Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

In laws don’t want to know gender

135 replies

excitedforbaby9 · 01/12/2019 17:45

AIBU??? DH comes from a huge family with lots of grandchildren for his in laws so it’s not like ours is there first. They don’t want to know the gender of our baby until they are here and they are really aggressive and adamant about it. I’ve explained that if i slip up it’s not my problem and if they come over I’m not moving anything that would give it away! So MIL said i better move things before she comes over so she doesn’t see anything! Are you kidding me? I feel like they are making it all about them when it’s really, really not. They don’t bother with DH a lot so don’t know why they are SO obsessed. Maybe it’s hormones but we have waited a very very long time for this and we’re so excited, i don’t want to have to keep my mouth shut over Christmas just for them!

OP posts:

Winterdaysarehere · 01/12/2019 18:25

Tell them you intend to raise your dc gender neutral so nobody will be using he /she..
Ever.
Or she can be happy you are having a healthy boy /girl.
Or even better she can buggar off!!

TisTheSeasonToBeJollyFaLaLa · 01/12/2019 18:30

I find it amazing that a scan can reveal a social construct, technology today really is amazing.

I think it's nice not to know until the birth, I didn't with both our children, each to their own though. It's your baby do whatever you like.

Instatwat · 01/12/2019 18:40

Yeah I’d write it in their Christmas card too.

Merry Christmas!
Love Excited, Mr Excited and Baby Boy x

Caterinaballerina · 01/12/2019 18:41

My MIL was like this a bit, didn’t want to know because she hadn’t with other GC’s. We told her we wanted to find out and wanted to share it with her, there would still be the surprise, just at 20 weeks not 40 and the excitement and experience would be different but not worse. She was really good in accepting that when she looked at things differently. I’m all for you telling her she’s being ridiculous and you aren’t hiding things etc but maybe try it softly first, it might work before having to really lay the law down.

Instatwat · 01/12/2019 18:41

Oh, wait, I’ve changed my mind. Do what @Topseyt suggests - that’s actually more fun!

Darkstar4855 · 01/12/2019 18:42

You are the parents so if you want to find out the sex that’s your choice. They are being precious and controlling. I would be firm about this now before they start trying to interfere with other decisions.

QueenArseClangers · 01/12/2019 18:43

@TisTheSeasonToBeJollyFaLaLa

Aquamarine1029 · 01/12/2019 18:46

Are your in-laws this insufferable about other issues as well?

SoupDragon · 01/12/2019 18:46

Them finding out by accident if you slip up is fair enough.

Deliberately telling them would be the actions of an arse.

Auradal · 01/12/2019 18:46

They don’t want to know the gender of our baby until they are here and they are really aggressive and adamant about it. I’ve explained that if i slip up it’s not my problem and if they come over I’m not moving anything that would give it away! So MIL said i better move things before she comes over so she doesn’t see anything!

Aggressive and adamant. They can fuck off.
What is wrong with people? They don't want to know the sex. Fair enough. But just ask nicely not to be informed.

So MIL said i better move things before she comes over so she doesn’t see anything!
She can fuck off. If she really doesn't want to know and is worried she will see something that gives it away then she can stay at home.

They need telling NOW before the baby is here and they get worse about every little thing. It's like the high chair thread running at the moment. Not their baby, therefore they can't demand this, that or the other. This nonsense stops now.

Tell them to fuck off you won't directly reveal the sex of the baby to them but you will be preparing for his or her arrival and therefore she may see things at your house that give it away. You will not be inconveniencing yourself by putting things away every time she shows up. End of discussion.
She can then choose what she does with this information.

bridgetreilly · 01/12/2019 18:49

It's not their choice, it's yours. You don't have to tell them, I suppose, but you certainly don't have to hide it from them. Tell whoever you want, make whatever preparations you want, and they can just deal with it.

diddl · 01/12/2019 18:50

I think it's fine that they don't want to know.

What things are there that might need moving?

