead"

Much rather be home with my little one than paying some-one else to raise him

It makes me chuckle when people making these kind of statements are often the ones who accuse the rich of being selfish for not wanting to share more of their earned money!