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Original poster

Hidden annoyances of being a single parent.

294 replies

OhioOhioOhio · 30/11/2019 18:00

Taking stuff out of and putting stuff in the attic.

OP posts:
Moominmammaatsea · 30/11/2019 20:44

That should say empathy not empathises..,

Chancey1982 · 30/11/2019 20:51

@Intotheseayouandme yes that's prob the biggest one. When they're all in bed on Xmas eve and I'm doing the fc stuff, crying quietly into my glass of wine. Ten yrs on and it still gets me. I delete all social media at this time of yr because it makes me feel lonely.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 30/11/2019 20:57

@Mercedes519 just slide it down the stairs then get a wheeled dolly thing to the car? Also empty the filing cabinet first.
Best wishes to OP and all other single parents.

weirdchocolates · 30/11/2019 21:01

For me its anything to do with travelling. I need to travel for work events occasionally which means I need to take my 2 year old DS on the train to the other end of the country first so my parents can keep him overnight before going to said event. Sometimes they can't so I need to take him - he's attended a few conferences.

Also I have no friends or family in this region. So I also have to take him with me to see friends in my home city.

I like someone who lives pretty far away and don't know logistically how we can meet up Blush

I'd love to have an ex involved!! Although I guess that brings its own nightmares.

Re Christmas trees, we got a very tiny real one today - planning on planting it in garden after Christmas.

HoneyandSpice · 30/11/2019 21:05

Crikey. There have been some funny replies from people on here. I'm a single parent. Have been for 6 yrs. You simply can't comment or compare unless you've been there. Some awful prejudices, however. Which totally doesn't help.
Don't vote Conservative by the way.
Sure that will get me flamed but then again I'll refer to my 'unless you've been there, don't judge' comment.
And yes, I work. I work my bloody arse off.

Doryhunky · 30/11/2019 21:06

Having to take the kids everywhere, even mundane errands which is boring for them and irritating for you and slows you down.

Hosting dinner parties alone.

Having clashes between siblings’ activities or nativity plays.

shitwithsugaron · 30/11/2019 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weirdchocolates · 30/11/2019 21:09

Oh yes and I don't drive which makes the travelling thing harder. Also buying bulky things and getting them home with the buggy. I remember getting a big rug once and attaching it to the back of the buggy somehow. Got a few weird looks.

mathanxiety · 30/11/2019 21:12

Speaking personally - having lived through an abusive relationship, I find it quite freeing to be able to do all that needs to be done without the constant carping and criticism or exH, or the feeling I had to manage and massage his feelings to prevent an explosion of rage, the walking on eggshells.

I never had someone I could sit down with to talk about the children, or to plan Christmas presents with, or someone who would make me a cup of tea occasionally. I had a heckler who wouldn't shut up and who loved to blame me for everything that went wrong. I felt incredibly lonely while I was married.

I can completely sympathise with those who feel the burden though - I feel it too. You are the one who has to plan and then execute Every.Single.Thing. that gets done in your life and your childrens' or it just won't happen. Christmas is especially tiring, and you feel the lack of a partner when the entire holiday is up to you to carry off, with financial constraints for many to work around too.

OneMoreWish · 30/11/2019 21:14

Shopping - it's so hard with two and even online when it's brought in some disaster starts so I end up with bags of shopping just sitting in my kitchen when it should be easy to unpack

Bedtime - doing the bedtime routine every night, being the one getting up through the night every time and then being the one who gets up every morning.

Cup of tea - would love this now and then

Xmas tree - sigh it would be so much easier with a partner to help with this and kids

Being ill - not fun at all and increase pity me moments when feeling ill

Me time - comes last. Lucky if I get to shower and brush teeth and even that's not every day. Forget make up , blow drying hair and thinking about stylish outfit rather than throwing on anything that's clean and then looks odd . Even when I went hairdresser ( which I consider a treat and went after six months) I had to take baby and repeatedly walk up and down with her and breastfeed her

Phone calls - my children always demand my attention as soon as i make a phone call

Bath - would love to have time to get a bath
Yes there are big problems too but I knew about them and deal with it as best i can it's these little things sigh

Blakes77 · 30/11/2019 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blakes77 · 30/11/2019 21:15

Oops wrong thread! Grin

JoGoes · 30/11/2019 21:21

I’m a single mum of four and I’m literally never done. By the time I’ve got the kids to bed I have a crap load of washing up and ironing to do, and then a shower myself and then my 8 month old ends up waking up.

mathanxiety · 30/11/2019 21:21

Right most of these are about just being single. Fuck all to do with being single and a parent

If I were single and not a parent I wouldn't be spending my Christmases in the Frozen North. I would be in Honolulu.