You both sound rather extreme!

Wafflecopter · 01/12/2019 18:53

My ILs said this to my SIL, rightfully so she told them she’d do her best but would probably end up slipping up.
MIL wasn’t very happy, and told her she shouldn’t have found out at all, as it’s wrong to know before they arrive.
Funnily enough, they never bothered to ask the same of DH and I, they would have gotten a much sharper reply and they know it.

SunshineCake · 01/12/2019 18:53

There seems an awful lot of aggression in text for something that doesn't warrant it.

I always choose not to know the sex of a baby that is coming and do mention that if I feel they are about to announce it but I certainly wouldn't be asking to hide things etc and if I was told it wouldn't be a problem. I just like the surprise of the day along with name and weight.

NoProblem123 · 01/12/2019 18:54

They are bonkers 😂
Congratulations on your baby and do it your way x

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 01/12/2019 19:01

Obviously if she’s bought things for a certain colour it might be a give away so the MIL would see.

Kirbs1979 · 01/12/2019 19:01

Just so you're aware, I spent ages persuading my other half to find out the sex of our eldest, he was all excited, ready to go clothes shopping after the scan. She decided to keep her legs up so they couldn't tell, we had to wait till she was born.

Blatherskite · 01/12/2019 19:01

My PiL were like this too. We wanted to know as we felt there were enough surprises with a first baby and knowing the sex did nothing to lessen the experience, it just gave us 50% fewer names to argue about.

DH gave the game away in the end by wondering whether he (the baby) would be colour blind just like him so I didn't have to do any of the daft secret hiding anyway.

Prevegen4U · 01/12/2019 19:01

I don't get your generation's eagerness to know the sex of their unborn babies. When I had my ultrasound (scan) I was interested if the little nipper had all his parts where they belonged. I remember them counting the chambers in his heart and all that and telling us everything looked normal.

We told them we didn't want to know his sex and so they didn't officially tell us BUT I later told my midwife I really believed he was a girl and she thought he was as well.

We had a long list of girl names picked out and was going to name him the one he resembled or suited him. I was stunned when they said he was a boy - but so very, very excited. We have a farm that's been in the family for generations and he would be our only child. (I know girls can farm, but believe me no females have done so yet in our type of farming/ranching, at least not alone).

Our son, now an adult, was called BabyBoyPrevegen for the first week of his life.

Let the grandparents have their bit of fun - most of us are staring death in the face.

PlumsGalore · 01/12/2019 19:01

I predict a full turn where finding out the sex - not gender- will become the done thing like times gone by, where you choose not to know.

Personally i can think of nothing worse than finding out.

Ginfordinner · 01/12/2019 19:02

Them finding out by accident if you slip up is fair enough. Deliberately telling them would be the actions of an arse.

I agree. Deliberately signing a card from yourselves and whatever the sex (not gender) of the baby is going to be is a passive aggressive thing to do, and won’t achieve anything.

Not wanting to know is not controlling BTW.

dontalltalkatonce · 01/12/2019 19:05

I don't 'get' a lot of things from my parents' generation (pre-WWII) but that doesn't mean they are wrong and I am right just because we have different views .

BackforGood · 01/12/2019 19:05

Them finding out by accident if you slip up is fair enough.

Deliberately telling them would be the actions of an arse.

This ^
You seem unduly angry over this.
What exactly are you going to have lying about all over your house that would indicate if it is a boy or a girl anyway ?

Original poster

excitedforbaby9 · 01/12/2019 19:06

Oh don’t get me wrong of course the health of my baby is my upmost priority. They are currently very healthy thankfully! We decided to book a private gender scan just before Christmas as our present to ourselves but obviously their health is the most important thing that isn’t even a question!

OP posts:

Alsohuman · 01/12/2019 19:07

Isn’t it enough that you know, OP? Do you really need to share it with the world? I’m old enough to remember that excited “It’s a girl/boy” immediately after the birth, it seems a shame that’s been lost.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread