Cooking for another woman's husband

[popsydoodle4444]

Need to get this off my chest.

There's a back story so trying to some it up.DH's BF=married female.She hates me.She'd rather I was out of the way.Seems to think DH is hers and encourages problems in our marriage.

Seems to think I'm a neglectful wife,likes to tell me my house is a shithole and my husband hates coming home.

My DH spends far too much time there and stays over.We have had numerous massive arguments about the intimate nature of their relationship,him staying over,dodging his responsibilities at home and hiding there,him oversharing details of our marriage that's no one else's business and her shitty attitude towards me.

Her DH just goes along with whatever she does.I have a sickening suspicion that my her&my DH have also crossed the friendship line.I don't trust her as far as I can chuck her.She walked out on her ex&their kids for her current DH.

The tensions this causes in our relationship resulted in a temporary separation earlier this year.

Hubby stayed there again last night under the pretence of doing some work for them last night/today.He as usual has acted like myself&our kids don't exist for the last 24 hours which is what he does when he's there.Its complete radio silence from him.

Today I've been trying to pin him down about coming home and he won't give me a definitive answer.My Teen DD called her dad as her dad going off like this makes her anxious and asked him when he's coming home and his reply was he's going to have dinner then come home later.

This means that his BF rather than telling him to go home to his family and eat with me is cooking him dinner and encouraging him to loiter.

This has really infuriated me and I snapped and told him that if she's cooking his dinner then why not let her have a few more of my wifely duties like getting to wash his skid marks out of his underwear and swallowing a mouthful of his semen (that's the polite term I didn't use) and I told him that tonight they've both crossed a boundary.

AIBU in expecting him to do the normal thing of coming home from work to his wife for dinner for instead of continuing to leave me alone with our Children in our home whilst ignoring me.

My friends and family think he's a fool who's serving his own selfish needs and I should take the kids and move out as their all fed up with the way he treats his family.

Thanks for reading,it makes me feel better to just let it all out.

[carly2803]

my god, throw him out. they are absolutely shagging. sorry OP

[CoolCarrie]

Seriously put all his stuff, dirty washing and all, into black bags and send everything over the “friends” For all you know the other couple could be swingers so anything goes with them. For your children’s sake and your own , end this bizarre set up now, you and your family deserve better than his disgusting treatment of you.

[CoolCarrie]

Dont let him back in to your home, don’t leave him, throw him out!

[Chloemol]

Have some self respect. You separated, have tried again, he has not changed. Pack all his things into bags, pay a taxi to take them to his friends, text him and tell him what you have done and you don’t want to see him again, all contact to be via a solicitor whilst you sort the divorce and move on

[Windygate]

Stop doing the Pick Me Dance. Find your self respect and dump him

[Frankola]

Wow. Just wow.
Pack his stuff and send it to her house in a taxi.
Get rid of him.

[SimpleAndPlanned]

At the very least he is a total arsehole who is enjoying having two women fight over him and neglecting his child and wife.

At the worst he's having a clear affair under your nose.

Your child needs to know what is going on and he needs out the door. Chuck him out.

[Sunflower20]

Fucking hell. I'd divorce him within a heartbeat. He has zero respect for you and zero sense of responsibility, an utterly shit husband.

[Mailista]

It's so easy to say 'chuck him out', 'bag his stuff up', 'change the locks', 'file for divorce' etc, when you're not the one doing it.

The OP's relationship with her husband has obviously gone very badly wrong. We don't know why, and probably the OP and her husband don't know why, either.

From what we know, it would seem to be terminal, and it would seem that permanent separation is the only realistic solution.

You can't, however, just boot someone out of their own house, however much you want to. Divorce/separation is long and expensive and at the very least emotionally draining (it was far worse than that for me, and I had better reasons for leaving XH than him having an affair, either emotional or otherwise).

So while it's the right decision for a lot of people (and for the OP, to judge only on the things she has told us here), it needs to be approached rationally and clearly, not in a 'chuck the bastard out', knee-jerk way. Life is not that straightforward. There needs to be a considered exit plan, and anyone contemplating this also needs to know what the financial situation would be before steaming into anything.

[HeavenlyEyes]

I agree - affair in plain sight. No idea why you and the husband are tolerating this utter nonsense.

[OverByYer]

Your family are wrong. He’s not a fool, you are.
Sorry that is harsh but no way should be tolerating this.

[CherryPlum]

Your husband has a girlfriend.

Surely it's time for you to end it with him?

[Wonkybanana]

OP if you're still prepared to give him a blow job despite everything he's doing, it suggests that you still have feelings for him. But you're not being fair to yourself, and more importantly to the DCs by not doing anything about it. At best this is an emotional affair, and no-one here would be surprised if it's also physical.

Do you know if her DH works away a lot (even if your DH tells you he doesn't to throw you off the scent)?

Although she delights in putting you down, has she made it clear she won't leave her DH for yours? (With the thrill of having two men at her beck and call.)

And he has the benefit of some sort of a relationship with her, he knows you're unhappy but yet he still gets all the benefits of being married to you too. Talk about having his cake and eating it.

LTB is much easier to say than do. But you need to do it, to spare your DCs the anguish and anxiety even if you can't bring yourself to do it for you. And in the meantime stop doing anything for him, anything at all. See of he can get her to pick up the slack. And if he can't, tough.

[MsDogLady]

The previous separation had no effect on your H. He is still prioritizing OW over you. He feels entitled to cheat and to come & go as he pleases, treating you and DD like dirt on his shoe.

Find your dignity and stop tolerating this despicable man’s contemptuous attitude and behavior. This is a horrible relationship model to show your DD. Kick him out ASAP.

[ChristmasAngst]

When he comes back put a smile on your face and don't give him any grief over it. Why, because you need to keep our powder dry. You need to plan your exit for your best interests. You need to stop trying to save your marriage (because he is abusive and cruel to you) and start saving yourself and your DC's mental health because they are feeling the repercussions of this too.

Start planning your exit. Get all info on finances and what would happen if he left £ wise. Can you manage without him money wise. If so, seriously what are you waiting for.

They are all treating you with contempt and being very disrespectful. Time to show them all they underestimated you. Your DC won't be upset. After a few weeks they will realise the stress and atmosphere is better and come to terms with their dad being a twat and be glad he is gone.

[egontoste]

[Span1elsRock]

He knows you're unhappy about this relationship but he carries on anyway.

That's not a man who loves you.

Stop being so passive and end it for all of your sakes.

[Cocobean30]

Why the fuck are you putting up with this? Seriously???

[80skid]

Less of wifely duties, what about husband and fatherly duties? You can't just drop your family for a couple of days with no warning, reason or return time? How dare he fuel your daughter's anxiety with his selfish whims and leave you to sort the fallout? Has he always been this self centred?

[BlouseAndSkirt]

Is there a drug problem?
Are they all smoking weed or doing crack together?

[wildcherries]

Tell him to stay where he is. That's the most blatant disrespectful behaviour. My god, what a horrible excuse for a man.

[HappyGoLuckyLuLu]

What an asshat! Did he come home yet? If not maybe message him to tell him not to bother. He has definitely crossed a line here, sending hugs

[VenusTiger]

Am I the only person who doesn’t understand this? what does DH’s married female mean?

I’m tired, maybe that’s why I’m not getting it.

[sallievp]

You deserve so much better than a husband who has a girlfriend!
Get some self respect from somewhere and dump him!
You sound lovely and do not have to put up with this.

[Ginger1982]

He's taking you for an absolute mug!

Get rid!!!!!!