To be fucked off about my Saturday night

[Quebeth]

I’m just looking for a rant and some solidarity if I’m honest.

My kids are 2 and 5. They are good girls but fucking shite sleepers. Usually DH deals with one at bedtime and I deal with the other. DH is out on a rare night out tonight and the pair of them are taking the utter piss.

The two year old has just gone over. The five year old is having a tantrum (overtired) because she “hates sleeping” so I am lying in bed with her while she rolls around and moans at me.

All over Facebook people are out enjoying their Saturday night. I haven’t even had my tea yet let alone a glass of wine. And when she finally goes to sleep I’ll go and clean the fucking kitchen then go to my bed.

I am so so tired of the drudgery. There is no fun any more. Even when we get babysitters the five year old is always fucking still awake when we get home so we can’t relax and it’s not worth it because we still have to do the bedtime battle after a night out.

I’m about ready for leaving tonight.

Nope Schadenfreude I totally agree with you. My parents used many of the tactics used up thread. I have more of memories of anxiety and childhood depression than I do happy ones. Obviously there were other things at play there, it wasn’t just bed time that was an issue but I can’t pretend it didn’t contribute to a large proportion of it.

There are loads of sleep strategies out there. OP and her H’s current ones are not working well, lots of options to pick from.

Also important, as well as the DCs’ needs and preferences, to consider OP’s and her H’s. Both my DC had sleep issues, one still does at secondary age! In retrospect we would have tried some different approaches sooner as it impact negatively on my health and our relationship.

It’s hard but you just need to be stricter, tougher and consistent. I don’t think any child will sleep if they know they are allowed to get out of bed and do something with you or watch tv. Very few children are naturally great sleepers.

I have a fairly reluctant sleeper who sometimes still wakes up in the night screaming that she wants to go to play, but it’s rare these days. She knows that no matter what she does, she will stay in her bed and in her room. We have always been 100 per cent consistent with this and we have gone through some trying phases her and there but it always works in the end.

All the terrible sleepers I know are eventually taken out of bed when it’s clear they won’t sleep. It’s letting them win.

Hope your curry was lovely. I have a 5 yo that is rarely asleep before 9.30 so feel you. If its a single parent bedtime we all have pizza in front of the TV before bedtime so at least I'm not starving. Loving the pp who takes her wine up with her!

Sounds like your dh needs training first if he gives up at the first hurdle, that must be so frustrating. If he wants to keep the status quo then he should suffer through all bedtimes alone until he comes to the realisation that nothing is instant and works with you.

The 2 year old may follow suit when the 5 year old does. It's hard and you have my sympathy as sleep deprivation and stress isnt good. We ended up using a night light up teddy for dc who got scared of the dark and then had to get firm or they'd still be keeping us up now. We found stories in bed, not downstairs helped and audiobooks. A sticker chart for bedtimes also proved a good incentive.

gosh OP I feel your pain. No fb when my DC were small but one of mine wasn't a sleeper and sometimes I'd shut myself in my room and scream into the pillow that I couldn't take any more (DH worked evenings)

In the end I just used to put her in bed, do all the routine, leave the room and hold the door closed. and every 10 minutes of the screaming and hammering and kicking at the door, I'd poke my head round and say "stop doing that go to bed" and close the door again. And sometimes it took 3 hours, sometimes it took more, sometimes she slept. But I hated every single minute of her being like that (and she only slept through when she was in 2nd year of primary school)

Much much later the younger women at work who had never understood why I could never join in their evening/weekend activities were in the throes of small kids and telling me "it's ok for you, you don't have this shit" and I just ignored them. It sucks, it is shit, and eventually it ends. Hang on to that.

Tiredness brings out the worse in us. Just look at how grumpy and miserable you are by not getting enough rest and sleep. It will be worse for your children. They need sleep for the emotional, mental and physical health. You really really need to sleep train them. You and your husband both need to make a full commitment to it and as skittlesandbeer has said you need to be consistent in it. No giving up and changing rules half way through. Took us 3 weeks to train our child. I recommend hiring a sleep consultant and making a plan which will suit your needs. We got Deborah from savytotsleep and it was the best money we had spend. But again implementation of the plan was on us.

Having read one of your updates, thought it worth mentioning that every time I put my DD back in bed I said “mummy loves you it’s time to go to sleep“. Minimal eye contact and no engaging in conversation no matter what she said.