To be fucked off about my Saturday night

[Quebeth]

I’m just looking for a rant and some solidarity if I’m honest.

My kids are 2 and 5. They are good girls but fucking shite sleepers. Usually DH deals with one at bedtime and I deal with the other. DH is out on a rare night out tonight and the pair of them are taking the utter piss.

The two year old has just gone over. The five year old is having a tantrum (overtired) because she “hates sleeping” so I am lying in bed with her while she rolls around and moans at me.

All over Facebook people are out enjoying their Saturday night. I haven’t even had my tea yet let alone a glass of wine. And when she finally goes to sleep I’ll go and clean the fucking kitchen then go to my bed.

I am so so tired of the drudgery. There is no fun any more. Even when we get babysitters the five year old is always fucking still awake when we get home so we can’t relax and it’s not worth it because we still have to do the bedtime battle after a night out.

I’m about ready for leaving tonight.

Gahh! I remember this pain. For 6 months last year my poor neighbours heard me bellow "Goodnight EmmiJayJnr!" every time I heard her trying to shuffle to the living room where I was. I had to tell her 'bed' at least 86577 times before she got it and stayed in bed. Now (shes 5) I say bedtime, she gathers her blanket and bear, I tuck her in, sing 'Soft Kitty' and within 10 minutes shes snoring. Your day will come OP!

One thing with my DD is that she can be quite anxious

This. Absolutely this. She is anxious. But she can’t seem to tell me why. DH thinks she’s playing us but I don’t. She hates to be alone.

There’s a really good tip I learnt a long time ago. It takes three attempts at something to make it a habit. Good luck and enjoy the curry.

No they don’t share a room. We once tried that to see if it would help.

Never. Again. 😳

I hear you OP. Parenting is miserable. The only reason people do it is because by the time they find out how miserable it is, it’s too late to change their minds. Your life (and mine) is basically over for at least a decade and a half.

You sound a bit hangry but I get it OP, I really do. Much of parenting is drudgery, and it's fucking hard. Two of my kids are now teens, and I'd take them over much younger kids any day. Hang on in there - it does get better

How bad is the kitchen? Just leave it till tomorrow, unless you and Dh have been leaving it for days already?

It’s not terrible I’ll just load the dishwasher and the rest can wait till tomorrow (DH can deal with it in his hungover state)

CBeebies radio was a bloody GODSEND when DD was little. I'd read to her in bed, put Old Jack's Boat on for ten minutes and I don't think she ever made it to the end of an episode without falling asleep. It really did soothe her. Hope it works for you OP - and yep, this bit is the hardest. Too active to be left, too small to do their own thing

It's difficult op. I have a 7 year old who has always been fine with bedtime and sleep.
I have a 4 year old who finds it very hard to settle at bedtime and will usually wake at least once in the night and try and get in our bed or get a cuddle in his own bed.
I accept that sleep doesn't come naturally to him ( like me to be honest) . In the evenings when he pops out of bed DH and I just don't engage with him. We dim the lights and carry on reading / working/ whatever. Within 20 minutes he has usually asked to be put back to bed because he's bored of being ignored. For staying in his bed we operate a reward chart which he sometimes responds to. Often I just give him a cuddle because he is 4 and he needs it. It is hard but they are little. You have to be firm but fair and try not to get angry they're only small.

Good luck and goodnight Quebeth

Mumsnet is the best contraception 😮

2 year old: eh, that's how they are sometimes and occasionally it's tough

5 year old: I've read through and honestly you're just making excuse after excuse as to why they won't sleep. Sleep train, you're the adult, you don't have to put up with this

The Moshi sleep stories seem to be working really well on my insomniac dictator chikd.

I absolutely love the bones of my girls. Now they are asleep and food is ordered I feel so guilty. I probably wasn’t as patient as I should have been. I’m just so tired of it. DH should be able to have a rare night out without it all going to shit (he offered to come back early but I talked him out of it)

Thehop I’ve seen them advertised on Instagram a lot. Do they really work then??

