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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has flipped help

160 replies

StressedTonightHelp · 27/11/2019 21:52

Please give me some advice.

My wonderful DH (together 13 years, married 10) has always been my rock. Calm, kind, sensitive.

To ight he co.pletely lost it with DS on a night when DS was already vulnerable and needing mummy for other reasons. He shouted and I've never heard him shout before.

I'd been looking forward to him coming home as he'd texted me earlier to say he'd bought ingredients to make me dinner. I thought we'd have a lovely night. But he's been foul since he got home.

Jus now he lost it again, ranting about how he's a bad father (he's not). But I've never ever seen him like this before and I'm a bit scared to be honest.

He is always so calm. He's been looking awful for a purple of weeks, very thin and gaunt and I've been asking him to go to the doctor. I don't know what to do.

Any tips?

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedTonightHelp · 27/11/2019 21:53

Sorry - typos..

Tonight
Completely
Couple (not purple)

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedTonightHelp · 27/11/2019 21:57

Anyone? (I'm sitting in our bedroom trying not to cry and staying away from him. I'm feeling so anxious and scared. Don't know what I'm scared of, but I've never seen him like this)

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 27/11/2019 21:59

Let it all calm down.
Talk to him tomorrow.
Hand hold here Flowers

Randomname85 · 27/11/2019 21:59

Sorry OP I don’t have advise but bumping for you Flowers

SinkGirl · 27/11/2019 22:00

Oh I’m so sorry, how awful for you. Sounds like this is completely out of character and that there’s other things going on with weight loss etc - has he been under a lot of stress or has something bad happened? Not defending it, but as you say it’s totally out of character for so long it sounds like something is going on here.

Cryalot2 · 27/11/2019 22:00

Could he have depression?

Do you think you may be in danger?
I think you need a calm chat once ds is in bed and you will not be interupted.
If you are scared and think you or ds may be in danger call womans aid.

hammeringinmyhead · 27/11/2019 22:01

Can you be honest and tell him he's frightening you? If he's normally ok that might slap some sense into him.

Teachermaths · 27/11/2019 22:01

Talk to him if you can?

If not try texting.

If you're worried for your safety call the police.

curlykaren · 27/11/2019 22:02

Do you think perhaps he suspects he is ill but is too reluctant to go to the doctor?

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 27/11/2019 22:03

Is your ds ok? Are you safe?!

RedLemon · 27/11/2019 22:03

Give him a bit of space to calm before talking to him. Do you feel safe? Any worries that he might harm himself or any of you?
Sorry to ask this too but do you think there any chance he might be misusing drugs??
Either way it sounds like he needs help but I would make sure you and the DC are safe before making an attempt to speak to him about what’s going on and what has him talking like this. Is there anyone you could call for support if you needed it?

Honeyroar · 27/11/2019 22:03

Can you go round to someone else’s for the night if you’re that scared (obviously with your child)? Then ring him tomorrow and insist he goes to the doctor?

covetingthepreciousthings · 27/11/2019 22:04

Hand hold op Thanks

Has he got any stress at work? Or he could be worried about his ill health.

EightiesBaby · 27/11/2019 22:08

He's obviously going through a breakdown but you don't know the cause...urge him to call in sick to work tomorrow and talk it out xxx

BlackSwanGreen · 27/11/2019 22:08

Sounds like he is ill or very stressed about something. Hope you are ok Flowers

mrscampbellblackagain · 27/11/2019 22:10

He needs to go to the Dr if he has lost weight etc - could be thyroid/diabetes etc.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 27/11/2019 22:13

Stay away until he calms down, then tomorrow tell him his shouting and behaviour really frightened you

He needs to know

Make sure he understands how bad it was

Was drink involved?

TinyTornado · 27/11/2019 22:13

I would be thinking anxiety and depression- anxiety can definitely cause the weight loss as happened to my OH.
Could you sit with him and try to reassure him. It sounds like his emotions have been bottled up for a while and come spilling out frightening and upsetting you both.
Would advise getting appointment with Doctor tomorrow, and perhaps some counselling to help him manage his feelings.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 27/11/2019 22:13

Hand hold here, OP. Something is obviously very worrying to him - perhaps his job, or his health. Whatever it is, hope you can get it out of him. Stay calm. Stay safe. Perhaps text and tell him that whatever it is, you can get through it together.

Flowers
Obviouspretzel · 27/11/2019 22:15

He needs your help, he's obviously having some kind of difficulty and instead of discussing it when he has been your rock for 13 years , you're posting online about being scared of him. Maybe he needs someone to be his rock.

anothernamejeeves · 27/11/2019 22:15

Problems at work or an affair would be my guess
Can you check his social media?

vivacian · 27/11/2019 22:16

I agree with it sounding like a break down.

Obviouspretzel · 27/11/2019 22:16

Check his social media? Wow.

Justaboy · 27/11/2019 22:23

Bet the poor sod has a medical problem and can't or hasnt felt he could share it with you? Or maybne thinbs he does have a problem and won't or can't bring himslef to see or consult a doctor.

May possibly be a drugs issue but doubt it somehow. I'd put money on it being medical and possibley work related.

Try as best you can to talk to him say that you feel he has a problem and he's a good dad and husband but its not the way he normally behaves etc. He's your rock, now you may well have to be his!

Hope the outcome is better!

NotStayingIn · 27/11/2019 22:24

You know him better then us. Is he the sort of person when really stressed / ill would normally like to be alone or seek company?

Go with whatever you think will work best for him right now. Either way, tonight is not the time to try and ‘tackle’ this. Get through the night best you can and then try and talk to him tomorrow. Hope you are your child are save. We’re here if you want to talk.