Intotheseayouandme · 30/11/2019 21:29

I would be in Honolulu. I love my DC dearly but that sounds nice!!

Nojustyou · 30/11/2019 21:29

Taking stuff out of and putting stuff in the attic. Confused

still haven't got the faintest idea what that has to do with being single. Or even a parent.
Genuinely.

There seem to be a weird concept for some MN posters, that being happily married means women never lift a finger, never go in their attic, never unload the shopping from the car, and must be either doing laundry or their nails all day.

So the single income
being alone to chose presents
being alone to deal with boring stuff AND all the Christmas season, we get it.

but the tree? kids bedtime? Gardening? Do we really need to portray married women as exceptionally useless who must rely on their DH to unload a dishwasher or change a lightbulb. FFS it's ridiculous.

Yes, it would be lovely to have help to carry, unload and set a 6ft xmas tree, but some husbands actually work and are not around all the time.

Nojustyou · 30/11/2019 21:31

If I were single and not a parent I wouldn't be spending my Christmases in the Frozen North. I would be in Honolulu.

I would do that even if I wasn't single, it's the kids that are holding us back Grin

Shesalittlemadam · 30/11/2019 21:32

When there's jobs that need doing or in-changeable appointments are during school run and there's nobody else to do it for you!

JacquesHammer · 30/11/2019 21:35

Yes, it would be lovely to have help to carry, unload and set a 6ft xmas tree, but some husbands actually work and are not around all the time

Fair play to these husbands working such long hours they cannot spend 5 minutes to lend a hand at home with a job that would be quicker and easier with two pairs of hands.

Nojustyou · 30/11/2019 21:48

JacquesHammer
you might live near nurseries selling trees 24 hours a day, some of us don't....

see, that's the point, it seems impossible for some posters that some couples actually both work full time, have things planned around and for the kids at weekends and that the small window to buy the Christmas tree doesn't have 2 adults around.

Funny enough, if the DH was alone to do that, posters would find it absolutely normal, "man's job" and all that. But the woman must obviously be married to a lazy git - instead of admitting that a woman is just as able to buy a flipping tree than her DH..

I hate being portrayed as a useless individual because I am a woman.

Cecilandsnail · 30/11/2019 21:48

Year before last I got a metal bedframe wedged halfway down the stairs, after I failed to dismantle it because the screw heads were burred and rusted, so decided to move it whole. It got so fucking stuck! The DC were trapped downstairs and I was trapped upstairs and I had to shout at the 7 year old to keep the 3 year old clear of the stairs and I sat on the top step and cried. I then managed to direct my eldest to getting the massive axe from the garden, the three DC managed to drag it inside and lay it against the wall and I could just about reach it if I did some weird body contortion and reach down against the banister. I shouted them into the kitchen, got them to close the door and smashed the fucking thing to smithereens as my crying turned to manic laughter. I then calmly went to give them all hugs and high fives, loaded aaaaallll the pieces and aaaallll the kids into the car and dropped that shit off at the tip. I owned single parenting that day!

Nojustyou · 30/11/2019 21:50

never getting a birthday or Christmas present that's been chosen by my child. Always had a relative who'll buy something and give it to my dd so she has something to give me, but none of them are ever willing to take her out shopping so she can choose something herself.

THAT is perfectly valid and genuine annoyance of being single.

IHateWashingUp2 · 30/11/2019 21:56

cecilandsnail can I high five you too?!✋
Epic Single Parenting!!!!!

bakabakabeyond · 30/11/2019 21:57

The stigma. Lack of sleep. Worrying about my son growing up with an abusive dad that I have no control over. No money. Judgement. Lack of sleep again. Going insane due to lack of any adult communication once you get home. Nobody to help settle baby to sleep. The list goes on. Not very hidden I guess. It's hard work.

BarbaraStrozzi · 30/11/2019 21:59

What is with all these posters popping up to tell us what we are and are not allowed to whinge about as single parents? Do they get some sort of weird frisson out of kicking the shit out of people?

For fucks sake people, get a hobby.