Hidden annoyances of being a single parent.

[OhioOhioOhio]

Taking stuff out of and putting stuff in the attic.

Going to the gym or fitness classes I had also forgotten.

Out of sight is out of mind

I miss being able to go for a walk or bike ride by myself to unwind. Also, can't go to yoga or aqua aerobics on a regular basis anymore either. But, to repeat what some have pp, I wouldn't trade being a single parent for a crappy relationship. In many ways life is much easier now, otherwise I wouldn't have left in the first place. The other not so small annoyance is being confronted by prejudice and stigma some people hold against single mums. It's bizarre that some people openly hold views that the parent who steps up and takes responsibility for the care of their children are somehow irresponsible or a bad parent.

It's bizarre that some people openly hold views that the parent who steps up and takes responsibility for the care of their children are somehow irresponsible or a bad parent.

I find it fascinating really... a single/divorced/widow mum keeps a full time job, 3 kids in school, does everything herself many times with no help or maintenance posts that she feels alone and it takes just a few post for people starting piling on her saying that she should have chosen a better man, keep her legs closed, concentrate in her kids rather than being focusing on her sexual needs and bringing cocklodgers into her home.

A man has his kids two hours a fortnight and posts saying he is overwhelmed with them and people pile on to offer help, support and kind advice while repeating ad nauseum he is a fantastic dad.

Honestly...

IdiotInDisguise so true.

Well the GFs can just fuck off quite frankly. It's my singledom and I'll whinge about whatever I bloody want to.

One of my very minor irks is the crust ends of bread loads. ExDH used to always eat them, now they sit in the packet until they go mouldy and I throw them away as neither the DC nor I like them. It feels wasteful!

My DC are also getting older, and I'm fortunate that I didn't have to struggle through toddlerhood as a single parent, but they're at that cusp age where getting a babysitter seems a bit ridiculous, but leaving them in their own for too long is not great. So I'm feeling a little more pinned down than I did a few years ago when I wouldn't have hesitated to get a babysitter.

Been asked out for a drink by someone I fancy, and I can't work out whether I can/should go out for a few hours without a babysitter....

I dont know why people who aren't single parents have come to a thread to tell us what we can and can't feel annoyed about.

you are completely missing the point

Most of the "annoyances" described have absolutely nothing to do with being single. Most normal people, even in a couple, don't wait for the other one to be around to do anything. People just get on with it, it sounds utterly exhausting to think that you cannot deal with shopping/ cooking/ trees/ bins/attic/ packing/ diy/chores/ admin/ walking the dog unless your DH or DW is physically with you.

Not sure why some posters are trying to pretend all married couples don't do anything at all unless they are doing it together. It's just weird.

So if the only things you find annoying are things that are routinely achieved by a person on their ow, because why on earth wouldn't they!, then being single is clearly not that bad at all. That was the point.

they're at that cusp age where getting a babysitter seems a bit ridiculous, but leaving them in their own for too long is not great. So I'm feeling a little more pinned down than I did a few years ago when I wouldn't have hesitated to get a babysitter.

Yes - I know what you mean. My DC would hate having a babysitter and my teen stays up quite late, so it would be a bit odd. But they're not old enough to leave alone all evening.

It would be fine if we had a granny or other family member handy, but we don't. I basically don't go out, unless it's their night with ex.

This must also apply to couples of course, but at least one of you can go out.

Some really great posts on this thread except the posts that seam to be only about baiting people. There has been some very reasonable responses to these posts that I think adequately counteract the negative and completely unwarranted inferences. I'm choosing to completely bypass them and not even read what they have to say.
🏊🎣

@HypatiaCade

This time of year... scatter them outside for the birds!

The longer I live the more I realise that there are many many people who struggle with nuance ;things not nessecarily being either/or.
So, if you say " I do every job in the house and I can manage, but sometimes a hand would be nice" they hear:
"I am not able to do things by myself and think all couples only do household tasks together."
It must be "exhausting" to live in a world where you literally cannot comprehend that people are not making massive blanket statements that include you and your husband in everything they say.
Perhaps, when people like this come to realise that not everything is about them they will be able to relax and enjoy their lives. Let's hope so.

@Nojustyou

You still don't get it. It's not about needing someone else to help you do those things. It's about not leaving the kids alone. Yes as a couple you may chose to take the kids shopping/ the loft/cooking /trees/bins etc everthing on the list with you like any single parent. But you have the choice to divide the responsibilities so that one of you can go without the kids and one of you is with them. Access to that choice, even if you don't use it is what is missing.

