Hidden annoyances of being a single parent.

[OhioOhioOhio]

Taking stuff out of and putting stuff in the attic.

Having to do everything and that includes getting the tree out (as we seem to be fixated on tress and single parenting), putting the tree up, decorating the tree, putting the lights on, fixing the decoration the kids put on lol, vacuuming around when you've finished AS WELL AS making sure everyone is clean, clothed and fed that day. Having someone else around to do even one of the most mundane of those tasks would be pretty awesome X

I definitely get the loft thing.

Not someone to hold the ladder but someone to pass the stuff while you’re actually on the ladder and climbing up. It’s hard if something is heavy to pick up the thing, hold it with one hand and climb up holding on to the ladder with the other hand. I now put the heavy thing on a chair so I only have to climb up and down halfway.

It is annoying for me that the only person who really understands just how amazing ds is is his dad ( my ex). It annoys me that I message him to share my pride in our son. I hate that we share a bond it's like the one person I love most in the world I have to share with the one person I really don't love or like haha
I know ds is lucky his dad is finally being the best dad he can

Hope that makes sense !

I never really felt the need to message my ex about how amazing our child was. And i didnt dislike my ex, its just i can keep those thoughts to myself

This thread is so sad. It started out as ‘ those small things that annoy you when you have no other adult to share the load’. Others have jumped on to it hectoring posters about how they shouldn’t be moaning about these things. Surely we all get that sometimes it’s the little things that break the camel’s back and we jump to this community to have a grumble before we ‘keep on keeping on’. Let’s support each other rather than judge, kindness costs nothing.

So all of these things I have to do because DH is disabled. So I have NO idea how to get the old filing cabinet down the stairs to get it out the front door. Any ideas anyone?

In similar situations the heavy things stay in the least annoying place I can get them until I have a visitor I can ask to help shift them.

@Nojustyou I live in an old Victorian house with high ceilings. Our loft is a hatch in the ceiling in a very tight corner of the upstairs hall. To access it, you need to get a massive, heavy, metal folded ladder out the cupboard. Negotiate opening the ladder around tight corners and be careful not to knock chunks out of the walls. You then need to climb the ladder, balance precariously on the very top rung and then prop your elbows on the edges of the hole in the ceiling, avoiding the spiders and splinters and hoist yourself using your arms into the gap. There is no flooring in the attic. Getting out requires you to lower yourself back through the hole, legs dangling to try and find the top rung of the ladder.

I’ve been in there once. DH loves it up there, he’s always faffing about up there. Goodness knows what is going on up there, I certainly have no desire to go and find out.

I am very capable and can do pretty much anything alone, but if I end up in this house by myself, I’m convinced that whatever is currently in the attic will just have to stay up there....

It is sad @triptrapdollydumpling. An excellent demonstration in the pleasure some women take in tearing one a other down. I wish I hadn't contributed

I have not judged anybody, just what constitutes difficult about being a single parent and it's not xmas trees which really don't matter (SPACE)

when I was a newly single mum, I didn't do any devs or tree. I was too tired, to overwhelmed, too depressed. Then I felt guilty for not doing it, as I was disappointing my child, not being the parent she deserved etc. The question of a tree and all it symbolises caused me utter misery.

Wind on a few years, I am mentally more stable and realise kids need safety and security and love, not Christmas trees to be ok.

However, for me a tree is important for my kid. We have a very small plastic one, job done. Yes I would prefer a real, bigger one, but like others, I would struggle.

So space, maybe trees don't matter so much to you, but for many it symbolises everything that is bad about single parenthood: the painful split up, the loneliness, the exhaustion, the guilt that you are not the parent your kid deserves, the deep seated desire to make Xmas a wonderful time just like it used to be.

Oh, and my hidden annoyance is that I have to go to my DD's ballet show/nativity play/sports day etc on my own, and nobody shares my pride and happiness.

That's such a sad one, isn't it, Glove?

You see them up there, and they're trying so hard and doing so well, and you just burst with pride, and you feel you should be able to share this.

I dont know why people who aren't single parents have come to a thread to tell us what we can and can't feel annoyed about. I don't know how people can comment on something they haven't experienced.

I spent several years as a single, childfree person living alone, lived with an abusive man and small DC, was single with small DC who didn't see their father for more than a few hours a month for several years and now I am single but my ex has overnights so DC not around all the time. Each stage has had its own unique challenges but life was far simpler when I was single and not a parent. I wouldn't change it for the world though.

Feel compelled to post firstly because the duvet cover idea for the filing cabinet is GENIUS thank you. I have moved a king size bed and divan base down the stairs on my own by basically sliding each bit to the top and pushing (hindsight: should have done the mattress first so the bases didn't bash the wall at the bottom...) but the mattress nearly took me down with it, it was SO heavy. Anyway, no lives were lost and the smug feeling afterwards was good.

Minor annoyances: definitely the one about realising I'm out of milk after DC are in bed. If it was something urgent like medicine, I have people who would drag themselves out and help, but I don't like to wear out their goodwill for the sake of a cuppa Also, parents at work who complain about how hard it is to cover school holidays between the two of them (yes, I KNOW it isn't easy for any parent, but maybe whinge to someone else other than me, doing it on half the available days?) Oh and not being able to just go for a run (yes, I know I could exercise indoors and I do, but it's not the same feeling of freedom as a run).

