In laws don’t want to know gender

[excitedforbaby9]

AIBU??? DH comes from a huge family with lots of grandchildren for his in laws so it’s not like ours is there first. They don’t want to know the gender of our baby until they are here and they are really aggressive and adamant about it. I’ve explained that if i slip up it’s not my problem and if they come over I’m not moving anything that would give it away! So MIL said i better move things before she comes over so she doesn’t see anything! Are you kidding me? I feel like they are making it all about them when it’s really, really not. They don’t bother with DH a lot so don’t know why they are SO obsessed. Maybe it’s hormones but we have waited a very very long time for this and we’re so excited, i don’t want to have to keep my mouth shut over Christmas just for them!

Thank God you mentioned the difference between sec and gender Lweji. It was about time somebody brought it up.

I know it wasn't. Hence the and . Well done you.

My ILs did this, which meant they couldn’t visit the baby’s newly decorated bedroom, look at the clothes, toys or anything we had bought or were gifted, everything had to be hidden and not mentioned just in case it gave the game away, they were the only ones out of the 2 families that didn’t want to know, weren’t even really fussed or excited about the gender of the baby when it was born. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just want to make something clear, not once did i say that i PERSONALLY would only buy pink or blue, i made examples. Just yesterday i bought some knitted dolls which some people would think are ‘girly’. I personally think we’re having a boy but that didn’t cross my mind when buying dolls. Everything we have bought up to know is completely gender neutral. My in-laws are very ‘traditional’ pink = girl, blue = boy, i wouldn’t say i am but i will have some items which if you believe in these stereotypes you could easily assume the gender. There’s no need to be passive aggressive for people for using gender instead of sex, personally i didn’t think there was a difference (not trying to be offensive) but clearly i have a lot to learn. Some people really say some things knowing the poster is pregnant!

You don't have to move anything in your house, she is being UR to expect that.
I would respect them not wanting to know, but I wouldn't go out of my way to hide it, if you see what I mean.. so if she sees pink/blue stuff in your own home, tough.

It would be nice to share the nursery we’re renovating with the in laws as everyone else is excited about it. I may have babies name above the door which would give away gender, which in laws would see when going to the loo. Hope that clears up HOW they would know the gender at our house...

Just let your in-laws know they probably won’t be able to come round, or give input into any clothes, decor, names you might like. I’m sure they’ll change their minds lol

I asked the other day if she would like to know some potential name options we had for boys and girls and she stuck her fingers in her ears. Just lovely!

We found out with our children and it didn't occur to me not to tell the grandparents. They weren't given a choice. I'm not sure why they would.

I wish MILs would just let their children and their partners enjoy their lives and make their own decisions

The first thing my MIL said to me after congratulating me was "you won't find out the sex, will you?" We did find out the sex. We didn't deliberately tell MIL but we didn't try to keep it a secret from other people. It helped that I hated pink (We were having a girl) so there wasn't pink stuff in the house. In the end MIL had convinced herself that we were having a boy because of something she'd thought that we or SIL (who knew the sex) had said and was really surprised when dd arrived! Personally I think it's really odd to put this condition on someone else but we just houmored MIL and without trying too hard managed not to give the game away but I wouldn't have been too bothered if we had done so.

Don't worry, when they come over and complain you haven't put away the pink pram say "we won't know how the baby identifies until they are at least 3 so the blue stuff is upstairs"

My parents wanted the surprise but they wouldn’t have thrown their toys out of the pram if we’d slipped up and I’m fairly certain we slipped into saying ‘she’ around them.

This is odd. Are people really that bothered?

Don't tell them. And then don't tell them when the baby is born either. Keep putting off visits. If they eventually do meet the child, scream and make a huge show of covering its lower half. Give it a gender neutral name such as "Brick" or "Weevil". Dress the child entirely in amorphous yellow sacks. Only refer to the child in public as 'it'. Tell child that The Forbidden Knowledge (as it will come to be known in the annals of your family history) must be kept from Grandmama under pain of death. Move to another country before they develop secondary sex characteristics at which point cut all contact forever.

If MIL ever remarks that your behaviour is odd, remind her that she didn't want to know the gender. You keep your promises. By God, you keep them.

First thing mil said to me post bfp was ah well accidents happen!!
Cf!!

Well it's hardly difficult to keep the nursery door closed & not put the name up until after baby is born.

But if MIL really is screaming about it then maybe she just needs to not visit as it would be too stressful.

Do what you want to do, this is a happy time and it's about you and your DP and your future child.
X

My Dad is like this. He is LOVELY, absolutely lovely in a thousand ways but he is weird about knowing the sex of babies. He has loads of grandkids and whilst most of the time the parents didn't find out, with a few of them they did and he was adamant about not knowing. He can't really explain it it's just something he feels strongly about... To be honest, he is so adored by the family that we've all just gritted our teeth and humoured him. It's only for a few months. I do kind of fall into the camp of not choosing specific names and buying loads of clothes and stuff beforehand anyway so I could cope with it.

Hopefully you and your partner can find a compromise to make everyone happy and huge congratulations on your baby!

Sod them. You cant please everyone. Its tough if they find out by chance/you slip up. What harm will it do?

This is your time, your pregnancy, your baby! Dont worry about ANYONE elses wishes, you enjoy it for yourselves ☺️ Xx

I should probably have put a after my post lweji.

My Grandma didn't want to know the gender of my children before they were born. Fast forward to DD3 and the older ones blurted out her gender

Come on it’s not hard not to tell them and if they don’t want to know what’s the harm?

I think MIL lost the right to consideration when she screamed in the OP's face, personally.

After the first comment saying sex not gender i got the memo.

Clearly not, though.

Theres no need for her to be so involved in your lives is there? Acting like a fucking demon, shrieking in your face and putting her fingers inside her ears? Nah, time to raise your standards and not indulge shit like that. Respect her (‘there’ 😂) wish and tell her fuck all about your body, your kid and your lives. Opt out of her trashy behaviour.

My PIL were like this.
Not just re gender but the fact we needed IVF due to male factor issues (ie her sons difficulties).
The IVF was not to be spoken of'. At the Christening, I mentioned it (to thank our Consultant, who'd attended) and she put her hands over her ears and wailed.
Our 2nd child, also IVF, she chose not to come to the Christening.

Because she is a Christian and 'doesn't agree with IVF'.

Sorry for vent :( Take a stand now, it will get worse