....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

[TheDelorean81]

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

[OlaEliza]

Why do you think the country should pay for you to be a sahm?

All those other mother's out working to pay tax so you can stay at home?

You should have worked out your figures before getting pg and planned and saved accordingly. That's what everyone else that provides for themselves has to do.

[TheDelorean81]

@Passthecherrycoke am I missing something? Can poor people not follow the ethos of attachment parenting?

Bonding
Breastfeeding
Baby wearing
Bedding close to baby
Boundaries
Beware of baby trainers
Belief in the language of your baby's cry

The 7 B's....the principles of attachment parenting. Not sure which one requires an extensive amount of money?

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

OP did you work part time or full time before having the baby?

Have you looked at how much it'll actually cost in childcare?

Ours is around £750 a month (FT). Granted if you're on a low income for a little while you might be worse off, but you get 15 hours free childcare once LO turns 2.

If your job is fairly secure that's also something to consider.

[catlady3]

Just want to say that, as a taxpayer, this is exactly the kind of thing I want that money to be spent on - giving people options. And I hear raising children is no picnic! Seems to me it's a flaw in the system when you're no better off working, so that's probably what needs addressing.

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

@TheDelorean81 it's clear that @Passthecherrycoke doesn't have an issue with attachment parenting and that her issue is that it's convenient that you're using it as you're reasoning for staying home

[45andfine]

Since when has bringing up your own child been regarded as a luxury.

Surely it is a necessity?

No wonder our country is full of children with mental health issues.

OP do what is best for your own and your babies mental well being.

A happy, stable family is worth a few years on benefits IMHO.

You will then be able to go back to contributing to society and will have a child who will do the same in the future.

[PrimeraVez]

Much rather be home with my little one than paying some-one else to raise him

I work full time. I still raise my two young children thank you very fucking much.

[TotorosFurryBehind]

Do people bashing the OP understand that the current government has discontinued some of the help previously available to families via benefits such as working families tax credit and the childcare voucher scheme?

[JammyGem]

I was in a similar position OP. Ultimately I decided to go back to work part time, as I love my job but still wanted to have time with my DD. My wages cover the childcare with about £100 left over a month. So financially we would be better off if I left work and stayed at home.

Benefits are for those that are struggling, so I do think it would be morally dubious to choose to go on them if you can (just about!) manage financially. That said, I think it's a sad commentary on the terrible wages and high living costs in this country that so many of us would be better off not working and claiming benefits instead.

[BonnesVacances]

This is the awful scenario I find myself in.

Presumably you chose to be in this position though? What was your plan re work when you chose to have a DC?

[backouch]

I'm in a similar situation but returning imminently, a low-paid, public sector, part-time job. Half my wages will be going to the childminder leaving me with very little a month. However, I know how hard my job is to come by, I enjoy it and want to keep my knowledge up-to-date. I've had longer time out of work before with an older child and trust me...it's very hard to get back into the same job again. I'm going to struggle with it but it's only short-term in the wider picture of things.

[BrickTop999]

UC replaced tax credits. There never seemed to be a stigma over claiming those. Id claim UC if you can.

[Tessaraqt]

OP, I'd be surprised if you'd get as much as you think. I'm doing the following based on if you own your own home - if you rent, let me know and I'll amend it.

If it's you & your partner and one child, you would get £730.56 BUT then money is taken off for your partners wages. If he earned £1100pm, they would take £376.11 off your award due to his earnings, so your award would be £354 a month.

You may well be better off going back to work and claiming childcare costs, and you'd get a higher award even though you'd be earning too. Feel free to PM with figures and I can let you know what you'd get in various circumstances.

[dontcallmeduck]

@45andfine

Raising your children is not the luxury. Giving up work to stay at home with your children is. Luxury most people can’t afford due to current living costs. I had to return to work 12 months after having my first and 10 months after my second as the choice was sell out 2 bed terraced house in the north(!) only to spend more on rent each month than our mortgage or me return to work. Unfortunately for many middle earning families it is just not feasible to stay at home as there is no help from the state for all.

And don’t suggest returning to work is the cause of mental health issues! My children had (and continue to have) a loving bond with their childminder and had me at home 4 days a week. I have extremely healthy (physically and emotionally), loving children who I share a lovey bond with.

[22WR]

I can understand the dilemma, and UC does seem the sensible option here. But I always wonder why people seem surprised at childcare costs after they've had a baby. As part of preparing for a baby, and even in making the decision to have a baby, finances including childcare should be considered.

[Passthecherrycoke]

“@Passthecherrycoke am I missing something? Can poor people not follow the ethos of attachment parenting?”

Well you can’t afford to can you?

[Parker231]

@dontcallmeduck - totally agree. If you want to be a SAMP - your choice but you fund the decision yourself.

[Dontdisturbmenow]

So since you think nursery is so bad for babies and you'll be happy to rely on working parents tax to stay at home with them, will you contribute back by offering a working mum to have her child a couple of days a week to reduce her costs if childcare.

Of course not, it's all about what makes your life easier.

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

Why don't you become a childminder?

[Daisy7654]

Stay at home with your baby. Nurseries are mostly awful and you'll be better off without travel costs etc if wages are equal to fees.
Don't feel guilty, mums who go back perpetuate the pressure to go back. Plenty of people take YEARS off then go back to same and often higher salary (in future).

[EddieVeddersfoxymop]

I'm going to don my tin hat here and say that's what's wrong with the benefit system! Not flaming the OP here at all, but living off benefits should never be a lifestyle choice. Myself, and most others I know just went back to work and sucked up the fact that out wages paid childcare, or didn't go back and lived on one wage. It should never be a choice and indeed make someone better off to live on benefits.
Totally not benefit bashing here at all, genuine people who need support I have no issue with, but choosing benefits to avoid wages going on childcare isn't right in my opinion. Rant over

[Daisy7654]

Also, claim all the benefits you're entitled to, everyone else does. You're too nice, put yourself and your little family first.

[Parker231]

@Daisy7654 - most nurseries are excellent and if you take time out it can take years to regain your career position but that’s another issue. If the OP wants to stay at home with her DC’s _ no problem but she shouldn’t be able to claim benefits to do so.

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

@Daisy7654 she's not entitled to them though - she wants to change her circumstances to enable her to be entitled to them

[anothernamejeeves]

@Daisy7654 what a stupid comment. Of course they don't or nobody would pay tax to fund people who simply don't want to work