Hidden annoyances of being a single parent.

[OhioOhioOhio]

Taking stuff out of and putting stuff in the attic.

Intotheseayouandme Sat 30-Nov-19 20:42:25

By far my most annoying moments are running out of milk and knowing there will be no cuppa in the morning. I saw a tip recently on another thread to make milk ice cubes which I'm definitely going to do.

Not a single parent, but have been caught out by lack of milk more times than I should. I now keep a tin of powdered milk in the cupboard for such emergencies. It's not as nice as fresh milk, but you can make it up and use it like regular milk to get you through until you can get to a shop.

notjustyou I have been here long enough to know when someone is being deliberately goady, so I shouldn't rise...but I was a working lone parent for a decade and trust me I don't need a man to do anything for me. I'm a fucking hero to my dc frankly. It's just nice to have some help sometimes.
I do wonder if your bitterness is based on your husband being a lazy fucker who WON'T do anything to help you? My partner works 50+ hours a week but he's ever so good to me. Sorry if that's not the case for you.

It's pretty obvious that some of the examples on this thread are just the poster's most hated task that they could either share or offload onto another adult, rather than the fact they're women .

I'm not a single parent so my annoyances are temporary generally speaking (and I can tell it would be a lot more difficult if I were single!).

But I've had to leave suddenly poorly DS home alone whilst I nipped to pharmacy to grab some medicine vs dragging him out with me. Then grabbed something (anything) for dinner as I had planned on doing the shopping that day. Luckily, I lived in a very convenient area so could do it very very quickly.

Having to teach a rather anxious child how to call an ambulance etc as our flat was quite hard to access.

And also stuff that was easy with DP around, but would be a pain on my own like when Smyth's sent his main Christmas toy without extra packaging. DP distracted him and I hid it- so much easier.

DP squished the rubbish in the bin tonight- I can't do it, I'm too short to have the leverage.

Building DS's IKEA bed- tricky anyway as we had no room to move around, but utterly impossible if alone as you need two sets of hands no matter how good you are at DIY.

IfNot
nice try but unlike some goady posters I am not here to fight. My point, that you spectacularly missed or chose to ignore, was that by moaning about normal life, you just make it sound like things are not actually hard at all, they are just ... life and most of us don't even notice what seems to be so hard for others. Some of us don't even consider waiting for someone else to have to get on with things...

thanks for your though

Let’s get something straight about getting stuff in/out the loft. It is a two person job.

I don't think people are talking about the same kind of loft at all
I can't picture the kind that would require someone else to hold a ladder for you!

Why not just freeze a carton of milk? Why is 'cubes' so clever? It defrosts pretty quickly. Or keep long life milk in. I do both. I usually freeze half a carton actually.

Whining that you can't function without someone to hold your hand ridicules all the people with real problems.
NoJustYou

None of it a real problem, but cumulatively, when you are the one who has to get it all done or else it won't be done, then all of it becomes a relentless uphill slog.

Whether you are a DIY whiz or super-organised and disciplined, or able to multi-task like a world champ, you always have to work around the fact that there is only one of you when you are a single parent.

So there is the extra planning of operations that is required as well as the work itself, be that setting up the tree, painting the hall, clearing gutters, getting the garden in order once a week, keeping on top of bills, finding deals for utilities and insurance, trying to organise a few nice outings for you and the DCs, having DCs' friends to play/sleep over, researching and organising a holiday for everyone and taking everyone there, supervising them 24/7 (not much of a holiday for you then...) and and on top of seasonal tasks and weekly stuff there is also the ordinary daily stuff that everyone needs - cleaning, laundry, cooking, keeping track of school calendars, keeping track of the shopping list, listening to the woes of the DCs, kissing the boo boos, keeping the monsters under the bed at bay, trying to jolly them along. You do all the grunt work and carry everyone's burdens big and small, and there is nobody to share it.

Then, as happened to a friend of mine, after ten years of keeping all the balls in the air all the time (including a full time job) you go to a job interview and get told you don't have enough management experience [hollow laughter].

