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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has flipped help

160 replies

StressedTonightHelp · 27/11/2019 21:52

Please give me some advice.

My wonderful DH (together 13 years, married 10) has always been my rock. Calm, kind, sensitive.

To ight he co.pletely lost it with DS on a night when DS was already vulnerable and needing mummy for other reasons. He shouted and I've never heard him shout before.

I'd been looking forward to him coming home as he'd texted me earlier to say he'd bought ingredients to make me dinner. I thought we'd have a lovely night. But he's been foul since he got home.

Jus now he lost it again, ranting about how he's a bad father (he's not). But I've never ever seen him like this before and I'm a bit scared to be honest.

He is always so calm. He's been looking awful for a purple of weeks, very thin and gaunt and I've been asking him to go to the doctor. I don't know what to do.

Any tips?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 28/11/2019 00:53

What TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead said.

Tell him he needs to go to the GP for a thorough checkup.

Why is he saying he is a bad father?

Nat6999 · 28/11/2019 00:56

Knowing men, he has probably had a shit day at work, had to sit on his anger all day, been stuck in traffic on the way home, like a bottle of fizzy pop that has been shaken up all day, the top has to come off somewhere. Men often don't like talking about feelings & bottle things up, the snack & a drink was meant to be a way of showing care & maybe helping him calm down so that they could talk sensibly later on.

FelixFelicis6 · 28/11/2019 00:57

Make sure you and your son are ok but can you sit down together at a quiet moment and go through things?

TooManyGlasses · 28/11/2019 01:03

My DH was having mood swings and losing weight for months. With diarrhoea on and off. Eventually he went to the GP, though I practically had to force him. Turned out he had something physical wrong with him and was in a really bad way by that time because he’d let it go on so long. Luckily it was fairly easily sortable once he had a diagnosis, but it was a horrible, horrible few months and affected us all badly. Don’t let it get that bad! Catch him in a moment where his mood is relatively normal and tell him he has to see the GP and get every blood test going so you can get your lovely husband back.
Flowers

BillHadersNewWife · 28/11/2019 01:04

Nat oh do go away with your weirdly 1950s shite.

Knowing men, he has probably had a shit day at work, had to sit on his anger all day, been stuck in traffic on the way home, like a bottle of fizzy pop that has been shaken up all day, the top has to come off somewhere

What utter shit.

Men are adults...like women...and it's NOT acceptable for them to lose their temper. My husband certainly talks about his feelings and so do other men. They're not toddlers!

mathanxiety · 28/11/2019 01:30

Men, clearly from another planet...

mathanxiety · 28/11/2019 01:30

Or maybe another species...

1forAll74 · 28/11/2019 01:38

You initially said, that your Husband,lost his cool,with your son. but did not say why. But otherwise, can you not think of other reasons that he has suddenly changed,mood wise.

BillHadersNewWife · 28/11/2019 01:38

Clearly. Nat must be busy putting her husband to bed in his cradle.

SuperMumTum · 28/11/2019 01:43

My brother's behaviour was out of character for a long time, we all complained about him having a breakdown, make menopause etc but it turned out he had (has) a very serious medical condition. Sounds like your DH needs to see a GP.

Prevegen4U · 28/11/2019 02:04

Men are actually very different than women.

BillHadersNewWife · 28/11/2019 02:06

Prevegen No...really?? I had no idea! Hmm Doesn't mean they have to be babied or excused for unacceptable or aggressive behaviour.

NorthEndGal · 28/11/2019 02:38

Those are pretty worrisome signs, for sure have him speak to his gp

Nat6999 · 28/11/2019 03:21

I'm a single parent, wouldn't have a man in my life again if you paid me, but I can see he is acting out of character, in these days where firms are going bust left right & centre, he could be worried about losing his job & how they will manage to pay the bills or he could have a health worry. If she goes stamping off & ignores him it isn't going to sort things out.

JoannaObrien · 28/11/2019 04:03

@StressedTonightHelp

He sounds like he is suffering with stress and I would advise him to see a Doctor. Most men get like this my husband has a very stressful job and came in the other evening and went mad because there was Christmas paper on the floor (I was wrapping presents) He said the house looks a bloody tip! please tidy this up now! My response was to tell him to bugga off and eat his dinner.

ScreamingLadySutch · 28/11/2019 05:41

Do you pander to your DS? Is DS the centre of the household?

Time for an honest talk with DH, where you are prepared to hear a few things you don't like,

and to be your husband's rock for a change, OP

AngelsOnHigh · 28/11/2019 06:48

ScreamingLadySutch. I'm wondering the same thing.

Vulnerable DS needs mummy. DH texting that he's purchased ingredients to make dinner ?

How old is DS?

Sounds as though DH needs a rock to lean on.

Havaina · 28/11/2019 06:50

Has op Not been back?

OP, your and DS's safety is more important than anything else. It's more important than DH's health and his stress.

He needs to get help. If he refuses, and doesn't understand that what happened last night can't happen again, then you need to leave him.

Abuse in marriage can start at any time. Just because he was not abusive for years does not mean that he isn"t abusive now. Your priority has to be DS and yourself.

TidyDancer · 28/11/2019 06:55

I don't think there's enough information in the OP to be able to advise here tbh. I do think you need to have a very serious calm conversation with your DH because clearly something is going on in your family that's not right.

ChestnutSmoothie · 28/11/2019 06:56

Nat oh do go away with your weirdly 1950s shite

I don’t see any “weirdly 1950s shite”. What I do see is yet another unnecessarily aggressive and unpleasant response to someone else’s response.

Men and women DO often react differently to stress. Pointing that out is not “weird 1950s shite”.

ChestnutSmoothie · 28/11/2019 06:58

Also, where do you get off telling someone else to “go away”, BillHader?

Loveislandaddict · 28/11/2019 07:09

Op - how are things this morning? Thinking of you.

billybagpuss · 28/11/2019 07:22

Hope you are all ok op

Havaina · 28/11/2019 07:33

I agree with @BillHadersNewWife

The number of people trying to excuse the H's behaviour or telling OP how to manage it is shocking. Get him a snack because he is hangry?!

OP is SCARED of him. No one should ever have to be scared of their partner. Feeding him a snack will not help her.

Quartz2208 · 28/11/2019 07:36

If this is totally out of character seek medical advice and help she could be having a breakdown