If Your child wanted to board for sixth form and you could afford it, would you let them?

[notnowmaybelater]

We live in the EU outside the UK.

DD was born in the UK, I'm English, DD and has duel citizenship. She hasn't lived in the UK since she was a baby.

DD has been educated in the state system in our non UK country since she was 3. She's currently in the equivalent of year 10 (as in the year before the GCSE equivalents).

She's desperate to go to the UK for 6th form. Staying with family isn't practical (my parents are elderly and live very rurally).

She's eligible for a state boarding school place (parents pay boarding fees of about £10,000 per year, so fairly expensive but far cheaper than a private boarding school).

We can afford this but its not peanuts to us, it's a hefty hit and because there's also be multiple flights per year and other expenses would either mean using savings or cutting out things like family holidays - she's not an only child so cutting holidays would be rather unfair...)

She's currently very, very keen on the idea. She's only been away from home on school trips of maximum 10 days up to now.

There are perfectly good options (equivalent of a grammar school sixth form and a sixth form college) locally to where we live, but she wants to live in the UK...

Would you let your DD board overseas in this situation (1.5 hours flight away). Moving with her isn't an option - two younger children in local schools, work etc.

She'll be only just 16 when she starts sixth form.

A no from me. It will impact you all financially which isn't fair on you all.

I wouldn't. Plenty of opportunity for her to go to university abroad and live in halls in a couple of years. She's still young and you will miss each other so much

University in the U.K. in three years for a nondom will cost the best part of £100k!

But, Whatjusthappenedthere coming to England for university as a foreign student is fantastically expensive.

A pp suggested applying also to independent schools in the hope of a bursary. This might be worth considering, particularly if your daughter is demonstrably better at something (sport, art, leadership, exams) than her peers. Your family income and assets may be too high, but you won’t know unless you enquire.

Yes, I would/will. DS is in a school that has boarding as an option but does not want to yet. If he asks, I will let him, but only if he asks.

But, for us, it would not impact the rest of our lives/holidays. In your circumstances, if it means another child missing out, no I wouldn't.

I would send her if I could afford it. But I would also go through the finance aspect and highlight that you are banking on her going to uni in your current country. If she thinks she might want to go to uni in England then she should think carefully about using up her 'allotted' education budget. Uni is 3 years plus, and you can access all the UK has to offer. Where sixth form is 6 terms (assuming she goes home in holidays) and she'll be in the school building most of the time.

no chance. she's a child. she can work or study overseas as an adult if she wants.

We lived abroad (in an African country) when DS2 was aged 14-15. I was teaching at the international school he attended.

After IGCSEs, when he was not quite 16, he announced that there was no way he was going to stay any longer because the school only offered the IB as the next step and he wanted to do a specific combination of A levels.

We suggested boarding school in the UK but he had experienced that previously and refused (and since post-16 education is supposed to be the student's responsibility we couldn't really argue).

After much discussion he ended up living by himself in our UK house, about ten minutes walk from a very suitable state school.

All went well, the house was not wrecked, and he taught himself to cook...

Compared with that, I think your DD going to boarding school would be absolutely no problem at all.

I think that it’s quite hard to understand the situation unless you have brought up British kids in a European country. My 3dc’s were born in a European country to British parents and were educated in local schools. They had loads of friends but were always a bit different, square pegs in round holes we used to say.

The eldest left to go to university in a different European country and the younger two came back to the UK And boarded for six months until we too returned. There is such a massive difference in education between the two countries, they had no idea school could be such fun as it was so rigid in Europe where there was little interest in the individual in the way that there is in the UK. My daughter who was 14 at the time says that it is the best thing that ever happened to her. She thrived, became excited by education and did really well, however, in the UK she was still a square peg in a round hole and had to adjust a little but now thinks that it’s good to be slightly different and have experience of different cultures. This has served her well in the workplace too.

I do think though that if your daughter comes back to the UK for sixth form she will never go back to Europe for university so you need to be prepared for that. University in the UK is again a totally different experience and culture to my experience of Europe. I think she may be a year short of the residency rules for UK prices but Scotland will take EU students for massively reduced fees.

My only other caution would please be aware that there is the most diabolical drinking culture in the UK which you simply do not see In other European countries, it is really shocking.

Molly Having just come back after 13 years in belgium, I found the drinking culture shocking there, as they would do it all day. best story was a bus driver who was pulled over and tested. He siad he's only had a beer that day. He neglected to mention the 3 litre box of wine he's had the night before. The Belgians will drink at lunch (an aperitif, wine and a digestif), and then drive. I always got looked at sideways as I will not drink if I am going to be driving. They thought I was mad.

Molly499 thank you for your reply, that's all really relevant.

University in the UK really isn't an option because of cost and she already knows this, weve already had multiple conversations about it. Boarding school doesn't count as residence, and 3 years residence is required for home fees (tbh even home fees plus accommodation and meals would be approaching 60k versus 20k for just sixth form boarding). Overseas university fees are utterly unrealistically high and unnecessary given university here is free.

Going to university here is the reason we're only considering international baccalaureate, as A levels don't have enough breadth to be accepted for entrance to universities here .
She doesn't have to go to university obviously.

Another worry that this thread has accidentally put into focus is that university entrance criteria here require schooling up to the qualifying exam to be continuous. The continuous part is very clear and stated repeatedly. This seems a bit unfair, but then things often are... It's occuring to me it might be a very significant problem if she hated boarding or the international baccalaureate and came home at Christmas. She'd be unlikely to be allowed to jump into 6th form here in the second term and if she had to wait a year she wouldn't have continuous schooling... However this is something that she needs to book an appointment to go and ask the careers advisor here about...

leonardthelemming wow that is independent! Unfortunately I don't have a spare house

I would let her do it (and I also live abroad with DCs whose passports are the most British thing about them). The late teens and early twenties are when identity, in terms of belonging to a culture, really forms in my experience. If you don’t do it she may miss that window and be left with unfinished business.

Surely if she is away for 2 years she won't have continuous schooling for where you are either though?

Trollstice she'll have continuous schooling without a break out of education, that's what counts.

Dropping out at Christmas 2021 and restarting in September 2022 wouldn't be continuous, but finishing in country A in July 2021, summer holidays off the same as everyone else, then school B in September 2021 through to July 2023 is continuous.

Ahh that's OK then! It sounds like you are in Germany, if so, maybe our children can swap. DS is German born but UK raised and wants to go to university in Germany.

Our DD did this.
She went to a secondary day school (no boarding) but wanted to go to a boarding school for 6th form. The school was 3 hours away! Took her to the open day, interviews etc and she loved it, and got her place.
We did get help via a bursary as we only have my husband's pension and some rental income so it cost us about 4-5k per term plus extras - diving trip, skiing etc.

I had my doubts but she loved every minute there and has now started at Imperial.
If you can afford it then go for it. Obviously find out and make sure about residency rules for uni etc.

If she wanted to go to uni abroad I’d make her hang tight for that instead. Given that isn’t going to happen I’d let her to to sixth form there.

I went to a state boarding school, I wonder whether it;s one of the ones you're considering... wymondham college?
My worry is that after living in Europe, which has a very relaxed attitude to drinking, clubbing, especially if you live in a city where you can walk everywhere, a state boarding school will feel very restrictive. It doesn't have the relaxed feel of a private boarding school, as everything is very government regulated. If you choose one out of a city, such as Wymondham, there is virtually no freedom - you can't leave campus during the week, the nearest city is miles away and not reachable by public transport, meaning its a difficult place to make teh sixth form transition to an adult ready for uni, as you still feel like a child, even at 18 as the same restrictive rules still apply. (I moved an went to a local state school for sixth form and it was much better - I could go out when I wanted, go to the pub, have a bit more freedom that set me up for university, get my driving license etc.). Especially perhaps after living in a European country. So location is something to really consider when you choose a school.
On the other hand, i live abroad now and can totally understand her desire to reconnect with her british roots, as she obviously feels that's really where she's from and wants to explore that.

I starting boarding from age 12 and loved it. So I can’t see the big deal tbh.

Having lived in different regions myself I think when you move around you are always torn. E.g. love the outdoors and have great hobbies in one area but miss old family and friends in another. I think your daughter will feel like this with her dual identity. At home with you she is torn for England - but in England she will miss her family and friends. The difference is one of these places will cost you 10k a year.

There is a danger that she won't feel complete or feel that she fits in entirely in England either- as she will carry her dual identity with her and leave her family behind.

I would ask your daughter to finish her education and tell her you will then be completely behind her living and working wherever she chooses.

The other thing to consider is it wouldn't really be fair to not offer her siblings the same opportunity in the future and could you afford to do so?

No, I wouldn't. It's just such a lot of money to spend on something that is essentially a whim that she has no real idea about, and isn't going to do any more for her long term prospects than staying local. Based on the information you provided, you aren't rich enough to do that. For me, that would require being able to meet all costs for this plus uni in the UK (because you have to assume that's going to be next) for all of them. And even then, my feeling would be there is so much more I could do for them with this money.

If you are very wealthy, it would be fine

Not if it would impact holidays / lifestyle for the whole family

and yes, despite all your conversations with her about how a UK uni is not an option, she's a teen and if she spends 2 years in a 6th form UK, she is probably going to want this too
and then be unhappy that she can't

Scottish universities are still offering EU students free tuition fees this year, and I reckon that will continue for at least a couple of years. Why don't you try and encourage uni in Scotland? The boarding option sounds great as well, but best case is she loves it and she wants to go to uni in the UK and then you're screwed.