Oh gawwwwddd...I can imagine that OP just wanted to have other people share their own experiences of what they have to do now on their own compared to what they used to have to do on their own when they had a partner or what they have always done that they would like to be delegated to someone else but can’t be...I.e. ‘can’t be bothered to get the tree down from the attic, can you do it?’

I can't picture the kind that would require someone else to hold a ladder for you!

Visualisation shouldn't be that hard.

And even if you don't need someone to hold a ladder, you might find it nice to have someone to corral the toddler in your life and keep him or her from climbing up to join you.

mathanxiety

even if you have a loft that requires ladder access, there are not many that don't have that kind of system... so yes actually

of course it's "nice", but most people would be pretty puzzled if their partner were waiting for them to be home to do simple daily tasks

who does that in real life?

Bit of humility wouldn't go amiss on this thread.

Fuck me there's some joyless pillocks

It's tough, op, it's certainly tough

Some of the replies are infuriating. I do EVERYTHING for my four children alone. I was married to someone who worked away a lot and it was always hard but not like this, not so isolating, not having someone to call when you have the flu and the children still need looking after but you can barely stand, not having anyone to share the burden when theyre all throwing up or when they all have emotional issues you have to deal with patiently after a long day at work, cooking dinner and cleaning and shopping day in day out, with no break or time to recuperate.
Having parents evenings or staff meetings straight after work with four kids in tow and then having to go home and still do all of the house chores whilst cooking tea and getting them all to bed in time to start again tomorrow with no help ever.
When the goings good it's ok, it's manageable but when you add in poorly, or exhausted and there's no backup.
Ok your husbands might not help much but it's different to there never being an option of help.
When your ex husband is out there somewhere with no responsibility and he's going on 5-6 holidays a year and all you can afford is 2 nights in a grotty caravan with kids in tow, and hes dating freely without worrying about childcare, working without the stress of school runs inbetween, yeah it can get a bit shit. A bit monotonous.
I sometimes get a bit poor me, or a big bit lonely. I always pick myself up and start again.
Don't tell us we don't have the right to feel however we feel. Start your own thread about how hard it is being a parent with a husband who doesn't help.
I've enjoyed reading all the posts you guys have written and felt comforted that there are so many who understand how I've been feeling this wk.

Why are people so very argumentative? If you shit on everyone else’s parade I can’t imagine you can hold one for yourself?

What a crappy frame of mind some hold.

When my ExH left 4 years ago I was close to being a single parent as he rarely saw the DC in the first year, covering their summer leave was tough as I work and he could only "manage" 4 short days over 6 weeks.

I recall a friend with a DH in the forces saying we were in the same position, she had to wait for him for months and the grass didn't get cut and she didn't get things fixed in the house. She forgot the messages of love, extra income and fact he came back to a long list of jobs and spent months at home catching up.

I think people don't really see what being a single parent is. I couldn't get out in the evening to shop, let alone see friends or date and move on. I really felt imprisoned in the evenings because it was every evening stuck in.

My ex has DC more now and I have had a partner for a year and I hope we live together soon. I have my DC 5 days a week, but it is so different to 7 days and no support. I have full respect for single parents holding everything together all the time and yes to it being a pain to needing another adult to help with a loft ladder!

My ds got upset at Xmas because Father Xmas has brought more presents for him than for me. He tried to give me some of his.
Which is lovely & kind, and I wouldn’t change it for the world but now means I have to buy little things for myself & wrap them and stick them under the tree.

Which can also be nice except when I’m tired and skint, the last thing I want to do is wrap a new mascara or a £3 pair of running gloves, run out of wrapping paper, and then crawl off to bed knowing that in 8 hours time I’ll be tearing them open.

And yes, I can hear my own bah-humbug before anyone tells me ! . I just get what you mean Op. Have a lovely Xmas x

I'm in the christmas tree camp. It defo is a 2 person job getting it down from the loft (mine is just the hole in the ceiling type, no fancy attached ladder!). My kids are desperate to put it up but I have to wait until someone comes round.

