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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Did you have some help”

181 replies

Legomanships · 01/12/2019 16:42

AIBU to find this response to us telling our friend we are having twins a bit rude?

I can imagine I may (possibly) be a little bit hormonal etc, but I feel like this is a weird response. It wasn’t said in a jokey way, and was the only thing she said before saying she was on her way out.

My husband also thought it was rude, but he might just be agreeing with me to make me feel less stupid.

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 01/12/2019 17:05

There's been a huge increase in the rate of multiple births since IVF. In many cases their assumptions would be correct.
It is a little bit rude though.

drspouse · 01/12/2019 17:06

Mum of classmate to DD. Sadly it's quite common apparently. Even medicinal professionals, "do they see their mum", yes she IS still their mum but that is a confusing question for a young child.

Likethebattle · 01/12/2019 17:07

My friend was put on clomid for secondary infertility, when she got pregnant and went for her 12 week scan the sonographer said ‘clomid Eh? Let’s see how many little blighters are in there then!’ There was just one.

StrawberryGoo · 01/12/2019 17:07

I can understand why people privately wonder but to verbalise it is incredibly rude. Those who have had IVF have often had an incredibly painful journey to conceive which many couples prefer to keep private. It’s none of anyone’s business how you conceived.

Congratulations by the way!

Outsomnia · 01/12/2019 17:07

Congratulations OP! Forget what people say, they do a minute later.

Have to say on a light note that I thought the post referred to ahem, Botox or something!

Snowman123 · 01/12/2019 17:09

Seems a bit touchy to me. People are just curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

JoGose · 01/12/2019 17:09

People can be so rude

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 01/12/2019 17:12

Seems a bit touchy to me. People are just curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

They’re asking if the OP is ‘fertile enough’ to have a baby. Why the fuck wouldn’t she be sensitive.

firstimemamma · 01/12/2019 17:13

Yanbu, it's a rude question and very personal.

I'm forever being asked "when baby number 2 will be on the way" and it drives me insane!

ErickBroch · 01/12/2019 17:14

When my friend fell pregnant with twins she was asked this constantly at baby and antenatal groups - often quite rude too and would say "well yours are natural, unlike so and so's" in a very negative tone.

Ated · 01/12/2019 17:16

Yes, got an extra shove from the milkman!

parrotfashionista · 01/12/2019 17:27

I find answering any questions that you don't want to answer with "why do you want to know?" Is effective Grin

HollowTalk · 01/12/2019 17:28

"Their father put in a lot of effort - we had a fantastic time, thanks."

ShyteSprite · 01/12/2019 17:30

YANBU - "Have you really just asked me if I had fertility problems?" should make them realise what they're actually asking you when they ask that.

Bluerussian · 01/12/2019 17:32

I don't suppose she meant anything but common sense would have told that a fairly young couple not long married wouldn't have been having fertility treatment. Anyway, twins aren't that unusual at all, there are lots of them. Silly woman.

Congratulations! I always fancied having twins, bit late for me now:-) but am pleased for you.

Sandals19 · 01/12/2019 17:33

I got "was it planned?" twice in one day from work colleagues when I told them I was pregnant.

The second was the HR manager.

YouTheCat · 01/12/2019 17:34

My twins are nearly 25 and I've never encountered this before.

I did have people asking if my boy/girl twins were identical though.

SmileyClare · 01/12/2019 17:41

Surely if you were pursuing medical assistance with conceiving you would have shared that information with her as a friend months ago if you'd wanted her to know.
Hopefully she is now kicking herself for blurting out a thoughtless comment?

I don't get why some people are almost sneery about IVF conception, it's an awful attitude. almost as if they are accusing you of "cheating" if you fall pregnant after fertility treatment!
The flipside is couples that are very vocal and prickly about how their baby is more precious because they had IVF and spent X amount. Confused
It's a touchy subject.

Congratulations by the way.

Frenchw1fe · 01/12/2019 17:42

@parrotfashionista exactly. Turn the question round.
Once you ask someone why they want to know they have to stop and think about their intrusive question.

sillysmiles · 01/12/2019 17:43

And people say there is no stigma around IVF - but people are being snippy and disgusted to suggest that you might have had IVF?

SmileyClare · 01/12/2019 17:44

Sandals I'll take your "was it planned?" comment and raise you
"Have you found out what's causing it yet?" (fil on hearing about my 2nd pregnancy). Hmm

StoneColdSaidSo · 01/12/2019 17:45

I have twins, naturally conceived. The only time I was ever asked this was at my hospital appointments. Even if someone had asked, who cares? Just say no.

Worriedalldaylong · 01/12/2019 17:47

I think you're being a bit oversensitive to be honest.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 01/12/2019 17:47

sillysmiles it’s got absolutely nothing to do with a stigma. It’s none of anyone’s business how someone conceives, unless that person volunteers the information. You might as well ask someone did your husband ejaculate in you or did you conceive ‘artificially’.

Mlou32 · 01/12/2019 17:49

Being young/newly married doesn't necessarily matter when it comes to fertility; plenty of younger people go through IVF due to various medical issues.

But yeah, it is a bit of a strange question for her to ask, but it's only herself she's embarrassed by being so ignorant/insensitive so don't worry about it.

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