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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help- found ecstasy in dd’s room

354 replies

Potatopots · 30/11/2019 08:49

At a loss on what to do. Dd went out last night and took my house key with her (she lost hers)- I’m heading out now and couldn’t find my key on the hook so checked her jacket pocket and found my key as well as a baggie containing 2 ecstasy pills. She’s still asleep but what do I do? Wake her up and confront her? Wait until she’s woken up and ask her about them? Leave them on her bedside table for her to see when she wakes up and see what she does before I ask her?

OP posts:
spacepyramid · 30/11/2019 11:06

l would wake her up, tell her you have a very important place to take her, and take her to have a chat with the locals who are homeless..If in London, Victoria station area is a good one to start.

You can't use people like that. What right have you to expect they are going to be happy to talk about their life like that, have you no consideration for how they may be there because of horrendous situations which they would understandably be unable or unwilling to talk about it? Why should they help you with your parenting?

Talk to your daughter, don't lecture her, say you've found them and ask if she needs help and offer to work out a way forward together as a team not as a mother telling off a child.

Clymene · 30/11/2019 11:06

There is a difference, nay a gulf, between being blasé and saying that this isn't the worst thing in the world.

It's not great but many teenagers dabble occasionally and then stop. It's a rite of passage in today's world, just like getting so drunk you puke.

The important thing is keeping lines of communication open and educating her so that she can keep safe.

TheNameGames · 30/11/2019 11:10

ExhaustedGrinch
But that’s your experience and who you hung out with. I don’t know a single person in my life who has been to prison or had their children taken away from them or anyone who was stupid enough to swallow a bag of coke because the police were coming and on that, unless your friend was somewhere like Thailand or Bali, that is the most astonishingly stupid thing I’ve heard in a while.

Fizzypoo · 30/11/2019 11:12

Leah Betts did die because she drank too much water. The info on drug safety wasn't available like it is now @Micah

You can have your view on recreational drugs and I can have mine. Mine is formed through personal and professional experience. I really wouldn't be too worried about recreational pill use. The ops dd is not the first and nor the last to take a few pills for a phase in her young adult life.

nevertellmetheodds · 30/11/2019 11:12

@ewwsweatyunderboob. Leah Betts isn’t ok....:she’s dead

NewName73 · 30/11/2019 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewName73 · 30/11/2019 11:17

Not all the random drug deaths that happen to nice middle class girls make the news headlines.

Rubyroost · 30/11/2019 11:21

Hmmmmm leah died because of overeducation or miseducation. I was at school around the time of her death and remember pshe lessons were about of you take ecstasy you need to drink a lot. Unfortunately that only applied to people who were dancing away at nightclubs and parties, leahs 18th bash was a relatively serene affair but she still drank a lot and her body unable to process all the fluids, she died. I think ecstasy can prevent you from needing a wee and peeing for a while.

No one is necessarily saying that drugs are okay, but they are a fact of life. Many 15 year olds at my school took them when I was younger, I went to a grammar school, so these weren't kids at the bottom of the class system who became homeless. Many have very high earning positions today and have left that behind them. I'm sure if I asked them they wouldn't regret it though.

Leah Betts parents originally took the drugs are bad approach and wanted the dealer that gave leah the pull locked up. Until the truth came out,the dealer was her friend and leah had taken ecstasy before and experimentation was normal in her age group. They soon changed their minds and said we need to accept that young people will take drugs and we need to work with them and educate them to help them be responsible in their drug use/experimentation. I know that may seem like an oxymoron to some!
I agree with pp who mentioned that tablets today have lots of adulterants in though, not like ecstasy in the 90s which used to be pure. I think a lot of them are made in China.

ExhaustedGrinch · 30/11/2019 11:23

unless your friend was somewhere like Thailand or Bali, that is the most astonishingly stupid thing I’ve heard in a while. Not in Thailand or Bali but in a small town in Wales. Not stupid but suffering drug induced psychosis.

Micah · 30/11/2019 11:26

Leah Betts did die because she drank too much water. The info on drug safety wasn't available like it is now

Accurate information still isn’t out there. The effects of mdma were certainly known in 1995, it was the public thinking they could “control” or prevent serious effects by doing things like drinking water, without understanding the biochemistry.

Mdma can cause SIADH- it affects the body’s ability to urinate. It’s not as simple as “drinking too much water”. If she had drunk the water with no mdma on board she would have likely survived.

Death from “drinking too much water” makes it sound like Leah’s death wasn’t mdma related. It was.

There are plenty of cases in the medical literature where people have died from mdma without water intoxication.

ewwsweatyunderboob · 30/11/2019 11:27

Could not roll my eyes any harder at this point.