Other annoyances for me are having to take the kids to the supermarket, never ever getting out to the gym or for a run, and when people assume I am lonely and invite me and the kids to stuff out of kindness, when actually I'm quite happy just me and them.

Single mum having a well earned little break gets onto Mumsnet. Oh look a light hearted thread for single parents, great! I feel like forgetting the really hard stuff for a minute, relax, have a laugh.
Wait, what's this? The thread has been hijacked! There are posters dictating that single parents aren't allowed to post trivial annoyances. No, single parents are only allowed to post the harsh reality of being a single parent as long as it fits the narrative that single parenting is hard.
And then suddenly kickass single mums fly in and with their superpower of wit and wisdom and put those Terribly Repetitive Obtuse Ludicrous Little Space-invaders back in their place.
Ah, maybe not the lighthearted thread I was hoping for but at least I got to smile, chuckle a little and whoop out loud: YEAH! Right on, we'll said!
Now, after rtft single mum has taken a little bit too long a break and must now get up and tell dd 5 to turn the stereo blasting So Fresh the hits of spring 2019 down. And check that dd has picked up at least some of the toys off the floor like I asked her to approximately an ago, so I can vacuum. (Yeah I know, naughty mummy. I should have hovered over her making her do it instead of hanging out on mumsnet ). Oh yeah, I get it partnered parents have to get their kids to pick up their toys too. That's ok, don't worry that's not my trivial annoyance.
Here it is. Not having another adult to be my lookout while I sneak eat chocolate from the pantry.

The end.

To pacify @spacepyramid, having one income sucks ass.

But so does having no-one to get drunk with and watch crappy horror films with. Although, tbf, I had to do that alone when I wasn't a single parent because he just didn't appreciate the beauty of drinking cheap, fizzy wine while yelling, "don't go upstairs, you foo-el, the front door is right there!! Oh, well. She's dead."

And fwi I hate going into the loft because I am literally allergic to it. It makes me feel like shit. I want to tear my own face off even after two piriton and a long, hot shower. If I was a single adult with no children I would not bother, but I'm not, so I do and that sucks ass too.

Why not just freeze a carton of milk? Why is 'cubes' so clever? It defrosts pretty quickly. Or keep long life milk in. I do both. I usually freeze half a carton actually.

I thought it was a good idea when I heard it. A tray of 12 milk ice cubes rescues 12 occasions when I need a cuppa. A frozen cartoon of milk/long life milk just the one occasion when opened. But I didn't claim it was genius or anything! And yes milk powder/long life would be handy too, I might stock up. I forgot milk powder even existed.

Putting together flat pack furniture (though made easier in theory when your dd is 20, alas she is autistic and not always cooperative). Dd2 is home which is lovely, she put up the Christmas decorations bar the really high ones (she's fully grown but short!) if only dd1 would engage with something other than a pc...

Today it's leaf clearing, another icky job

@Mercedes519 is the filing cabinet empty ? If so put a duvet cover over it. Then lay it down. You can then slide it down the stairs sitting down holding in onto the duvet cover. Have got more than one thing down the stairs on my own like that 🙂

not sure why this is difficult for you to understand, but adults, who are married, or in a ltr,alsobuy food for their dc (and sometimes and elderly relative or neighbour too). You don't have to be a single parents to buy shopping for your family, on your own.

@BackforGood you are missing the point
If you are married or in a ltr theres someone to share the job.
If you are ill, someone else can go di the shopping. Or come with you, or stay at home and watch the kids.

It's also the fact that you know, this is down to you alone week in week out.

It's a minor annoyance if mine that all the food shopping, week in, week out came down to me.

And yes it might be the same for a single person with no kids who shops for someone they care for.but they still dint have to take the kids supermarket shopping.

I have had my own house as a single person, no kids. And been a single parent.

I, personally, find shopping as a single parent a minor annoyance.

All an annoyance, is people who like to tell you, your feelings are wrong.

Bins bins bins. Putting the bloody bins out. And deicing the car.