Help- found ecstasy in dd’s room

[Potatopots]

At a loss on what to do. Dd went out last night and took my house key with her (she lost hers)- I’m heading out now and couldn’t find my key on the hook so checked her jacket pocket and found my key as well as a baggie containing 2 ecstasy pills. She’s still asleep but what do I do? Wake her up and confront her? Wait until she’s woken up and ask her about them? Leave them on her bedside table for her to see when she wakes up and see what she does before I ask her?

You sound calm which is good. I'm sure you are terrified inside though.

Keep calm and try and get the facts. I agree - put them on the table and ask for an explanation. Do not prompt the conversation.
I would go along the lines of teenagers who have died - and have some articles to back that up.

It's horrible how easily accessible drugs are for teenagers.

I agree with that point that you don't know what's in it however a dealer will very rarely sell dodgy drugs that could potentionally kill someone

Yeah, because those dealers are proper salts of the Earth

Literally thousands of people have died from taking drugs that have been cut with dodgy shit. Don't kid yourself that dealers give a fuck about anything past how much money is going into their pockets.

‘Rarely sell’ is not really good enough!

Flush them (in front of her)

Then make sure she knows how to keep herself safe if she does take drugs.

Oh and zero tolerance on her staying Class As in your house.

Honestly shocked by all the people normalising this. Yeah, maybe it is common and most of us probably have tried it. Doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous though. I work in A&E and have for a few years. During those few years I have seen numerous teenagers die from drugs (including ecstasy) it overheats you and it can be extremely hard for that to be treated. I’ve seen the parents who’ve just lost their teenager to ecstasy and I wouldn’t think they’d think it’s fun and sociable and safer than horse riding etc etc. Easy to say on a thread how it’s common and “safe” but I certainly won’t have that approach with my daughter.

Surely you could say the same about many things though?

Honestly shocked by all the people normalising horse-riding. Yeah, maybe it is common and lots of us probably have tried it. Doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous though. I work in A&E and have for a few years. During those few years I have seen numerous teenagers die from falling off horses it. I’ve seen the parents who’ve just lost their teenager to horse-riding accidents and I wouldn’t think they’d think it’s fun and sociable and safer than a drive to the shops etc etc. Easy to say on a thread how it’s common and “safe” but I certainly won’t have that approach with my daughter.

I agree with that point that you don't know what's in it however a dealer will very rarely sell dodgy drugs that could potentionally kill someone
You know the street dealers is why down the line from the manufacturers. How would they know what ingredients are in it. They may not willingly set out to kill.

During those few years I have seen numerous teenagers die from falling off horses it

Deaths from horse riding are far lower than mdma

Stats are difficult to find but google tells me approx 10 horse riding related incidents per year, 60 mdma related. I can’t find the total users to give a % but I cant imagine there are 6x the among of people using mdma than there are horse riders.

Same as alcohol though. No one is saying alcohol, horse riding is less dangerous. Just that mdma is not “completely safe” as some seem to think. There is a risk of death, however small.

No one is saying alcohol, horse riding is less dangerous. Just that mdma is not “completely safe” as some seem to think. There is a risk of death, however small

I don't think a single person in this thread said that MDMA (bought from a drug dealer) is "completely safe".

Anyway, the exact death rate wasn't even my point. My point was that if you work in a hospital A&E department, you will likely see deaths from many things over time. That doesn't mean you should kick your child out of the house or call the police every time they do one of those things.

I mean, that's been the ongoing circular argument throughout the thread, so there's no point us rehashing it again. In summary:

• some people said they would go nuts about the OP's situation because some people have died from taking ecstasy before which means taking ecstasy must be the deadliest activity known to man
• some other people tried to give a bit of perspective by pointing out how risky it is in relation to some other activities that people let their kids do all the time simply because... culture!
• the second group of people got accused of not caring about their kids or about people dying and being totally fine with their kids taking illegal drugs and of saying MDMA is totally harmless, etc. etc. despite never saying any of those things.

@starclaws difference is I’ve genuinely never seen a patient die from falling off a horse. I’ve seen injuries some very severe from falling off a horse, I’ve seen them needing urgent surgery and trauma teams etc. But never actually die because if they’ve fallen off a horse and are otherwise healthy and make it into the hospital the experiences I’ve had have all been able to be treated well enough to avoid death. Whereas the same can’t be said for mdma, they’ve been otherwise healthy and made it to hospital and given the best we can and still died.

So yes you could make the same arguments, however there are reasons these things are illegal. And the fact that they are illegal makes them a lot more dangerous also as they could contain any number of other dangerous chemicals. However mdma even alone without being cut with other substances can be dangerous especially concerning body temperature and that can kill you.

Three young people died over the summer in Ireland due to mdma.

Also I wouldn’t call the police on my child if I caught her with them though. Nor would I be shouting at her. But a conversation about the dangers would be had and I would make her aware if she was under 18 the repercussions on the family too as if she were to end up needing medical help social services would then be informed etc etc. It would be a calm conversation and I’d much rather her be open and honest with me about things than hide it.

From what I can read Idon't think people on this thread have said taking drugs is fine.

They've said that like a lot of things teens will make unwise decisions and there isn't a lot we can do about that. Sex, alcohol, partners, and drugs are part of that for a lot of teens.