Omg. Enjoy your curry. Don't feel guilty.

It is difficult. But fk. I would hate to expect a bedtime like that.

..

creamcoolfudge I am sorry that I told you to fuck off. That’s really not me. Your post just wound me up when I was already wound up but there’s no excuse for that

OP, in the nicest way, you really need to stop letting the kids dictate this routine..... it's like letting the lunatics run the asylum for want of a better description.

All screens off at least an hour before bedtime, nice bath, into bedroom, story time, and a very firm love you, cuddle, goodnight. A well fitted barrier type stair gate that can't be opened, gentle night light. Every time they get up, you put them back to bed and with absolutely zero interaction other than a goodnight. May take 3 or 4 nights in which your sanity is seriously put to the test, think one of ours lasted 8 nights, but they will learn that they get no attention from keeping going. Ours went from settling in about 4 hours to less than 20 minutes each night and we got our very precious evenings back. Then it all goes to shit again when they're teenagers and they're up way past your bedtime.

In the kindest possible way, you're the adult here and a child is not capable of knowing what's best for them.

Get your dinner and a glass of wine and tell them mum is tired. The five year old can be told this straight.

Do the dishes in the morning.

I know it's shit at the moment, but mine are teenagers and they don't want to leave their beds.

Patient Voice:

'You hate sleeping? Fine. You can help me to scrub the toilet/clean the dishwasher filter/fold the washing, bring it up here and put it away. Your room needs tidying, too, as you aren't sleeping, you'll have plenty of time to do it. Or you can stay in bed and listen to CBeebies Radio. No, you aren't thirsty. No, you've just been to the toilet seventeen three times, you don't need a wee. Your tummy doesn't hurt. No, Daddy's not here/is asleep. The cat will come in when you're asleep, but she's afraid to when you're noisy because she wants to sleep. Help me do housework, clean your room or lie down and rest. The light will be on in the hall. No, not in your room. No, I'm not coming in because I need to do work drink wine and wish for a Nanny. Your choice - CBeebies Radio, then?'

It's hard going. You get to the point in the day when you just need a bit of headspace. It does feel like all work and no fun sometimes. 💐

Another vote for supernanny. Yes, you might go slightly mad putting them back wordlessly to bed for the 389th time. Deal with it.

Send your DH away for the week if he can’t get on board. It requires absolute commitment, and no backing down. That basically IS the technique.

I’ve seen loads of friends ‘try it’ but fold at the 1st, 3rd or 10th hurdle, saying ‘it’s too hard’. The same people who will ruin their own sleep and mental health for hours every night for years. How is that not harder???

Just because you’re in a bad habit of giving in to the kids now (mainly because you’re deliriously energy deprived) doesn’t mean you can’t reach deep inside yourselves and find the strength to implement sleep training. Trust me, once you see it works and you’re downstairs with a good movie and a nice evening stretching out in front of you, you definitely shut down their bedtime nonsense quick smart. The benefits will be real. You’ll kick yourself for giving in all those nights.

And the kids need you to do it too. They need the sleep more than you imagine, and they need parents who are on the same page and getting rest too.

C’mon. A week or two of total commitment, and it’s done. No cheating or backsliding or adding your own twists. Assume it will take 1000 attempts to crack it, then you’ll be pleasantly surprised (cos it’ll surely be less).

My DD (now 18!) was the most wilful and stubborn individual I have ever come across when she was a toddler and early primary school.

When she was about 4, I ended up asking my mum to have my DS to sleep at her house for a couple of nights (she only lives five minutes away by car so I was able to have him at home all day). I then did sleep training with DD. I had to put her back into bed well over 100 times the first night and around 70 the second night. It was hell but by night three we were in single figures and by the end of the week she got it.

At the time, I simply couldn’t imagine that it would ever end and, simultaneously, didn’t know how I was going to survive another 24 hours. As others have said, it really is transitory and this too really will pass