Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has flipped help

160 replies

StressedTonightHelp · 27/11/2019 21:52

Please give me some advice.

My wonderful DH (together 13 years, married 10) has always been my rock. Calm, kind, sensitive.

To ight he co.pletely lost it with DS on a night when DS was already vulnerable and needing mummy for other reasons. He shouted and I've never heard him shout before.

I'd been looking forward to him coming home as he'd texted me earlier to say he'd bought ingredients to make me dinner. I thought we'd have a lovely night. But he's been foul since he got home.

Jus now he lost it again, ranting about how he's a bad father (he's not). But I've never ever seen him like this before and I'm a bit scared to be honest.

He is always so calm. He's been looking awful for a purple of weeks, very thin and gaunt and I've been asking him to go to the doctor. I don't know what to do.

Any tips?

OP posts:
overnightangel · 27/11/2019 22:31

@anothernamejeeves

“Problems at work or an affair would be my guess
Can you check his social media?”

Oh for fucks sake Angry

Loveislandaddict · 27/11/2019 22:32

Hope you are safe and well.

He’s obviously worried about something And is nput is bottling it up.

Can you book a doctors appointment in the morning rather than leaving it up for him to make it? If not an actual appointment, book a telephone appointment for your husband.

Is something going on at work? Facing redundancy for whatever reason?

Hope you get it sorted in the morning.

theemmadilemma · 27/11/2019 22:34

Scared of him, or for him right now?

It sounds like he's normally very calm, and just the shouting has made you feel uneasy but more scared for him?

It does sound like there's a major stress suddenly happening.

Ineedaweeinpeace · 27/11/2019 22:34

Get him to the gp my friends husband had something like this mood swings she wasn’t accustomed to and lost lots of weight turns out he was diabetic x

They’re stronger than ever now x

Yoollyball · 27/11/2019 22:34

He has a big worry niggling away.

endofthelinefinally · 27/11/2019 22:36

Could be a thyroid problem. Would he check his pulse or allow you to check it?
Overactive thyroid can cause rapid weight loss and agitation plus a fast heart rate.

WorraLiberty · 27/11/2019 22:37

You forgot to say why he flipped?

How old is your child, OP?

CaptainNelson · 27/11/2019 22:37

If you can, show him some support and understanding. I'd agree that this seems to be some kind of breakdown (whether big or small, hard to say) and he needs someone to listen. But if you're scared for your own safety, maybe you need to wait till morning.
Good luck OP

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 27/11/2019 22:40

How old is ds ?

saraclara · 27/11/2019 22:44

How old is your child, and is he okay?

And yes, it sounds like some sort of breakdown. When you feel that he's calmer you need to very calmly ask him what's wrong.

BlueSuffragette · 27/11/2019 22:44

Has something happened at his work that has made him highly stressed? It seems your child has been the outlet for his anger but not necessarily the cause. You need to keep yourself and your DC safe tonight and talk at length with DH about the cause and potential next steps to help solve the problem. He may need support from professionals starting with the GP.

saraclara · 27/11/2019 22:46

You're in the bedroom. Where is he? And what is he doing?

Gamechange · 27/11/2019 22:46

I would let him know you are available if he wants to talk. Reassure him that he isnt a bad father and that you all love him. Ask him what would help him right now I.e does he need some space? Does he want a cuddle? Allow him to be vulnerable if he needs that. Do not judge him or make it about you. At the same time if you are genuinely scared it might work better to rephrase it as he appears out of character and you want to help him but you dont want shouting especially not around the children.

Stay safe and try to keep him safe too. Sounds like he has reached breaking point over something but he will talk when he is ready.

icelollies · 27/11/2019 22:46

Sounds like he is sick and you are scared for him, not of him.
He’s your husband, go and look after him!

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/11/2019 22:47

Does he act like he is drunk.

I say this because Dp showed the same symptoms just before he was diagnosed as type 1 diabetic.

mummmy2017 · 27/11/2019 22:49

Blood sugars,Doctors ASAP

Newbie1999 · 27/11/2019 22:50

Why did he flip, OP? Hope you’re ok.

U2HasTheEdge · 27/11/2019 22:52

When you say he flipped and lost it, what do you mean by that?

If you feel you or your children are at risk of harm please get to a place of safety/ call 999. Or are you more scared of what is happening to him as opposed to being scared he is going to hurt you?

wafflyversatile · 27/11/2019 22:53

If this is genuinely unusual for him then maybe it is something medical.

U2HasTheEdge · 27/11/2019 22:53

And yes, what is he doing now?

Legoandloldolls · 27/11/2019 22:53

Try to remember this is out of character. He is unlikely to harm you or ds after 13 years. Once hes calmed down ask if hes ok. If he still seems agitated I would go to bed and leave it for tonight.

If he goes into work then text him what you have said here. Hes scared you, hes not himself, you need him to go to the gp and be honest with you.

Hand hold. If you feel uneasy say so and sleep in with ds. Nothing looks good late at night in these situations. Leave it until the morning

RhubarbTea · 27/11/2019 22:54

He could have a physical medical problem which is affecting his personality, or he could be having a mental health crisis/breakdown. What is most important is that you and DS feel safe. If you do not feel safe, is there a friends house you could go to tonight, or do you feel that keeping out of his way while remaining in the same house is enough? I'm so sorry, I know how shocking and frightening this must be for you. Hope you and DS are okay.

BooHaa · 27/11/2019 22:55

You posted several times minutes apart an now no update for an hour. Let people know you're safe!

Letthemysterybe · 27/11/2019 22:57

I hope you are ok OP. I’d try to get some
sleep and deal with it in the morning. It’s hard to talk properly when it’s late and your tired and emotions are running high.
My money would be on him being worried about his own health and being too scared to talk about it or go to the doctors.

BillHadersNewWife · 27/11/2019 22:57

No use telling her off!

Swipe left for the next trending thread