If Your child wanted to board for sixth form and you could afford it, would you let them?

[notnowmaybelater]

We live in the EU outside the UK.

DD was born in the UK, I'm English, DD and has duel citizenship. She hasn't lived in the UK since she was a baby.

DD has been educated in the state system in our non UK country since she was 3. She's currently in the equivalent of year 10 (as in the year before the GCSE equivalents).

She's desperate to go to the UK for 6th form. Staying with family isn't practical (my parents are elderly and live very rurally).

She's eligible for a state boarding school place (parents pay boarding fees of about £10,000 per year, so fairly expensive but far cheaper than a private boarding school).

We can afford this but its not peanuts to us, it's a hefty hit and because there's also be multiple flights per year and other expenses would either mean using savings or cutting out things like family holidays - she's not an only child so cutting holidays would be rather unfair...)

She's currently very, very keen on the idea. She's only been away from home on school trips of maximum 10 days up to now.

There are perfectly good options (equivalent of a grammar school sixth form and a sixth form college) locally to where we live, but she wants to live in the UK...

Would you let your DD board overseas in this situation (1.5 hours flight away). Moving with her isn't an option - two younger children in local schools, work etc.

She'll be only just 16 when she starts sixth form.

Having no personal experience of state boarding but plenty (both currently and in the past) regarding independent schools I’d echo the word of caution from pps - state boarding may not be quite the same experience as is offered (at far greater expense) by the traditional ‘public school’.

In your position I would be inclined to arrange to visit both types of school, just to be sure that what you’re preparing to pay for really does live up to her boarding school fantasy.

My youngest boards and loves it, but I'd frankly be very sceptical of a state boarding school.

If her flight got delayed, then rerouted to a different city, would she be able to cope? What would she do? How would she cope?

Can she actually think for herself and find solutions? Or would she be texting you in a mad panic?

managedmis You do know thousands of foreign based children from eight years old upwards currently attend boarding school in England? None of them, to my knowledge, find themselves lost and abandoned in random, accidental airports! That’s really not the issue.

Boarding at sixth form is perfectly normal - the question facing the OP is whether their particular family circumstances would make this a beneficial move for her daughter or not.

Or, perhaps ‘beneficial and justifiable move’ ...

I think people who emigrate often don't realize their children will feel affinity to their parent's country of birth (sometimes their own too if they left as children) and that it's a bit like having a foot in each country, not easy especially during the teenage years.

Since you can afford it and don't have to pay Uni fees, I'd be tempted to let her but choose a school where it's easy for grandparents/aunts/uncles to visit and attend school events. As well as budget for you to visit a couple times a year and for DD to fly home.

FWIT my cousin's children moved countries several times in their early years (born in EU countries, not UK, moved every couple years due to dad's job until 6 and 4) and then settled in Oz. All children have routinely moved/extended visited the UK multiple times despite only really living hear for a few months (max a year) while waiting for the move to Oz when they were very little. They have a full life in Australia but have this pull to England that can't be ignored. Both would happily live in the UK and I think will do one day. They feel disconnected from their family and origins, and that's kids who don't have the language barriers. Emigration just isn't as simple as we think - I say that as someone whose parents moved outside of the UK for many years and lived in other countries myself for part of my childhood. Just not simple.

here not hear!

I'd also be skeptical of state boarding. Look at all your options.

If you can get a place at somewhere like Peter Symmonds, you’ll be laughing. It’s a fantastic opportunity with very high achievement. I’d pick it over any independent school. Unfortunately places are very hard to come by. Lots go to military serving abroad or Falklands children.

Other state boarding are also very good.
The issue may be that whilst technically eligible, you aren’t at the top of the admission criteria and so may not actually be offered a place.

Great that so many ignorant posters are slating state boarding when they know nothing about it!

Personally I'm very happy to send my DD to an incredible state boarding school that's referred to as the state Eton, but each to their own

I’m certainly not ‘slating’ state boarding schools - I’m well aware that several MN posters who appear regularly on Education threads have children who attend them.

I merely suggested that the OP should take the opportunity to visit state and independent to make an informed decision. What’s wrong with that?

If uni in Scotland continues to be free for EU students, she can go to Scottish uni whether or not she's been to an English boarding school. I'm almost sure that the not-UK country would continue to count as her country of residence, not England.

Both DH and I boarded for sixth form and did International Baccalaureate and both loved it. I would let her go. If she is that keen she may have a great time.

You need to know that you can adored to do n this for your other children if that’s what they want too.

If that’s possible I’d say yes.

Trollstice wouldn't it be handy if they could just do a swap for a year... But your don should be able to go to university in Germany shouldn't he? There are no residency criteria nor overseas fees, anyone who has the right qualifications and standard of German language can go to a German university for free. Or is he limited by A levels?

On the subject of state boarding versus private schools DD doesn't have a boarding school dream, just a dream of going to school in England. She wants to speak English to peers and study in English and have friends around outside school hours. She also wants to play football (she's been playing for our local girls' teams since she was 6 and would continue to if she stayed here) and a school with a girls'/ ladies football team is important to her. She doesn't particularly have an image of a private boarding school in her head.

