To be fucked off about my Saturday night

[Quebeth]

I’m just looking for a rant and some solidarity if I’m honest.

My kids are 2 and 5. They are good girls but fucking shite sleepers. Usually DH deals with one at bedtime and I deal with the other. DH is out on a rare night out tonight and the pair of them are taking the utter piss.

The two year old has just gone over. The five year old is having a tantrum (overtired) because she “hates sleeping” so I am lying in bed with her while she rolls around and moans at me.

All over Facebook people are out enjoying their Saturday night. I haven’t even had my tea yet let alone a glass of wine. And when she finally goes to sleep I’ll go and clean the fucking kitchen then go to my bed.

I am so so tired of the drudgery. There is no fun any more. Even when we get babysitters the five year old is always fucking still awake when we get home so we can’t relax and it’s not worth it because we still have to do the bedtime battle after a night out.

I’m about ready for leaving tonight.

No, I’m not user, I do think it’s pointless thinking about brilliant Saturday nights others may or may not be having. If they are having brilliant Saturday nights it’s probably not with young children and there was a time not so long ago for me where I might have had what looked like a great Saturday night but was in the midst of fertility treatment and desperately wanting young children. It does help to remember these things.

With that being said I can see op is at end of her tether and I apologise for being a grumpy arsehole

I have just one DD and she is similar by the sounds of it. Huge issues with her sleeping and I can't just put her in her room and shut the door. She follows me around the house if I do that. I have considered putting a lock outside her door but I don't know if that is ok, and not sure I could deal with it because she would get hysterical. I don't want to be out drinking, I do want some quiet time to sit by myself, like I am having right now. I've just woken up and DD is finally asleep in my bed. I haven't eaten either. I've ordered a takeaway.

Sell them and spend the profits on wine

I’d have eaten earlier as it seems like you knew this was likely. Definitely don’t clean the kitchen. It’ll still be there tomorrow. And yes, much firmer at bedtime about what’s allowed. Have consequences and rewards. You need to be in charge, not your 5 year old.
It’s hard, but you can make it easier if you want to (assuming the children are neuro-typical, which I assume they are or you would have mentioned it).

The thing is they are so good during the day and they are so good when we are out and about. The kind of kids that when we go to a restaurant people will actually comment on how well behaved and sweet they are.

But bedtime is just awful. I’m not really looking for tips to deal with it right now. I’m going to try to tackle it in the Christmas hols. I just really needed to rant because
I needed an outlet

Get a grip. And get off your phone and give them a bit of attention, they'll probably settle quicker then

Little monkeys! Sleep train, it's a nightmare but after a couple of horrific nights you suddenly realise your kids are asleep at a decent time. It's a nightmare when you reach your limit, it's late, your tired and hungry and alone. It does sort itself out. I promise.

I have considered eBaying them, yes

Obvious goady fucker is obvious.

Hi OP

Not sure if you want ideas or you're just looking to vent.

Have you tried sleep training or a sleep consultant? I had a 7 month old that didnt sleep and was the best £300 I've ever spent. My 3 year old was going through a bad phase as well and I quickly spoke to her about it and she said its just like on suprrnanny, put a stair gate outside their door, put them to bed, if they get out or manage to cause carnage just go in say bedtime and put them back in bed, no arguing, communication, telling them what to do, justification etc just put them in bed and walk out. She said she has seen parents do it hundreds of times the first night, 30 times the second and a couple the third and in 4 nights they usually sleep through

She said if you want a gentler method then have a reward box and get them to choose a treat every time they sleep through or dont shout or wake up every hour or whatever your goal is. Or have a consequence that's immediate eg they lose a marble from their jar or you take a teddy from their room etc for every time you have to go in.

Ultimately it is shit and wont be like this though I know it feels like it at the moment. Maybe divide and conquer is the solution for the moment though - if one of you is going to have a shit night anyway they stay in and ita a bit shitter than normal but the other parent can give out and recharge a bit

Much sympathy here too OP. I know what it's like to be driven to absolute bloody distraction and feel like it's never going to get any better. Mine are shit sleepers too but older than yours. I'm a single parent so get very little down time during the week. I sometimes fantasise about running away, I'd never do it but it's a pleasant thought process.

Oh give over @Cantsleeppast3am

Oh my 4 year old is always on about being bigger and taller, I explained that she grows best when she is asleep...then said to her that she was growing out of her clothes and I didnt want to buy any more and maybe she should stay up all night so she wouldn't grow any taller and I wouldnt need to buy any more...that worked quite well for a few weeks!

I'd have fucked off downstairs to get my dinner long before now! Would give 5yo choice of staying in bed or coming downstairs to entertain herself while I ate. No point you staying up there with her when she's clearly just mucking about, you may as well eat. And rope her in to clean the kitchen tbh!

Thank you Stats. Ultimately I think we will need to Supernanny the feck out of DD1 but I’m not optimistic. She’s so bloody minded about it. No reward (or threat of consequence) is more important to her in the moment, than staying awake.

Your 2 yo sounds completely normal, your 5yo however needs some strategy at bedtime! Our nearly 4yo is trying every trick in the book to stay awake:

Need a drink
Need a wee
Don't like the dark
Don't like the nightlight
Need another story
Need socks
Don't like the socks
Didn't want that story
Want daddy instead
Want mummy instead
Opens the stair gate and creeps downstairs

We've had to be really firm and not allow her an inch of wiggle room and she's coming out the other side now. With your 5yo I would start a reward chart for every time she goes to bed when you say. You can "show Father Christmas" the chart - great time of year for incentives.

You're getting an unnecessarily hard time on here from the usual bored Saturday night crowd.

Write a story on her back with your finger. You can softly narrate at the same time. It’ll relax both of you, and she should nod off 🤞

Preggo if she would entertain herself I would do that but she doesn’t. She needs constant attention. Which is probably my fault. She doesn’t seem to know how to entertain herself at home

I’d agree. Sleep train, it sounds like they have learnt that if they fuss enough they get attention. Don’t ignore but don’t give attention either, it must be exhausting.

Under no circumstances should you clean the kitchen when they go to sleep. Have some food and a glass of wine then go to bed yourself. It's crap but it won't be like that forever x

There are some sanctimonious wankers on here tonight. People like you are part of the reason many young mothers don’t ask for help when they’re struggling, which can lead to depression and worse. Why the hell have you come on here to drag down a young woman that’s already struggling. Does it make you feel like a superior parent?

I hope your child settle soon OP and you get a good night next weekend.

Also my bad sleeping 5 year old will sometimes settle with an audiobook or CBeebies radio.

Thank you.

I did not know CBeebies radio was a thing!

The supernanny technique is so good because there are no rewards or threats it's just non-engagement. You dd wants attention, good or bad. Just don't give her any at bedtime.

Ds 5 knows he grows while he is asleep!!
Loves his bed tbh.
Give your dd incentives to be 'bigger'...
More grown up party shoes /dressing up outfits /stay up and watch TV /