Help- found ecstasy in dd’s room

[Potatopots]

At a loss on what to do. Dd went out last night and took my house key with her (she lost hers)- I’m heading out now and couldn’t find my key on the hook so checked her jacket pocket and found my key as well as a baggie containing 2 ecstasy pills. She’s still asleep but what do I do? Wake her up and confront her? Wait until she’s woken up and ask her about them? Leave them on her bedside table for her to see when she wakes up and see what she does before I ask her?

Scare mongering won't work. I took loads of ecstasy in the '90's but am now terrified my teens will take it. No-one could have stopped me sadly, the more off limits it was the more it appealed, all that excitement . Really hope you can have a sensible talk x

I also agree that taking her to visit homeless folk under the bridge is just so wrong. I mean taking ecstasy generally doesn't lead you there any how. I do know people my age (50's) who still take recreational drugs but a few times a year at most. No-one ended up dead or homeless although if course I'm not saying it doesn't happen.

All the 'drugs are fine' posts on this thread are appalling.
Have you all also forgotten that if a woman takes drugs / is known to take drugs (even just pills, she doesnt have to be a junkie) she will have her baby taken off her at birth into permanent care / adoption, and if she gets pregnant again then it will happen repeatedly.
I haven't experience of this but know it's a fact as do all social workers.

#2 worlds. You lot and your middle class bubble and privileges (eg you may say - it didn't happen to me and I took coke regularly
before I was pregnant) APPAL me.

I think the social consequences are more likely to change her mind than, you might die. I work in mental health and we see a lot of kids in psychosis following taking 'party drugs' and they can permanently deplete the hormone levels in your brain which can lead to mental health issues in the future. But a teenager will probably ignore that and be willing to take the risk. What she can't deny is that every drug she buys is contributing to organised crime. People that sell/buy drugs will be funding gun crime, murder, people trafficking, prostitution, which are all a bane on society. Unless you are growing your own weed the person you buy your drugs from will have got them from somewhere else which will be linked into much more serious crime. Does she want to be part of that cycle?

@Emeraldshamrock while I agree there’s no ethical way to consume drugs, most MDMA is made in labs in Europe and the South American cartel stuff doesn’t really apply.

I took E around that age and now at 38 it's the biggest regretful period of my life. I am utterly ashamed of my actions while out of my head on E. Which is what I would try to highlight with your daughter. The amount of things I did at that time while my inhibitions were lowered are things that have haunted me since. We don't think straight while on E, we go places we wouldn't normally go, do things we wouldn't do sober etc and while they are all great fun at the time the reality of them days/weeks/even years later is something I wouldn't want my DD to have to deal with.

Added to that, social media is rife these days and it is too easy for anyone to record any of these mistakes and put them out there for all to see. It's really not something that teens give much thought to but I would really stress to your DD how the things she does while on E could shape how she feels about herself in future and can muddy future relationships as some of the shame just never leaves.

She probably won't listen now, the only time I stopped was when I found out I was pregnant at 17 because of one of those E-filled nights. The horror at realising I had put my baby at risk and was now a single mother was a bigger wake up call than I expected.

Have you all also forgotten that if a woman takes drugs / is known to take drugs (even just pills, she doesnt have to be a junkie) she will have her baby taken off her at birth into permanent care / adoption, and if she gets pregnant again then it will happen repeatedly.

Absolute bollocks. Babies are born to, and go home to live with addicts every day. Every single day.

I don't know if it's nasty or offensive to say that Leah Betts died because she didn't know how to keep herself safe. It's true, she could have died because of a dodgy pill, but that's not what happened - she didn't know what was and wasn't safe and died of water intoxication as a result which is still incredibly sad and a lesson to anyone using drug. To be clear, I'm not saying 'it was her own fault' and I don't think the previous poster was either - more they were saying that a big problem with drugs is that people aren't aware of the risks. Which is why OP should be talking to her daughter calmly and armed with as much information as she can - if she wants to take them, at 17 she's going to. So arm her with the knowledge of the risks and hope that she doesn't, or that if she does she knows some stuff that helps her minimise that risk.

Oh, and lots of my friends took drugs occasionally when we were younger. We're all successful professionals in our early thirties now - and some of them still occasionally dabble. It isn't unusual and I think people who immediately go OH MY GOD ILLEGAL DANGEROUS YOU'LL DIE are doing more harm than decriminalisation (to help reduce dodgy batches), good testing kit availability and better information would do.

@TheNameGames

'The fuck I am on about' is the comment that Leah died of her own ignorance- what a hideous thing to say about a young woman.

Yes she did die because she drank so much water; but if she hadn't taken ecstasy, she wouldn't have drunk the water.

I would speak to her later. It's far from uncommon and for most kids who take them it's a brief passing phase. BUT there's lots of fakes, cross contamination etc and she needs to be persuaded to "just say no" arguing briefly before going out won't work, she needs to see films of kids who have been blinded by fake pills, those who never lived to tell their story - I organised a funeral for a 21 year old who had a heart attack following taking ecstasy last summer, if you could show her that mothers tears she would never touch them again

It's true that Leah Betts died of water poisoning because she was worried about overheating having taken the ecstasy. This is why it's important to ensure our kids are well educated on drug use. Hard line prohibition does not, in most cases, work and has the opposite effect in many instances. Education is key, understanding all the associated risks and then hoping that they will make responsible decisions accordingly.

@changeforprivacy
'The fuck I am on about' is the comment that Leah died of her own ignorance- what a hideous thing to say about a young woman.