(All the single parents on this thread already get the major issues that are way beyond "annoying" - solo decision making for the major stuff, not having someone to hash things through with who is as invested as I am in health or school options, not being able to go for a wee when DC are sick in hospital and need a parent beside them, etc etc. Kudos to all of you for getting on with it anyway, and for somehow not combusting at the weird judges on this thread.)

Apologies to my fellow single parents for allowing myself to rise to the bait last night - as I said, still feeling tetchy due to pain. In retrospect should have just taken the piss out of their stupidity.

But yeah, the big stuff you knuckle down with and deal with because you have to. Most of the small stuff too, but every so often something minor (and it's utterly unpredictable as to what) will just prove too much for a moment or two.

In a very unmumsnet way, I feel like giving lots of you a hug and a cake.

I’m ok with buying and putting up the tree alone. Untangling the bloody lights. Decorating it with the children. All that jazz. (I can recommend our very easy free stand!).

My exh didn’t help with that stuff so it’s no big deal practically to do this stuff. Although I understand it’s hard practically for others sometimes.

But emotionally it’s so hard sometimes. I long for another adult to do these things with. To not be in charge ALL THE TIME. To share the fun of all this stuff along with the stress.

I don’t miss my exh one tiny bit. I do miss being married, having a partner, a co-parent in the day to day sense. I long for it actually.

It’s hard not having a sounding board for all things Christmas. It’s hard not to have any presents at all under the tree unless I’ve “helped” dc buy one. (I do have presents from friends so I’m not being completely fair. But there is no DH to choose something lovely for me). I know people can be married and not have presents too. But most of my married friends have really lovely kind husbands. I really want one too.

To pacify @spacepyramid, having one income sucks ass.

Try having no income.

I'm not a single parent, but I was raised in a single parent household. It's only now as an adult with two feral kids and a messy husband that I appreciate how hard her life was, for the little things, the 'hidden annoyances' as you put it. So from me, to you all, your kids think you are all wonderful even if they can't /don't show it. My mum once said she's one person doing the job of two, but the love in her heart is enough for 1000 of me even when I was horrid. Ignore the ones who think there is a magical annoyance list that you must conform too. I distinctly remember my grandad coming and my mum bellowing- 'don't sit down! Help me with this bloody tree from the loft! . Then when it came down declaring it would be up until Easter before my grandad could help put it back up again.

Dont worry about it Barbara I thought it was funny. Some people really do need to find a hobby if nitpicking on a thread that isn't even for them is their idea of fun!

God yes whoever mentioned the gym/going for a run. I always wanted to take a ballroom dance class (Strictly fan) but it would have meant asking my mum for babysitting once a week and it just felt like too much of an imposition. I was lucky to have relatives around for the odd free babysit, but in reality it never really was free .
I would get home from a rare night out to find mum had re arranged my kitchen cupboards . My aunt would sometimes babysit but then stay for 87 cups of tea when I wanted to tumble pissed into bed!

I shouldn't moan but I used to fantasise about saying to a partner " I'm off out tomorrow night" with no guilt/obligation/annoyance or having to tidy up (and find somewhere to hide the Rabbit from snooping relatives. .)

When you're sick there is no one to help..... but then even when I was with my ex he still buggered off to the pub whilst I was puking and trying to settle our baby into bed. Hence why hes an ex.

Being sick with young DC to care for is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with as a lone parent. One Christmas I remember crawling on my hands and knees attempting to put the presents under the tree with flu and pneumonia (ended up in hospital on Christmas morning so that was fun!). Don't really get the bin issue at all though, it's surely the easiest household task of them all, go outside get bin walk it to the kerb. Unless you're in a flat maybe with a baby or toddler I just don't get it .

@BarbaraStrozzi

Same, raised by a single amazing mam- made everything great and looked so easy I never gave it a thought.. till kids of my own

Single parents 😇😇

Be annoyed with what you want, don’t justify yourselves- good humour can solve a lot, venting about this stuff stops you sometimes from sweating it. I’d be happy if my kids have the respect and admiration I have for mam (in hindsight - I didn’t always feel this at the time)

Having said I'm flouncing (!), there are so many things along the lines of 'I'd really like to join that volunteer effort/join a choir/nip out of a pint of milk/go for a run/be a member of that book group/go for a drink after work' which are pretty much impossible as a single parent.

I can - and do - get a babysitter for nights out. But realistically, spending £30 to help litter pick seems a bit bonkers.

And it is sad that there's no one to share the joys and proud moments with.

I had forgotten about volunteering. That's something I would do more of. Going to the gym or fitness classes I had also forgotten. You're pretty much tied to the house so much of the time.

I really miss just having another adult to just lend me a listening ear or give me a cuddle when I've had a shitty day. I don't like showing the kids when I'm feeling weak as I like to be their strong one, would just be nice occasionally to have a bolster of my own