Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws don’t want to know gender

135 replies

excitedforbaby9 · 01/12/2019 17:45

AIBU??? DH comes from a huge family with lots of grandchildren for his in laws so it’s not like ours is there first. They don’t want to know the gender of our baby until they are here and they are really aggressive and adamant about it. I’ve explained that if i slip up it’s not my problem and if they come over I’m not moving anything that would give it away! So MIL said i better move things before she comes over so she doesn’t see anything! Are you kidding me? I feel like they are making it all about them when it’s really, really not. They don’t bother with DH a lot so don’t know why they are SO obsessed. Maybe it’s hormones but we have waited a very very long time for this and we’re so excited, i don’t want to have to keep my mouth shut over Christmas just for them!

OP posts:
Cauliflowerhead · 01/12/2019 17:46

And so it begins...

Set your stall out now before it gets too much.

Thehop · 01/12/2019 17:46

Your compromise is fair.

They can choose not to visit, knowing you won’t move anything and you can try not to slip up. Though in my experience it’s impossible.

You could use he and she constantly to try and hide it

CocoLoco87 · 01/12/2019 17:56

They've had their pregnancies and children and now it's your turn. Just tell them. Then you don't have to hide anything if they visit and you don't have to watch what you say. Take the control away from them.

TriangularRatbag · 01/12/2019 17:59

They're being ridiculous!

zeeboo · 01/12/2019 18:04

So you don't tell them but do unwrap lots of pink or blue presents to the baby on the day! That way you've not broken your promise, they are just making gender assumptions based on colour Wink

CAG12 · 01/12/2019 18:04

Urgh. They cannot expect you to run around hiding things that may give it away, they're being unreasonable.

I think if they've asked not to be told, then fair enough they shouldnt be told, but they cant expect everyone to pussy foot around them

june2007 · 01/12/2019 18:05

Why can,t you respect there wish?

Lllot5 · 01/12/2019 18:05

Don’t tell them then. Not your fault if you say it or if they guess.

MitziK · 01/12/2019 18:06

Leave them something to be vaguely interested in immediately after the birth.

dontalltalkatonce · 01/12/2019 18:07

Tbh, I would cancel Xmas with them. Start as you mean to go on! 'It's a pity you feel that way, but it's not about you, it's about us and our child. We don't want to pussyfoot around and we certainly won't be moving or hiding anything to indulge you. If you can't respect that, we probably shouldn't meet until after the baby is here.'

SilverySurfer · 01/12/2019 18:08

When they are due to visit, put up bunting with It's a boy/girl!' printed on each flag and then don't say a word Grin

lynzpynz · 01/12/2019 18:08

I'd agree not to tell them deliberately but I definitely wouldn't be moving anything in my home which betrays the gender if they visit and I wouldn't be shy in telling them that! Your home, your rules.

RoxytheRexy · 01/12/2019 18:09

My MIL said exactly the same to me. Complete with dramatic putting hands over her ears and screeching. I just ignored her and talked about him being a boy. Nothing to do with her

Bibijayne · 01/12/2019 18:10

My MIL tried this. I said I wouldn't tell her, but I wasn't hiding info/telling literally everyone else who did want know and knew to keep it from her. She found out when someone said he..she got over it quick.

Was a ridiculous demand though.

PlayerOneReady · 01/12/2019 18:13

Come on tell us OP. Which is it????

Beseen19 · 01/12/2019 18:13

My parents are the same. They are pretty openly judgemental about people who find out the gender. I just said that I wouldnt say to them but if people ask I'm not keeping it quiet and I wasnt all that interested in whether that meant they found out or not. Not sure whether they did or not, they feel the same about my current pregnancy but everyone else knows.

Poppinjay · 01/12/2019 18:14

You can do your best not to mention it. If your DH wants the responsibility of moving everything that might give it away before they visit, that's up to him. I wouldn't be taking responsibility for it.

If he doesn't want to be bothered either, they can decide whether to put visits on hold until after the birth.

Original poster
excitedforbaby9 · 01/12/2019 18:15

We don’t know the gender yet we find out just before christmas! To be honest i think it’s just how aggressive she’s being about it, making it all about her! Always been the same. Maybe we just don’t see them on Boxing Day then...

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 01/12/2019 18:18

I didn't what to know but my son and his partner did and they told me, I survived. Once you two know it will come out, they'll overhear something or see an outfit etc. I would make zero effort to keep it secret. It's your pregnancy, tell who you want when you want. Interfering in-laws need firm boundaries.

TwiddleMuff · 01/12/2019 18:18

Ridiculous. Put it in a Christmas card. “Merry Christmas Pat and Steve. It’s a girl!”

“Why can,t you respect there wish?“

What about the OP’s wish? And where does it end? It’s a controlling thing to do, is the OP supposed to acquiesce to any unreasonable request simply because ILs want it?

FizzyGreenWater · 01/12/2019 18:21

sex not gender. sex not gender...

But yes YANBU.

Your reply:

'Hi PIL, sorry I should have been clearer! Just so you know, it's not all about you. Hope that helps, glad you're looking forward to meeting your granddaughter/grandson'

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 01/12/2019 18:21

Nope don’t have the time for that lol, they’ve had their children. It‘s them trying to be controlling.

TriangularRatbag · 01/12/2019 18:23

Why can,t you respect there wish?

Because it's an attention-seeking pain in the arse!

BigFatLiar · 01/12/2019 18:24

In true mumsnet style tell them they may find out it's sex but you won't know for a while it's gender Grin

Just hope you're happy and baby is healthy.

Topseyt · 01/12/2019 18:24

Time to wind them up about it. If you are expecting a girl then make sure you blurt out that you are expecting a boy in front of them, and vice versa too. Be consistent about it when they are around for the rest of the pregnancy. Watch them get all uptight about it, and possibly buy some "wrong" stuff (I know "wrong" is the wrong word, but you get my drift).

Then watch their reaction when the baby arrives and is the opposite to what they were anticipating.

That is what I would do in the face of such unrelenting ridiculousness.

Swipe left for the next trending thread