Yes she did die because she drank so much water; but if she hadn't taken ecstasy, she wouldn't have drunk the water.

Complete overreaction from you to say it’s the nastiest thing you have ever read on MN. That poster laid out the facts. She drank so much water that mixed with the ecstasy, she died. That’s it. The other poster wasn’t being mocking or derogatory about it

Leah Betts died because there wasn't harm reduction and safety info freely available.

Babies do not get taken off mums who have recreational drug use history. Babies get taken away from parents who cannot keep their babies safe.

Ecstasy really isn't the worse drug a 17yr old could take. I'd be more concerned with a 17yr old smoking weed every day rather than raving and taking pills sometimes.

Could she have been pressured into having them... but not actually taken them because shes more sensible than that?

One pill can - and does - kill.

Firstly , while it's upsetting , most teenagers take e's at some point. The huge majority are perfectly safe and use them to enhance lights etc at clubs do try not to worry (too much)

The problem is occasionally that one pill that can kill.

Honestly you won't stop her taking them but you can show her videos of bereaved parents following a dodgy batch and just talk to her. Ask her if she is going to take them that she only ever takes 1/2 a pill and she tells her friends exactly what she's taken and keep the other 1/2 in her purse so if god forbid it's a killer pill that 1/2 can be given to doctors and they can treat her knowing what she's taken
Being a parent of a teenager is a minefield and horrific

Complete overreaction from you to say it’s the nastiest thing you have ever read on MN. That poster laid out the facts. She drank so much water that mixed with the ecstasy, she died. That’s it. The other poster wasn’t being mocking or derogatory about it

It's my reaction though. Excepting trolls, it is the worst thing I personally have read.

I realise lots of people just read things with no emotion, experience or attachment, but we are just not all the same and for me that blame comment hit.

From your POV an over reaction. From mine, not so.

Anyway I think points made so no more derailment?

Daisy that just isn't true. I worked in drug and alcohol services for years and we had service users who were actively taking heroin and didn't have their children removed so that's a load of nonsense. I'm not saying that's the best scenario but with support and lots of SS involvement it happened. So I very much doubt a woman who's taken the odd pill in her life is going to have her baby whisked away at birth.

I second the advice about The Loop.

Scare tactics dont work. They haven't worked for a very long time and if they did, then we wouldnt be having this conversation.

The fact is, people will take drugs if they want to. They wont if hey dont want to. Scaring kids about death statistics is not going to do anything.

What you can do is properly inform your teen of all the risks associated. The Loop is great at circulating info about safe doses, safe ways to look after yourself, safe testing and even raise awareness dangerous pills that are not what they seem to be.

N-Ethyl pentylone seems to be a be popular MDMA fake. The after effects are certainly not as pleasurable and it's easier to overdose on it.

Awareness. Awareness. Awareness. Arm your teen with the right info and hopefully she will make the right choices with that.

Personally, I would rather arm mine with the right and safe information, than shout and scream at them. It would probably drive them further into the wrong direction.

I meant no harm, changeforprivacy, and certainly did not intend to suggest Leah was in any way to blame. The culture of the time was Just Say No and information was not given to young people. This has changed a lot since (hence Talk to Frank). Mindful of your upset, I will be more careful with how I choose my words in future on a subject as sensitive as this.

Have you all also forgotten that if a woman takes drugs / is known to take drugs (even just pills, she doesnt have to be a junkie) she will have her baby taken off her at birth into permanent care / adoption, and if she gets pregnant again then it will happen repeatedly.

The level of naivety on MN is astounding sometimes. Do people honestly believe that every pregnant woman who uses or has used recreational drugs has her baby removed and taken into care? I work with many children who have been raised by parents with substance abuse issues and can assure you that this only happens in the most extreme cases.

She clearly can’t be trusted. I would stop all pocket money and privileges. I would be tempted to ring the non-emergency police line too for advice re: recreational drug use. In many ‘county lines’ places they will often send police officers round to understand where / who they bought the drugs from etc

Can't believe how many people are so blasé about illegal drug use

As a teenager I was surrounded by all kinds of drugs, most of my friends smoked weed, took pills, ket, coke etc many of them have fucked up their mental health, many have gone on to long term drug use, some have gone to prison (and one had her daughter was removed from her due to this) and yes, some of them have died. Many accidental overdoses and one who swallowed a bag of coke because they believed the police were coming, it exploded in his stomach and he died. Another friend who only ever took pills is now addicted to prescription drugs and is at risk of losing her daughter in a custody battle. In my experience there are few that came out of their "recreational drug use" unscathed. And yes, I'm taking about various drugs here but ALL of them started with weed and pills.

*I would be glad she's doing pills and not ketamine. Pills are a happy drug that makes music feel better. I'd talk harm reduction and safety - ie poor leah Betts who died because she drank too much water.

I honestly wouldn't be worried if my dd was taking pills. They are not addictive, they are fun and sociable.*

Bloody hell this is ignorant.

They are not “fun and sociable”. “Poor leah betts” did not die from “drinking too much water”. If she had not have taken the mdma, she wouldn’t have died, regardless of how much water she had drunk.

Mdma kills. End of. It’s also unpredictable. You may be fine 100 times, and die on the 101st. The dose response is unpredictable, and the body’s response also. There’s no antidote.

Don’t buy into myths about it’s safety.

@Dilkhush

It's fine. I DID over react. I'm sorry.

Society must really be in a bad way when drugs and alcohol (to excess) is seen as normal.
Strangely there are people who do not indulge in either.
Other people often have their lives messed up because someone around them chose to indulge. It is not just about the person who took the drugs or alcohol.