Help- found ecstasy in dd’s room

[Potatopots]

At a loss on what to do. Dd went out last night and took my house key with her (she lost hers)- I’m heading out now and couldn’t find my key on the hook so checked her jacket pocket and found my key as well as a baggie containing 2 ecstasy pills. She’s still asleep but what do I do? Wake her up and confront her? Wait until she’s woken up and ask her about them? Leave them on her bedside table for her to see when she wakes up and see what she does before I ask her?

What age is she

I would take and bin the pills, l would wake her up, tell her you have a very important place to take her, and take her to have a chat with the locals who are homeless..If in London, Victoria station area is a good one to start.
Let her see the ugly side of drugs, let her talk to those whose lives have been destroyed by drugs...shock the hell out of her.

One of my best friends ( we were inseperable from 17 till 24) married someone who introduced her to recreational drugs for' fun Saturday nights out')....she was hooked almost immediately and soon addicted to heroin..

I don't want to upset you, but please force your DD to see where this can lead first hand.

I wish you and your DD good luck to get through this..

Don’t wake her up and start confronting her. You need to stay calm. A conversation with a 14 yr old is very different to a DC who is 18 or over. You need to wait until she wakes up and then ask her about the pills.

She’s 17

This isn’t shocking at 17. Wait till a good moment over the weekend and have a chat about drug check kits.

I’m so sorry OP. I hope that your daughter sees sense. Many young people are doing this, and it isn’t like it once was. The stuff they ‘bash’ it with us very bloody dangerous. Nothing really to advise, but here’s a hand hold and hope for realisation 💐

@Dragongirl10

Homeless people aren’t some kind of Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come interactive display, you know, just sitting there waiting to share their mistakes so others can learn. How fucking patronising.

How do you know they are Ecstasy pills?

Dragongirl10 whilst I appreciate that is awful what happened to your friend that is not the normal route for someone dabbling in drugs. Having known many people in the 90s and 00s who did they haven’t become drug addicted and went on to have professional careers and are well round individuals. Sadly the culture for our youngsters is that drugs are not unusual, you hear about people hanging round schools to sell drugs, so the best way to deal with them is to ensure you have open conversations about drugs. I have done with my DC since they went to secondary. I work in mental health and have discussed the risk involved in taking drugs when your brain is still developing and the risks of mental health issues, risks of brain swelling with spice etc. I talk to them about safety as drugs are laced with all sorts and risks are high if they do decide to dabble as young adults at uni.

OP, if you’ve found a baggie containing what you know for sure is ecstasy, have you taken it before?

take her to have a chat with the locals who are homeless

Please don't do this! Those poor people, made into an example so a teenage girl can be "warned off" back onto the straight and narrow.

@Dragongirl10; your scenario is far fetched and patronising. Also ignorant; do you actually think said 17 year old is going to get out of bed and say ok mum lets go and visit some homeless people and I’ll see what I can learn

Dragongirl10.

Only about 3% of folk who use recreational drugs become addicted to drugs.

Most of those people also have mental health issues or are emotionally damaged in some way.

She's 17 and taking pills, this doesn't mean she is going to be a drug addict or be homeless. Lots of people go through a recreational drug phase.

I would be glad she's doing pills and not ketamine. Pills are a happy drug that makes music feel better. I'd talk harm reduction and safety - ie poor leah Betts who died because she drank too much water. She will not be able to continue taking pills the older she gets, she will realise that the come downs and feeling shit for a week isn't worth it.

I honestly wouldn't be worried if my dd was taking pills. They are not addictive, they are fun and sociable.

@Dragongirl10 the homeless aren't some kind of interactive lesson that you take your children to

I would take the drugs and dispose of it.

Then I’d think really carefully about my next move. I suspect what did would depend on whether or not I thought this was out of character/new behaviour.

At 17 I certainly wouldn't make a huge drama out of it

Unfortunately it's borderline impossible to keep teenagers away from that kind of stuff, it's everywhere, especially if their friends are in to it. Yelling at her is unlikely to make her stop as she probably already knows what she is doing is wrong but is doing it anyway.

Do lots of research and tell her you need a (nice, calm) chat. Tell her the dangers and side effects. Remind her what would happen if she got caught by the police in possession of them and how that might impact you as a family, just to give her something to think about. Then, with the understanding that she may still do it again with her friends and you can't lock her inside, tell her how to be safe if she must do it, explain to her about drug testing kits and lethal doses, and why pills are so dangerous because you never know what is actually in them.

As tempting as kicking off may be, the chances are that if she does just go off and do it again she won't turn to you if anything bad happens out of fear of being shouted at again.

Anyone remember the smint thread?

I took all the drugs at that age OP. If she was taking them last night, waking her up to discuss it will cause nothing but a shitstorm. I'd let her wake naturally, and stand with the bag in your hand - let her fill the silence... Point out that she doesn't know what it's mixed with, that she's being fucking stupid, that there is no such thing as a 'safe' drug as no one ever knows what's in it. See if you can get her to open up, find out if she uses habitually at parties or if this was a one off; for the latter you'll probably be ok, the former I'd escort her to the gp for a chat and see if there's any help available.

Either way, if you're the one funding her, I'd stop all access to money; not as a punishment, still buying makeup, magazines, wee treats, just not letting her have actual cash access so money can't go on drugs. Obviously harder if she has a job and her own money...

Oh, and tell her that I'm 29. I stopped all drugs when I was 20. My friends didn't, I only have 3 friends still alive from that time; the rest are all dead, either by overdose, alcohol addiction which followed the drug lifestyle, or in a few cases suicide - directly linked to their mental health issues caused by drugs. One died at the age of 27 because his body simply packed up, multiple organ failure by chronic ketamine use. I have more dead friends, than I have digits on my fingers and toes.

take her to have a chat with the locals who are homeless

Jesus fucking christ do not do this. Maybe have her read some articles about the associated risks instead?

Homeless people are not you know, a circus attraction.

I agree that those who go off the rail have other stuff going on. We all dabbled anD most of us are now lawyers, doctors, teachers, professionals who don’t take drugs anymore. One who went off the rails had a terrible home life already - she fell into the wrong crowd as an escape. The drugs were an aside really. And she’s a teacher now!!

I have an adult friend who has A testing kit for rare nights out. Teach her how to be safe and for gods sake don’t make it more clandestine and therefore far more attractive.

It’s scary because you don’t know what’s in it. Testing kits help. Plus teach her to stay in groups, stay cool, drink enough but not too much, and to take in stages (I always took a half first to test it out, but I’m very risk averse).

First off don't go mental. Explain that your worried. Talk about taking drugs safely (drug testing if around, only having little bits then waiting, what to do if things go wrong, not doing it often, what drugs to completely avoid etc etc) Don't let her think you are ok with it. (My friends with very liberal parents ended up doing huge amounts of drugs) but don't exaggerate the dangers. She knows perfectly well most people who take drugs occassionally have minimal issues. Let her wake up, I would try and speak to her on a walk or in the car as at home often these things escalate.

At 17 I certainly wouldn't make a huge drama out of it
I would.
The thought of my DC taking E at any age would cause me worry.
Be prepared for the lies she found it, they are her friends pills.
There isn't much you can do about to keep her in at that age.
Drugs are massively popular these days especially with teens.

I thought of the smint thread too and was about to suggest licking one.

Homeless people aren't there as a learning opportunity for middle class teenagers FFS. How patronising and condescending - they aren't a zoo exhibit.