AIBU to cancel christmas

[Helpmelmaooo]

Back story - DP is an alcoholic
Dc is 2 in two weeks
I’m a stay at home mum and only receive a small amount of tax credits and use most of it to cover food shopping etc. Never spend money on myself and have to ask DP for money for DC and rent etc.
Anyway, at least twice a week DP will just not come home, he’ll be out drinking all night and spend hundreds (and if he doesn’t have the money then he will borrow money from his friends which then impacts the next week as he has to pay it all back). Long story short we are skint, behind on the rent etc etc.
I’ve got a few presents for my DC for her birthday that I’ve bought with my child benefit and any spare cash but nothing for Christmas and to be honest I can’t see us even having money for a tree let alone food and presents.
On top of this I don’t even really feel like having a Christmas just because I feel so depressed and stressed all the time because of the way I’m treated, like I’m not important and like I came off the bottom of someone’s shoe.
Please no judgement, I knowI should just leave. I know I’ll get there in the end but at the moment it’s extremely hard as I’m pregnant with my second and my first is still young and it’s hard to deal with everything, not sure how I’d cope on my own!
I just feel like crying every time I think about Christmas, I know I’d spend the day cooking and cleaning up after everyone and wouldn’t get to sit down, I’d have to watch everyone opening presents (if we could afford any in the first place) and no one would bother getting me one because I’m clearly not important enough
Not sure what question I’m asking here really I guess is just like a kind word or something, I’m really struggling

Op, give yourself and your dc the best Christmas present by leaving. At 2 they won't be very aware of his behaviour but it is still impacting, the quicker the better - contact the relevant agencies for your options locally or is their family/friends who could help out at first. Ensure all your important documents are somewhere safe aware from your house before you leave just in case

"My total amount from UC would be £1480- housing £997 standard allowance £251 and then £231 for my DC.
My rent is £1200 (London rate). That would leave me 280 a month to live on. Our gas and electric is £70 per month, council tax £136 (although this would be reduced to next to nothing as I would get council tax support) £12 water £20 internet and then the food shop. So it’s just not affordable."

It would leave you with £150 per month for food, that is doable and certainly at a level better than "Me and dc had toast for dinner that night until we could get to the shops in the morning and then I had to take money out of my rent pot"

When I was 20 I was with a guy who was an alcoholic. I managed to leave him. He had a few girlfriends after me and the abuse got even worse for them.

He finally stopped drinking at age 44.

If you don't leave your partner now, you could have years and years of it getting worse before he sees the light. Or maybe he will never see the light.

Just get out. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it.

@Helpmelmaooo, yes but your work situation is now, not in three years time.

You know what life could look like if you leave, a lot better than now, but who knows what life will look like if you stay.

Your child isn't having a Christmas. How low do you have to sink before you'll wake up to your situation.

Dear poster - I have was married to an alcoholic for 5 years and left him 4 years ago when his behaviour became aggressive towards me.

I understand your pain with regards to money. It killed me how much money just disappears and as long as they get to go drinking it doesn't matter what this does to you. Getting drunk is their priority.

A coupe of thinks will change - you will leave him or he will recognise he needs help.

I too remember miserable christmases with an alcoholic and buying my own present to myself and never having money in January. Or the end of each month.

Good luck my dear and start looking for escape options.

You said your parents live about an hour away but are working on christmas - rather than cancelling christmas could you rearrange christmas - your daughter is young enough that she wouldn't know but you could have a 'christmas' with your parents on a day other than the 25th (and you could explain it to them as wanting to celebrate with them)

Sorry you are having such a tough time

Problem with alcoholics is that they have to accept that have a problem and seek help, otherwise, it won't change. If he won't do that, it's hopeless.

I know your parents are working but could you go and stay at their place over Christmas? Or from now if you can? Please tell them the situation -most parents would be horrified is their child was going through this.

In all honesty, in your shoes, I'd pack you and your daughter up while he is out and go to your parents. Sort the rest after.

Don't worry about not having much for Christmas - your daughter is too young to notice yet.

I think there's an awful lot we've not been privy too here. If the OP managed to spend 300+ on a Playstation plus games plus other things only in October, she's surely got more coming in than a few tax credits.

You should not be ashamed. He is the only one doing anything wrong. Please find the courage to tell your family.

For Christmas, make it all about your dd. You don’t need to host anyone. Just celebrate with her. Bake a treat. Serve her favorite meal even if that is just pasta and cheese or something simple and cheap. Save one of her birthday gifts for Christmas or just wrap something you need To buy anyway.

Any valuables or non essential electronic stuff you could sell?
Every penny can help

Ah x posted with dickedavis
Maybe you could sell the console and games
Bet that would go well at this time of year

I know I’d spend the day cooking and cleaning up after everyone and wouldn’t get to sit down, I’d have to watch everyone opening presents (if we could afford any in the first place) and no one would bother getting me one

Will there be other people joining you for Christmas Day? Perhaps you could go to their house

You need to put your kids first and you aren’t doing that. You need to take control of this situation before you have a small baby and things are even more complicated

Stop ignoring the comments and speak to your parents. Your DP isn’t going to magically change and your priority must be getting your kids out of the situation and looked after and fed.

Even with small DCs there are ways of making of making a bit of extra cash which you can get to later.

Op i was in a very similar situation last year. Only ex was doing drugs. I'm now free of him
My life is so much easier and about to have my first proper Xmas in years. It was hard at first especially admiting to everyone who had believed everything was great. Once you get over that you see the fact you can actually ask people for help ! Your life will be easier looking after 2 kids and yourself instead of stressing about your partner. If you leave now it will be a lot better for you and your kids there is support out there citenzed's advice great place to start . Good luck . Rememberyou are doing this for your kids

Just incase no one else has said it...

NOT EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET IS TRUE

Reported for MN HQ to investigate.

Andy they've already commented a few pages back

Hi everyone
Just thought I would update, I’ve read through all the comments again a few times and really had a think. I waited for him to go to work, put all of his things in the front garden then called the police as soon as he knocked in the evening. The house is only in my name so I couldn’t move and leave him here as he wouldn’t pay the rent and the landlord would come after me for the money, he’s gone to stay with his mum now. I had a termination last week which was absolutely heart breaking but for the best, now me and dc are just trying to settle down for Christmas. We will still be alone and have nothing but al least we will be in peace.
For those asking about the PlayStation for his birthday, I had the money from a refund I was due combined with some money I had saved for a few months and just wanted to make things good I suppose. Yes the baby was planned, I wanted another baby and when we started trying he had promised me things would be better and he would stop drinking and I stupidly believed it, so for anyone saying that this post isn’t true, sadly I wish it wasn’t but it is. But it’s sorted now, thanks for all your comments x

It's great to hear you took positive steps after posting on here. You can focus on your daughter and yourself and start to build a new and happier life.

Glad you’ve taken steps to get rid of him. Sending you a massive hug, this time next year things will be so different and you’ll be so greatful you got rid of that waste of space. Take him to CSA also, they’ll make him pay for DC if he refuses. Hope you enjoy your Christmas with DC. Xx

Well done! How are you feeling? It’s great that you are taking back control (not in a brexit way 😄)

You’ve been incredibly strong. Well done OP!

Child is too young to understand
Christmas and won't remember. Get rid of him quick time he's ruining your happiness

@Andysbestadventure yup, still don’t quite believe it .

I hope this is the start of a great new life for you OP.

How strong you are @Helpmelmaooo. 💐 here’s to a happier and healthier 2020 🥂