If Your child wanted to board for sixth form and you could afford it, would you let them?

[notnowmaybelater]

We live in the EU outside the UK.

DD was born in the UK, I'm English, DD and has duel citizenship. She hasn't lived in the UK since she was a baby.

DD has been educated in the state system in our non UK country since she was 3. She's currently in the equivalent of year 10 (as in the year before the GCSE equivalents).

She's desperate to go to the UK for 6th form. Staying with family isn't practical (my parents are elderly and live very rurally).

She's eligible for a state boarding school place (parents pay boarding fees of about £10,000 per year, so fairly expensive but far cheaper than a private boarding school).

We can afford this but its not peanuts to us, it's a hefty hit and because there's also be multiple flights per year and other expenses would either mean using savings or cutting out things like family holidays - she's not an only child so cutting holidays would be rather unfair...)

She's currently very, very keen on the idea. She's only been away from home on school trips of maximum 10 days up to now.

There are perfectly good options (equivalent of a grammar school sixth form and a sixth form college) locally to where we live, but she wants to live in the UK...

Would you let your DD board overseas in this situation (1.5 hours flight away). Moving with her isn't an option - two younger children in local schools, work etc.

She'll be only just 16 when she starts sixth form.

I'd let her do it. At a good school, she'd probably have a great time. And it would help her to become fully bilingual (including in written English), which would be a real advantage. And to develop social skills, become more adaptable, develop a global outlook, etc.

I voted to let her go because I think older teens can benefit from being away from home. It’s a useful stage between day school and uni.

Having read a bit further I see her reason is to do with identifying with the English side of her heritage. My DD also has dual nationality but was born and raised in the U.K.. We spend a lot of time in her fathers country of origin and she identifies strongly with that part of her background. So much so that she opted to go to uni in that country. She had a very difficult few years there. She felt isolated because of her accent (no language barrier, she is bilingual but has a definite Brit accent) and some other hitherto unrealised cultural differences and was always referred to as the ‘foreign’ student. She ended up in a bit of a no mans land, out of step with her friends back home but not fitting in at uni and was very unhappy. In hindsight she wishes she had gone to uni here.

Obviously I’m not saying that will happen to your DD but I wanted to be aware of a potential problem.

We did, she had a bursary so it was about £1500 a term. A word of warning, there's a lot of long weekends and they have to go home/to relatives and there's not many places, no such thing as eligible, well everyone is, she's not a priority though. Jumping to a levels from another system isn't straightforward either. Do try to speak to other parents who have done it from abroad, it wasn't easy living 25 miles away, a lot of pick ups. Also double check the fees, they were £17k if you weren't U.K. based and eligible for a means tested bursary for dd

If it’s a few years away it may just be a fad and she may cha he her mind as it draws nearer

Where does she wants to go to university? Will her current home country accept A levels? Or the other way round: if she wants to study in England, would it be easier to get the right qualifications in England?

Have you identified a particular school then? How many students are new to the sixth form - if very few then she might find it hard to break into existing friendship groups. How many are international? If a large proportion is it possible she doesn't find her experience very English at all. How near your parents/ an airport is it? If things go wrong, or she has shows/ sports fixtures how easy is it for someone to go and cheer her on or come and take her out for supper? What about exeats?

If you've sussed our all the above I'd be inclined to agree as long as it wasn't crippling financially and you could do the same for the younger ones.

Can she do a trial week anytime?

Deemail we could pay for all of them to do the same as fortunately we have 3 academic years between each child do would never pay for 2 at once. I can't predict what dc3 will want as he's only 8, but if dc2 wanted to go to boarding school at 16 I'd eat his stinky football boots - he's a massive homebody and absolutely sees himself as a local where we live now.

We wouldn't want to pay for them to go to university in the UK as it seems like bad economics because university here is free.

No, given the impact on the rest of your family.

She can always go to uni in the UK.

An alternative to boarding would be to stay with a host family and go to a day school. Would save on flights and might be cheaper over all. Organisations like EF provide exchange programs. She might have to change families after 1 year though if she wants to stay for all of 6 Form.

I think if she goes to sixth form in the UK ( friends, clubs, interests, potential girl/boyfriend, love of the country etc etc) there's a good chance she'll be asking you to pay her uni fees here in a couple of years time...

My daughter will be attending 6th form next year in a really good state school, it also has a boarding option.

Most of the students are from all over the world. We were really impressed, good mix of nurturing and responsibility. We are the UK anyway but there is no transport so I’m considering flexi boarding, daughter is keen.

During our tour the girls who showed us around said they are so busy with activities, it has a gym and sports track, and social events they only go home a couple of times a year and didn’t miss home until they visited but were equally happy to return.

It’s hard to gain a place at the school though and deadline is in two weeks for applicants, not sure about other schools.

I wouldn't. What happens when your other children grow up and want the same? I think if she wants to move to England then she can do that when she is old enough to fund it herself.
I remember at about 14/15 really wanting to board at 6th form. I used to look at websites and dream about it. But my parents would never have been able to afford it. And I knew it was more about the independence of living 'alone' which I only had to wait 2 years for when I went to uni.

I went to a weekly boarding school from 11-18 and it was brilliant for me, although I didn't love it all the time.
Living with my teachers at A-level was a great perk but I guess not all boarding houses have that set up.
Other expenses will include her likely wanting to learn to drive a car and then probably buying one, so can you afford that in top and will it affect finances too?
To be honest, if she could go to a Scottish school & study for highers, she might be eligible for free tuition at scottish universities, which isn't too be sniffed at.
I do feel that her reasons for going abroad can't just be that she feels 'different' where you live now. She will likely feel just as 'different' when she is abroad. If she had valid reasons like studying certain A-levels or it increases her opportunities for university then it would be more understandable.
I was like you OP, quite independent and happy out in the world in my own, so I wouldn't want to say it's a bad idea for your daughter.

No, in your situation I wouldn’t let her go.

It’s too much ‘family money’ when you have other children to consider. What she wants (not needs) shouldn’t take so much away from the others and personally, unless it’s a necessity, I think families are better off when they live together. If she goes to boarding school now, she will have a more distant relationship with all of you in the future.

She has her whole adult life to move, to travel, to do as she pleases. She doesn’t need to be living away from home, in another country at 16, when she could go to a good school where you live & live at home with her family.

What they want & what’s best for them aren’t always the same thing!

I have mixed feelings re this and it goes without saying that you and the immediate family would miss her.
On one hand living in the uk might give her an identity that she wants( I know another child who didn't make this move at 16 and who regrets it) and the experience is likely to broaden her horizons.
On the other hand it would very much depend on the school as some can be quite isolated and isolating at weekends if lots of the children go home .
At 16 many young people are mature enough to make this decision and I wouldn't necessarily think that her age is a problem. One further thought; is year 12 a significant entry point at the school you have in mind?

If she wants to study in your home country check with university admission if they accept A levels (and which combinations?) or whether DD would have to do IB.

ThinkIamflyingundertheradar thank you for that post. I can very much imagine her being devastated by being more foreign in the UK than she is here. Here she has had some of the same close friends since she was 3! With the consequent in jokes etc.

She doesn't have an accent in either language (I'm sure that's not just my bias as people in England are surprised that she lives overseas and have no idea in which country). However she won't get the cultural references her peers have. She speaks English like an adult not a teen...

She is fully literate in English, reads young adult and adult fiction in English, writes stories and journals in English, slightly unexpectedly listens devotedly to an Irish (English language) radio station...

NellyBarney we've got that covered

User342109097569098 we'd have to apply this coming August.

titchy yes we've identified a school. There are really only two schools which would work for her. Were going to visit next month but very much just to see, with an open mind...

No, what will you do for all the weekends she's supposed to go home, not including half terms? If you don't have family nearby it will be a nightmare.

It sounds like the very typical wanting to be a bit different type situation. Not something I'd spend thousands of pounds indulging.

I vote no, purely on the grounds that this would have too big a impact on family finances, and, frankly, I've seen similar with teenagers in a similar situation moving to another country in which they think they will feel a sense of belonging/at home-ness, and that not turning out to be the case -- cue the fantasy of finding their place in the world is exploded, major crisis, minor nervous breakdown, student removed at Christmas after some genuinely frightening months for their family abroad.

There's no guarantee that your DD's schoolmates will view her as English, even if she's fluently bilingual, especially if she's never lived there -- and as I said, I've seen other kids be terribly hurt by discovering that the people they thought would unproblematically accept them as one of themselves instead view them, without any malice intended, as 'that new French girl'.

It might end up being a very expensive identity crisis. And the fact that she's not been away from home for longer than ten days, and has some very rose-tinted ideas about England makes that rather more likely, I fear...?

I would, yes. I was off into the world at a very young age and perhaps the wandering bug is in her blood as it seems to be in yours.

Boarding school seems a relatively manageable way for her to test those itchy feet without completely leaving the nest.

No matter what you do someone will have regrets. Perhaps better to regret trying than not.

Trollstice she would fly home for half terms and could go to my parents for the odd weekend, other weekends I could fly over with her brothers... The school is in a nice place to visit... But all adds to the expense obviously...

Gallivespian those are all valid worries and relevant reasons not to do it.