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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has flipped help

160 replies

StressedTonightHelp · 27/11/2019 21:52

Please give me some advice.

My wonderful DH (together 13 years, married 10) has always been my rock. Calm, kind, sensitive.

To ight he co.pletely lost it with DS on a night when DS was already vulnerable and needing mummy for other reasons. He shouted and I've never heard him shout before.

I'd been looking forward to him coming home as he'd texted me earlier to say he'd bought ingredients to make me dinner. I thought we'd have a lovely night. But he's been foul since he got home.

Jus now he lost it again, ranting about how he's a bad father (he's not). But I've never ever seen him like this before and I'm a bit scared to be honest.

He is always so calm. He's been looking awful for a purple of weeks, very thin and gaunt and I've been asking him to go to the doctor. I don't know what to do.

Any tips?

OP posts:
ThatsMeInTheSpotlight · 28/11/2019 09:40

The point is that none of us know what 'flipped out' means or what he did to their DS or what his DS did in the first place. We can all project whatever we like on to this but there's not enough facts to know whether he's ill, abusive, violent, or stressed. And it seems OP isn't coming back.

Span1elsRock · 28/11/2019 09:41

I think you need to stop asking him to go to the GP and starting demanding.

This is out of character, and something to be investigated sooner rather than later.

Flowers
Motoko · 28/11/2019 09:43

I'm one of the first to call abuse on threads, but this doesn't look like abuse.
This looks more like he's ill, or he's got something majorly stressful going on, that he's hidden from OP, and he's just blown.

Anyway, OP hasn't come back, so all we can do is hope she's ok.

Taibhse · 28/11/2019 09:50

All the posters diagnosing him with this that and the other when the op hasn't given any context whatsoever as to what actually occured Hmm

AlternativePerspective · 28/11/2019 09:57

All those who jump straight to calling someone an abuser/suggesting they’re having an affair at the slightest issue really must have anxious lives. How on earth do you live knowing in your heart of hearts that all men are abusers?

No, we don’t have the exact context with regards to what happened, so anything medical etc is impossible to pin down, but the fact that OP has been with him for thirteen years and this is completely out of character would suggest that this is more likely to be medical/emotional rather than anything sinister.

RockinHippy · 28/11/2019 10:24

I meant to add.

My DM was diabetic & in the earlier years before diagnosis & treatment, she flipped out on my younger self a couple of times. She was practically frothing at the mouth & just being really vile. It was really scary to see & even scarier to be on the receiving end of it. I'd recommend sitting your DS down & explaining that as daddy isn't usually a bad man, that you are worried that he's ill or overwhelmed & that your going to fix it & get him to go to the doctor for treatment. Get his DF to sit him down & apologise fir his outburst, say it was wrong & that he's going to see the doctor as he frightened himself too. Reassure DS that it could be something easy to treat & for him to get better from

I hope you are all okay today & he's getting help
Good luck

Mordred · 28/11/2019 10:41

Hope you're ok OP.

Just as a heads up, some years ago I started to snap and snarl at poor DW and DS, which was completely out of character for me. I was suffering dreadful stress at work as I was failing at a job I had loved, had a brain full of cotton wool and unable to concentrate on anything. I was so bad I was under disciplinary procedures after being a good worker previously. I was losing weight hand over fist and people at work were commenting on how ill and pale and thin looked. I felt I was breaking down completely and couldn't cope with anything

Dr diagnosed severe anaemia and I was on iron tablets which helped a bit, then another GP at the practice decided it was something else and sent me to hospital for tests. Turned out to be bowel cancer which was causing the anaemia and weight loss. It was caught just in time. Another few months and I'd have had it.

Not saying your DH has this and there are other things such as diabetes which PP have mentioned, but DO get your DH to go to the doctor.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 28/11/2019 10:42

Maybe it's just stress.
I know everyone on MN is a perfect parent, but out in the real world, parents (including mums) get to the end of their tether, lose it and shout at their kids.
There are often posts about people seeing women shouting at their kids in public and the response is always "you're only seeing a snapshot, you don't know what's going on in their life".
Rereading the OP, he shouted at his son. Um, lots of people do. And then was in a bad mood with himself for doing so.

NoSauce · 28/11/2019 10:44

Odd how the OP was keen to have people respond then she disappears Confused

Confusedbeetle · 28/11/2019 10:49

I was thinking the same

saraclara · 28/11/2019 10:53

Odd how the OP was keen to have people respond then she disappears

My husband had a breakdown. For 48 hours there was no way I could post on a forum.