I could not vacuum for almost 3 years, dd was deathly afraid of the noise and it meant a screaming child while i did it. As a mother i couldn't comfort her while doing it and i couldn't stand to see her scream for that long it made ne too anxious and stressed - about 2 minutes was all i could do. The solution ended up being having my brother round to eat a couple of times a week so he would hold dd or take her away for an hour so i could do the whole house. I often wished for my ex to be a responsible person i could trust her with just so i could do housework without being all stressed out that dd needed me and was crying because i had to mop the floor.

As a couple you can say it's too hard to do this chore and look after this child at the same time and wait for the other half to come take one or the other off your hands if your other half wouldn't do that for you then there is no point being in that relationship as i decided when ex wouldn't help.

Its a list of options

1 do chore yourself with kids
2 other half do chore or take kids
3 extended family do chore or take kids
4 pay for help with chore or kids

As a single person or couple with no kids you don't need to consider kids in everything you do.

As a couple with kids option 2 is available. As a single parent it is not.

Maybe my issue is different because I'm a lone parent and have two kids with additional needs who are 3 and 5 but it absolutely isn't the same when you have the option to share a job with a partner. This week I have had to last minute cancel two gp appointments for the 3 year old because my 5 year old has been having violent meltdowns. My 5 year old can't cope with supermarkets so if I need something on a weekend I will have to dive into a supermarket with a violently melting down 5 yesr old, try and keep my 3 year old our3 of harms way and actually survive getting what I need.

I don't have anyone to share the mental exhaustion with. I don't have anyone to rely on or to vent to.

It absolutely is not the same.

@JacquesHammer

Hidden annoyances of single parenting?

Other people telling you your annoyances are wrong....

Agreed.
Also...

@kitk

"I totally understand how hard it is for you. My DP dsnt help/ works away in the week etc"

One of the most irritating things to say to a single parent and shows that they know nothing about what it's like to be a single parent.

I also get so pissed off when someone attempts to solve all your problems in one sentence, as if it is a situation that could be easily sorted if you just did this one thing. For example,

"Just do your cleaning after they are in bed"
"Get a childminder"
"You just need to be more organised"

And the worst one for me...

"I wish I was a single parent, my OH is so annoying/snores so loudly/doesn't wash the dishes straight after dinner"

Inspired by another thread...

I have to grate the cheese and mash the potatoes

Disclaimer for those who seem to think we aren't allowed these minor annoyances... No I don't need a man to do these 2 things. I am perfectly capable. But I bloody hate doing them!

Is there a word for women who are raising children in two parent families telling women who are single parents that it's just the same for them really, despite being told over and over again that it's not? Smugsplaining?

@Clymene either that or Twatsplaining

That works too!

Way too much criticism on this thread!

And to the critics; the way I read it, this thread wasn't even about 'things you can't do without needing a partner to hold your hand', it was about annoyances. ie things that whilst you may be fully competant at doing them, annoy you because its harder/more boring/[insert any other reason] to do then when you're a single parent rather than half of a team.
I'm sure everyone who posted here about christmas trees is fully capable of getting the thing out of the loft and putting it up. Sometimes its bloody annoying to have to do something on your own when you know it would be easier with help. ISometimes you don't even want any bloody help, you just want to have a bit of a rant that if you did want help it wouldn't be there!

I think my biggest single parent life annoyances are basically down to monotony. Should qualify this first to say that my dd is 21yo but is special needs so in most/many way she is still like a youngish child (can't be left on her own, needs help washing/dressing/etc, is read to at bedtime/tucked up in bed/etc).
That said, the biggest annoyance is making up my dd's meds at night. This involves measuring out 3 different meds into 4 bottles - 4 doses for the next day. It's a simple task, takes 10 minutes and I'm fully capable of doing it without any difficulty.
But. It. Is. Fucking. Annoying.
Its the sheer monotony of it. I've done it every single night for 20 years. If I wasn't single then I'd expect my partner would be occasionally doing it, which wouldn't be needed but would be nice.

You probably also have to take into account that a lot of people didn't actually choose to be single parents. If I, as someone who chose to be a single parent and under no circumstances wants a partner, find putting the stupid bins out every week annoying (I do) then it's probably a lot more annoying for someone who spent 5 years putting the kids to bed while DH took care of the bins but now has to do both since DH fucked off to Guildford with his secretary without so much as a by your leave. Doesn't mean she can't put bins out. It is OK to find shit annoying y'know.

Ohio, I hope you’re getting more laughs and support than annoyance from this thread. Cecilandsnail gets a special award for creative furniture-disposal!
Don’t be hurt by people who can’t feel any empathy. To them I’d add that I’m not a single mum — I’m also not a political prisoner or a night-shift worker or a rich person with a disability. It is possible to imagine other people’s lives, especially if you listen to what they’re saying.