If Your child wanted to board for sixth form and you could afford it, would you let them?

[notnowmaybelater]

We live in the EU outside the UK.

DD was born in the UK, I'm English, DD and has duel citizenship. She hasn't lived in the UK since she was a baby.

DD has been educated in the state system in our non UK country since she was 3. She's currently in the equivalent of year 10 (as in the year before the GCSE equivalents).

She's desperate to go to the UK for 6th form. Staying with family isn't practical (my parents are elderly and live very rurally).

She's eligible for a state boarding school place (parents pay boarding fees of about £10,000 per year, so fairly expensive but far cheaper than a private boarding school).

We can afford this but its not peanuts to us, it's a hefty hit and because there's also be multiple flights per year and other expenses would either mean using savings or cutting out things like family holidays - she's not an only child so cutting holidays would be rather unfair...)

She's currently very, very keen on the idea. She's only been away from home on school trips of maximum 10 days up to now.

There are perfectly good options (equivalent of a grammar school sixth form and a sixth form college) locally to where we live, but she wants to live in the UK...

Would you let your DD board overseas in this situation (1.5 hours flight away). Moving with her isn't an option - two younger children in local schools, work etc.

She'll be only just 16 when she starts sixth form.

Tvstar slow hand clap
Truth hurts, eh? I think you need toreflect on your relationship with your 14/15 year old. I would be very concerned if my young teen wanted to live in a different country to her family. Not good

I did this at 16, and really wanted it, it's one of the things I really regret in life. It wasn't all miserable but I wish I had stayed home in my overseas life close to my family. Having said that there were plenty of other kids who were happy.

What if she goes, hates it and then is stuck there until she finishes?

if you're visiting schoolssoon, will your daughter have the opportunity to peak with current pupils in the same situation that she will be in?

Haven't seen any mention of this - but will current arrangements continue post-brexit if that happens?

I must admit, I'm surprised to learn that UK pays for the education of children of parents that choose to live abroad and pay no UK income tax!

*speak with, not peak with :)

I just wanted to say what a brave kid! I wouldn’t of had the balls to want to go abroad at that age. Do you know what... it might be awful, or it might be the best thing that ever happened to her. Either way she will learn so much from the experience. Someone mentioned she might feel like an outsider in UK but maybe that’s a good thing? Maybe she can go back to your country and feel truly at home then??? IYSWIM. Tough decision and I’d be devastated not seeing my son if he did that. Really tough call. I voted let her go for these reasons above though x

I wouldn't want her to. Boarding is a very different thing and if you've never done it, I'm not sure your crucial final exam years are the the time to start.

Also I don't know what the alcohol and substance abuse situation is in the country where you live, but it's not good in the UK. I'd keep her close and be there to support her during these crucial years. She can go later to UK university I guess?

If she doesn’t like it she can transfer back. Many children board for six form from overseas. Places like Falklands, Ascension Islands and St Helena send all their children. Many overseas posted forces youngsters do to avoid disruption. Many international students do. They manage fine and well.

Boarding isn’t necessarily going to create alcoholic, drug addicts. Most aren’t. Most are hardworking, confident young people. Most achieve higher academic grades because they aren’t just ‘hanging around with their mates’. Their lives are structured and focussed.

Ignore the bit about wanting to get away. It’s just nasty. Youngsters who want to explore the world, who are confident, resilient and outward facing are usually closer to their parents and have stronger relationships than apron string clingers.

I would just say, responding to something the OP said earlier, that boarding pupils in the UK are VERY over protected. They have VERY little freedom. Even 6th formers. There's huge concern over child protection. It will be much more restricted than life in Germany.

Ignore the ignorant narrow minded posters and remember that most of them have absolutely no knowledge of boarding and even less knowledge of boarding in 2019.

Both my DC weekly board and love it. They get the best of both worlds, focussed time at an academically excellent school with a rich programme of pre and post school activities and plenty of time at home relaxing and enjoying being part of a close family.

Just remembering my youngest had to do the ‘Walk of Shame’ after being caught having shared a bottle of champagne on someone’s 18th birthday with three others. They were breathalysed at any suggestion of alcohol and sent to the san for the night (Which they thought very funny).
In the morning they had the Walk of Shame back to their house in their PJs past all the arriving staff. Schools take alcohol consumption seriously. Mildest whiff of drugs means they leave.

It isn't exactly "emigration" which has given DD a duel identity - DH is German and we met when he was doing a sandwich year for his degree in England. My kids wouldn't exist as monocultural children, it was part of them since they were nothing more than a zygote...

I am now thinking the state boarding schools will be too regimented and restrictive and not allowed enough independence for a German raised 16 year old, but will suspend judgement until we've visited in a couple of weeks time.

You could also look at UWC schools - the original one is Atlantic College in Wales (www.atlanticcollege.org), which is an amazing place, set in a castle on a cliff edge with beautiful gardens, but there are now nearly 20 of them around the world: www.uwc.org

They are very international sixth-form colleges (a few of them are part of larger schools covering a wider age range), fully boarding, tuition in English (they all do the IB) but students from all over the world, the majority of whom have scholarships of some sort. They select by commitment to the ethos as well as academic ability, but anyone with a dual-national background would fit right in (monolinguals are in the minority). And they are definitely not stuffy, restrictive, traditional boarding schools.

Difficult to get into though.

exexpat thanks, I've looked at those - if you want to choose a specific school (i.e choose a specific country) the fees are astronomical - 80,000€ or so. 80% of pupils attend for free but if you apply that way you could be placed absolutely anywhere in the world, and while I quite fancy that for myself if I could live my life over again, I don't really want DD more than a 2 hour flight away before she turns 18...

If she discovered UWC by herself and led the process that'd be one thing, but I'm not going to suggest it!

Why are the boarding fees so high? One of the boys in ds' class at school went to Sparsholt college in Hampshire and it's a bit out in the sticks as an agricultural/outdoors/forestry/countryside college so a lot of the teens board. It costs around £5K. That said, it's only weekly boarding but does staying most weekends really warrant double fees?

Despite all the moaning about the English system, I'd take A levels over the Abitur any day. Has she been in the German system or international system? Either way, I can see why she'd like to live in the UK for a bit. But she could do it at uni stage - either for a first degree or a Masters.

I would be very concerned if my young teen wanted to live in a different country to her family. Not good Why? Surely it shows a desire to get out and see the world.

I have dual-nationality children so I understand a little of what you're going through OP. However mine never had a huge urge to live in my home country (the UK) and are perfectly happy living in the US.

My oldest did go to a state boarding school though. It's the best school, academically, in our state. It outranks all other state and private schools and was the right place for her. It cost under $10k a year, which we could just about afford, so she went there for four years.

I've never regretted letting her go there. She visited it at an open day, talked to a lot of students, and went through a fairly arduous application process to get in, so by the time she was accepted she knew it was for her.

She loved it - she found her people there. She actually did the convocation speech last year and she mentioned her dual nationality at it - she said 'I've never felt truly British or American, but I do feel truly that I belong at this school.'

So from our experience boarding school can be a great option. Depends on the school, the student, the family, a lot of things. I'd look into it if I were you, but also be looking at other ways your daughter could live in the UK.

I also wouldn't write off UK universities. I have friends here in the US who have sent their children to British universities and they've been given significant discounts.

I wouldn't. She can have that experience if she goes to university and you'd get extra financial support. I think 16 is too young for that + you'd have to follow suit for your other children if they want to aswell