Jeeze. If she continued posting people would be saying "what are you doing posting - you need to be with him/sorting this out/calling a doctor"

GiveHerHellFromUs · 28/11/2019 10:55

Odd how the OP was keen to have people respond then she disappears

She asked for help when she was desperate. She owes us nothing.

NoSauce · 28/11/2019 11:00

If she continued posting people would be saying "what are you doing posting - you need to be with him/sorting this out/calling a doctor"

I don’t expect anyone to continue posting.
I just find it odd that the OP bumped her thread wanting attention and then disappears.

Cosmos45 · 28/11/2019 11:03

@NoSauce - I agree with you.. It seems odd that the OP has completely disappeared to me without so much as a quick update..

newdeer · 28/11/2019 11:14

OP I haven't read the full thread but filthy temper and sudden wieght loss can be a symptom of Type 1 diabetes left untreated. May not be that but a very close relative had this and these were two very notable symptoms.
Please encouarge him to go to the doctor or at least buy a home blood sugar test. They are easy to get from any main chemist and not too expensive.

AlternativePerspective · 28/11/2019 11:15

@noSauce plus she either took the time to join mn which makes no sense in the heat of upset, or she namechanged with a name designed to grab attention.

I don’t think that OP’s owe immediate updates, but when someone posts in apparent desperation and keeps bumping the thread until replies come in and then disappears people are going to wonder what that’s about.

MidnightMystery · 28/11/2019 11:23

Hi OP ,

I hope you are ok and you have spoken to your OH Thanks

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/11/2019 11:29

If she continued posting people would be saying "what are you doing posting - you need to be with him/sorting this out/calling a doctor

An out of hours doctor or A&E won’t do anything.

Just make an appointment with the normal GP in the morning.

We were at a friends house when they noticed the weight Dp had lost and together with a couple of other symptoms immediately recognised type 1 diabetes.

We went to A&E when we got back and was told to wait till Monday and make an appointment with our GP on Monday

It is apparently not that much of a deal so you won’t get treated as an emergency

Original poster
StressedTonightHelp · 28/11/2019 17:38

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am sorry I didn't reply straight away until now. It was a long night and stressful and I'm sorry I forgot about mumsnet as things escalated.

I think he's I'll and we had a long discussion about it. He has promised to go to the doctor. He seemed a bit better this morning and went to work.

Thank you. I really appreciate the responses and am sorry I didn't reply sooner, it was kind everyone to reply. Queenrollo - thank you. I am worried about something major happening to DH, he truly looks awful, so gaunt. Hopefully he'll get to the GP before any serious health complication/heart attack etc.. happens.

Thank you mumsnet

OP posts:
Loveislandaddict · 28/11/2019 18:12

Glad things are better today. I would be tempted to ask him if it’s okay for you to make the appointment for him, as men are notoriously bad at making doctor’s appointments.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 28/11/2019 18:59

I hesitate to say this but I think you would be wise to go with him. Partly because he may forget to say important symptoms but also because (sorry) men often tend towards the ‘I’m fine’ answer to the question ‘how are you’.

MementoMemory · 28/11/2019 19:17

Good to hear your update and hope the doctor can help.

I've also name changed because I more often hang around the fun threads on this site and I don't want this post associated with me. For what it's worth, I've also had an outward personality change this year although. In my case, it's been from the organised one to being passive and useless. It's not because I've been hiding a lazy person all this time. It's because I'm ill, which I've only recently discovered. I hope to be back to normal fairly soon.

The people who call "abuse" and "LTB" on these sort of threads on no other evidence than some out of character behaviour really do not help and seriously need to take a long, hard look at themselves and their need for drama. I speak from experience as I was on the receiving end of some insistent "LTBs" several years ago. We talked our issue out sensibly, in the end. We're still together and life and our relationship is good.

Porpoises · 28/11/2019 19:20

Absolutely get him to the gp - a sudden personality change can be due to all sorts of medical conditions.

Flowers
namina · 28/11/2019 19:23

Awful 😩u really need to try and persuade him to go to the doctors. It sounds like he's having a break down or could be other underlying issues. I really hope he gets sorted

ashtrayheart · 28/11/2019 19:32

I hope you are both ok OP, let us know how he gets on if you can x