They've said that going off the deep end will do you no favours in engaging with your teen.

They've said absolutely don't go and have a show and tell with local homeless folk. (I mean ducking hell).

All seems very sensible advice to me. We've learnt over the years and over many many research projects that prohibition doesn't work. Never has. Never will. Particularly with impulsive teens.

My parents knew I took E, late 90s, they didn't allow it in the house though. If they found it they flushed it. They were sensible with me. Set boundaries. Made sure I knew what I should and shouldn't do. No alcohol with it. Regular but not too much water. Stay with friends.

I’m not sure how old you are but back in the late 1990’s there was a really sad case a young lady called Leah Betts. She died, it wasn’t fun and it wasn’t sociable.

It was fun and sociable the many times she took it before she died. She enjoyed it. Many people said that after she died. She died from mixing ecstasy with alcohol and a lot of water. She had taken ecstasy safely many times before that time.

Have you all also forgotten that if a woman takes drugs / is known to take drugs (even just pills, she doesnt have to be a junkie) she will have her baby taken off her at birth into permanent care / adoption, and if she gets pregnant again then it will happen repeatedly.
I haven't experience of this but know it's a fact as do all social workers.

This is simply not true. I've worked with many many people who use recreational substances regularly and have children, babies go home addicted every day. It's a case by case basis nothing is a blanket rule anymore.

Sorry that people appal you. Different experiences though are what make an open debate.

Educate her on the risks and hope she makes good choices - this is by far the best advice.
I took pills loads as a teen and have gone in to have a decent job and a family.
I would have ignored a shouting threatening parent and just lied

Mdma kills. End of. It’s also unpredictable. You may be fine 100 times, and die on the 101st. The dose response is unpredictable, and the body’s response also. There’s no antidote.

So does alcohol.

Reality is teens live in a world where they think it won't happen to them. They are impulsive. They don't do sensible things all the time.

The fact that alcohol is legal and drugs not doesn't make either one of them a better option

I think it does, actually.

A person who takes part in risky behaviours isn’t going to be swayed by hand-wringing from their parents. They just won’t. But at least with alcohol there is greater protection against dangerous products.

Of course, plenty of teenagers have died from alcohol poisoning. But at least we know what’s in that, licensing at least means the sale is controlled as much as possible as is the manufacturing.

Or in short, you won’t die from one Smirnoff Ice, but you might from one dodgy pill.

Actually @actualhornet there is loads of dodgy alcohol going round atm and teens are dying through drinking it. It's sold in corner shops, pubs and bars and it's counterfeit. Teens are dying and going blind buying what they think is legit booze, shopkeepers are selling it thinking it's legit booze but it's not.

And if you take that out of the picture for now, alcohol does cause more death than ecstasy. Have a look on the peer reviewed journal articles. It's not always counterfeit or too much booze, it's the risky behaviour after. Alcohol causes more harm by a significant amount and more deaths per ratio than E.

And if you take that out of the picture for now, alcohol does cause more death than ecstasy. Have a look on the peer reviewed journal articles.

I posted a couple of them up the thread. On the scale of harms alcohol is WAY up there with methamphetamine and crack. It's really quite risky, both in its immediate effects and long term. People die from acute alcohol-related problems frequently. It never makes the tabloids though.

I didn't say anything about frequency of deaths, or counterfeit alcohol which I'm sure you'd agree is on a par with illegal drugs in that there is no way to know what is in it or how it will affect you?

Risky behaviour that results in death - playing chicken in traffic, thinking having a fight is a good idea - is related to alcohol but it's not a death from alcohol poisoning.

Anyway, I agree with both @Fizzypoo and @TriangularRatbag - I was purely countering the comment from someone above. Personally I'm in favour of all drugs being decriminalised and properly regulated. Aside from everything else - all the tax money the country is missing out on!

That sounds great op! It is perfectly possible she didn't take any, (two pills is a normal amount to buy) and it's really great she told you what her friends are up to. I have to admit I've never told mum when I was anywhere near doing drugs for fear of her going mad at me, I definitely wouldn't have admitted I bought them so I think she's quite brave (of course buying drugs is silly but owning up to it is quite good, she could've just stuck to her original story). I hope she continues to tell you stuff and stay safe!

Those are both widely repeated urban myths, YouJustDoYou.

As her parent I do think that you do have a lot of influence.

There is evidence to back that up.

Talking to her in an open but firm way surely? As in... listen to her a lot, really be interested in what she has to say. Don’t just have a one off conversation, spend time with her regularly. Either by giving her lifts, treating her... keep here trust and she will open up more.

However I’d also be frank. In a ‘you can take this you are 17 and I’m respecting you can hear some truths’ way. Rather than preaching. But if she hears from you, her Mum, that you want her not to do this, giving valid reasons why, then she will listen to you too.

Also be sure to give her the ‘i don’t want you to take this... etc.., however if you are EVER in any kind of even small trouble, I need you to promise to call me and I’ll HELP. If you feel weird, feel ill. Anything.

Please dont bring your bloody teenagers who had a couple of pills into our NA meetings ffs.

The rat poison thing is also a massive myth made to sound scary. Why would they do that? what profit?

Is not a myth @Patroclus. Profit because it's not as pure, so in effect "watering" down.