She's very resourceful and used to being very independent, which is typical of German teenagers and which we've always encouraged. She's navigated airports before, once in charge of her monolingual German grandfather who'd never flown before, and I'm not overly concerned about her flying alone or panicking unduly if a flight was delayed. I am concerned she'll find a state boarding school suffocatingly restrictive and possibly infantalising, if it's really true that sixth formats can't come and go fairly freely within the confines of being home by set times and obviously attending all lessons, and if their time in school outside lessons is organised for them excessively! There's not that much point being in England if she can't explore a bit. Being self motivated and independent and responsible for yourself are expectations of schoolchildren in Germany from very young. This is a concern as it could be a backwards step away from independence to go to an overly regimented school tbh.

The whole idea of aunts and uncles going to school events puts me right off tbh as parents meddle far less in school here, and I really wasn't keen on that whole open day/ sports day/ carol service/ school play side of school life as a pupil myself... DD is not close to any of her her aunts and uncles so it would be pretty weird to try to press gang them into going to her school (what - assemblies? Sportsdays? Certainly not parents evenings).

Peter Symonds as someone mentioned is probably the best fit culturally, partly because it's solely a sixth form, but they don't do international baccalaureate.

For various reasons including but not only financial I'm not going to start looking at private schools. It's state boarding or stay here, which would not only be logistically much easier and cheaper but quite likely both long and short term better for her...

I'm inclining more against the idea of UK boarding than when I started the thread, and than after yesterday's posts, but we'll go and see the school we have in mind.

Tbh if the one school my internet research has narrowed it down to is a bad fit we'll probably scrap the idea. If it's a good fit then she'll apply but also apply for various options here - which was always the plan so as to have room for manoeuvre/ changes of heart. If she's offered a place she'll then have the choice of whether to accept, and if she isn't that makes it easier, and at least she tried...

Being an Au-Pair at 18 might in the end be a more sensible way to live in England for a while!

*don should be son, sixth formats should be sixth formers

Why is your child who is what 15,16 atthe moment so desperate to get away from you?

Tvstar slow hand clap

I live near a highly regarded state boarding school and know students parents and teachers at the school. While I personally wouldn't be keen on boarding for my kids unless they were very determined to go, the boarders at this school seem very happy. The school is multi cultural and international yet very nurturing, and maintains very high academic standards even though the education element is free.

@notnowmaybelater yes he's working hard on his language skills. But neither of us are German so he had no native language help, so it is hard.

He's hoping to take the TestDAf at his school and see if he can manage it. He's having private one to one lessons with a native every week which helps.

BTW, I'd never show him this thread! He'd be totally horrified (as am I a bit!) that someone would want to leave Germany. We were much, much happier there. Children are children for longer in some senses, but also so much more independent.

How about an International school as a compromise, especially if there is a proper boarding one rather than some who use host families. Could then do the IB but in a more English setting. You could perhaps explore options of working in the UK in the summer holidays for people like PGL or similar.

I do know at least 3 youngsters, apart from mine, who came from Europe to the UK for sixth form and nothing in the world would have got them back there for uni. It may solve a problem for now but with bigger issues in the future. There is still Scotland for now for EU students but who knows what the situation will be a few years from now. If you board in the UK you usually need to have someone in the UK as a guardian, that could be used as a residential address maybe?

I am shocked at the comments re drinking in Europe, I’ve always found young adults there to be very responsible. I was in Europe for over 20 years and not once did I see young people staggering around in very little clothing, puking on pavements etc where as I could find that 3 days a week in our very small southern town.

My DS did this for a number of reasons, at his request. It wasn't even on my agenda. He is very robust, strong and socially adaptable but 8 weeks in he crumbled for a few days - because of the change, socially, academically and other things, which was highly out of character. We were very concerned for his mental health - again something that was totally not what we could have predicted. He is fine now, but on reflection we were able to support him through because we were a couple of hours away and not a flight away. I think some can be very assertive and appear sure if themselves at 15-16 in their safe home environment and that is testament to what you have provided for them, but away from home and particularly with other boarders who have known and lived with each other for years, it is a different story and a tough call to adapt . With the distance, personally, I would facilitate extended holiday periods and then encourage the move at uni rather than school age.

Personally I wouldn't even if I could afford it because i think it would give the child the wrong impression about money that it was freely available.

Given she's thrived in the the current environment, itt wouldn't make sense for her to have an adventure because this is what this whole thing is about. She's got her whole life to do that at her own expense. And that is up to her to manage financially.

I think your plan is a really good one OP. Narrowing down to "this or nothing" at least limits the scope and conclusion of the thing. Looking at the state boarding nearest to where we used to live, Ripon Grammar, I can imagine this place is going to be pretty special. Honestly I think if you can give equal amounts to your other children in the future (and make it clear to DD that this is the money that could have been her house deposit or first car!) And she is serious, I'd let her have this experience. You know it will be formative and for that reason I could definitely justify the expense in my own mind.