Mooey89 · 30/11/2019 11:29
  1. are you sure it wasn’t a Smint (anyone else remember that thread from years ago?!
  2. I took drugs at 17, I’m a perfectly normal well adjusted professional mother and wife now at 30. Don’t panic, but do have a chat about being safe. Testing drugs etc.
Madein1995 · 30/11/2019 11:33

It's a tricky one. I personally wouldn't go in too heavy, but I also don't tho m dismissing it would be helpful. Perhaps I'm biased, I'm in NA and I don't know how many speakers I heard who started on party drugs which then crept into everyday life, before moving on to harder drugs.

That's the issue, it can be a problem or not. Being calm and not lecturing is a good start - don't wake her up and go off on one. Have a cup of tea over a discussion. Ask her what her life goals are, what effect will drugs have on that, why she takes them (peer press, to have fun, to manage emotions) and then suggest alternatives. Bring in the dangers - teens or young adults don't care about death because they thibj it'll never happen to them. Be firm, be nice and supportive, but do address it

Whatever you do do not do what my parents did when they discovered I was using opiates. It was to shout, threaten, disown me, refuse to speak, address my as druggie and not by my name, tell me to kill myself. It was the hardest week of my life. And unsurprisingly with all that going on I was still usung

CymaticPrincess88 · 30/11/2019 11:34

Imagine thinking literally every homeless person is a drug addict. How fucking horrible to say.

Madein1995 · 30/11/2019 11:35

new the raped girl was not raped because she took drugs. She was raped because there's evil people out there.

Rubyroost · 30/11/2019 11:35

Yes leqh died from a combination of ecstasy and water, but the point remains her death could have been avoided if she had known the effects of ecstasy and water. Dancing all night means you sweat the water away. There's something I ecstasy that means you don't wee the water out though and that's why she dies. If she had known this her death could have been prevented.

Daisy7654 · 30/11/2019 11:36

I know:
One person who died of psychosis (suicide) after smoking strong weed, died aged 20.
One person who died after taking pills. Age 18.
Three people who adopted their babies. All the babies came from parents who were drug takers.

No one who came out unscathed.

It's not safe.

TheNameGames · 30/11/2019 11:38

@ExhaustedGrinch
Not in Thailand or Bali but in a small town in Wales. Not stupid but suffering drug induced psychosis.

Oh, so your friend was suffering from psychosis beforehand, that paints quite a different picture to your original post. Nobody who wasn’t suffering from some sort of psychosis and not in a country where getting caught with drugs was life imprisonment or the death penalty would swallow a bag of coke. Someone who done a couple of lines would have had the confidence to front it out and someone who was an addict wouldn’t have wanted to waste it by swallowing it.

Emeraldshamrock · 30/11/2019 11:38

Leah Betts did die because she drank too much water. The info on drug safety wasn't available like it is now
Plus she may have been fixated on drinking the water, like some drank beer, chewed gum, if she wasn't under the influence. One time I was fixated thinking I needed to pee I spent 6 hours in and out of the bathroom like a yoyo.
There have been a good few young deaths in Ireland and the UK from the synthetic ingredients.
How do we no these pills aren't made up.of those, producers are always looking for cheaper ingredients to maximize profits.
Drugs are a whole different world with lots of variety compared to a decade ago.

Dilkhush · 30/11/2019 11:39

I'm very middle class and drugs scare the shit out of me (I've only ever smoked a bit of dope). I have been horrified by the drug taking among young people - I once picked DD up from a party and the 17 year old host had taken 6 drugs that evening: ket, cannabis, alcohol, the stuff in the silver balloon bottles, acid and a legal high. I cannot imagine how those drugs interacted in her young body.
Having said that, I haven't gone down the 'freak out, cut the funding and ground them' route. I decided to give factual information as much as possible, with a realistic sense of the risks, many of which are behavioural rather than chemical. Neither of my DCs will touch legal highs because they can't assess the risks properly. I don't think my DD takes anything other than alcohol now and my DS, though a bit younger and more reckless, does seem to have listened to me a bit. I'm hoping his dope phase will pass soon.
It's a fine line between my disapproval and wanting my DCs and their friends to be honest with me if they take too much of something and get in over the heads. I don't want to be the parent they lie to when the shit hits the fan because they're scared how angry I'll be.

Rubyroost · 30/11/2019 11:40

I know several people who were badly affected by drugs too, one was a complete idiot and took 5 ecstasy pills at once and fued, another became addicted to heroin, mugged an old lady, went to prison and became homeless. He's better now apparently. But I do think there's something in their personalities that made them go off the rails in the first place. Most people I know used drugs sensibly

Timinfuckingruislip · 30/11/2019 11:42

1 girl who was raped at a party because she was under the influence of drugs.

No she was raped because of a rapist - not because she took drugs.

Rubyroost · 30/11/2019 11:42

Should say died, not fued

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