Cooking for another woman's husband

[popsydoodle4444]

Need to get this off my chest.

There's a back story so trying to some it up.DH's BF=married female.She hates me.She'd rather I was out of the way.Seems to think DH is hers and encourages problems in our marriage.

Seems to think I'm a neglectful wife,likes to tell me my house is a shithole and my husband hates coming home.

My DH spends far too much time there and stays over.We have had numerous massive arguments about the intimate nature of their relationship,him staying over,dodging his responsibilities at home and hiding there,him oversharing details of our marriage that's no one else's business and her shitty attitude towards me.

Her DH just goes along with whatever she does.I have a sickening suspicion that my her&my DH have also crossed the friendship line.I don't trust her as far as I can chuck her.She walked out on her ex&their kids for her current DH.

The tensions this causes in our relationship resulted in a temporary separation earlier this year.

Hubby stayed there again last night under the pretence of doing some work for them last night/today.He as usual has acted like myself&our kids don't exist for the last 24 hours which is what he does when he's there.Its complete radio silence from him.

Today I've been trying to pin him down about coming home and he won't give me a definitive answer.My Teen DD called her dad as her dad going off like this makes her anxious and asked him when he's coming home and his reply was he's going to have dinner then come home later.

This means that his BF rather than telling him to go home to his family and eat with me is cooking him dinner and encouraging him to loiter.

This has really infuriated me and I snapped and told him that if she's cooking his dinner then why not let her have a few more of my wifely duties like getting to wash his skid marks out of his underwear and swallowing a mouthful of his semen (that's the polite term I didn't use) and I told him that tonight they've both crossed a boundary.

AIBU in expecting him to do the normal thing of coming home from work to his wife for dinner for instead of continuing to leave me alone with our Children in our home whilst ignoring me.

My friends and family think he's a fool who's serving his own selfish needs and I should take the kids and move out as their all fed up with the way he treats his family.

Thanks for reading,it makes me feel better to just let it all out.

[PollyShelby]

Errrr, no. No thank you.

Tell him to stay there. Permanently

[Coliebean28]

I 100% agree with previous posts, you deserve so much better. Pack his bags and send in a taxi to that "friends" house. Boy byeeeeee pour yourself a glass of wine and lock your front door.

[foooookinghell]

What I'm saying is it is possible for men to have female best friends. Would you still feel angry if it were a male best friend? Sounds like there is no trust there and when that's gone you need to call it quits

[SleepingStandingUp]

"she was male would you still feel this way?" I'm generally considered a"cool wife " in here but if DH was basically out of contact for 24 hours at a time hangin with his male best mate etc yeah, I'd still be in ltb territory

[Itfeelssoreal]

Dealbreaker OP. Divorce him.

[Wherearemycrayons]

Why are you putting up with this?? LTB!

[Passthecherrycoke]

Blimey op. Lock him out and let him stay. Don’t speak to either of them. He couldn’t care less about you and the children

[Amys136]

Is her husband home when he’s there?

[MalaRon]

WTF? Absolutely not. Sack him off.

[popsydoodle4444]

@foooookinghell

I think if she was a he but was behaving in the same way towards me and still doing all the things she does then yes I'd feel the way as they'd still be trying to push me out of my own marriage.

[Sparkletastic]

Put his stuff in bin bags outside the door. Lock and bolt the door. Ignore his inevitable calls.

[popsydoodle4444]

@Amys136

No not home yet,has been gone since 1pm yesterday.

[Bunney2020]

You have to be a bit dense Tartan if you honestly think this woman making a meal is the critical part of this issue.

Leaving OP and their kids on a regular basis to be with her, especially when it's clear DPs child is massively effected by her dad having (Lets call a spade a spade) an emotional affair is the issue. OP, leave this utter wombat he doesn't deserve to swan in and out and have his cake and et it. This is clearly tearing you apart and he has no remorse or sees any wrong doing. I could not be with someone know knowingly damages his children by putting his own needs first.

[Spitsandspots]

I’d be telling him to stay there & not bother coming back!

[FizzyGreenWater]

But why not just dump him?

He's even making your children anxious.

Don't have a row. What's the point? He isn't worth talking to. The important people are your children.

Be civil when he comes home, and tell him that unfortunately you are done and you don't want to be with him any longer. Let him rant and then calmly say 'Well, you do get judged by the company you keep, so...'

Pack his stuff. You've separated before, do it again. Your children need to know where they stand.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Pack his things if he's not there.

[notforonesecond]

He’s obviously shagging her. Why don’t you think you deserve better than someone who doesn’t love you?

[Usernamewillautodestrustin]

Right about now I would be packing his stuff up, moving some money in to my account and finding numbers to get the locks changed as soon as possible.

Your DH prefers to spend time with her than you. This would be all the ammunition I needed to get rid!

[Blankscreen]

I think he' having an affair in plain sight.

It's not all on his terms. I doubt you feel that you can just ltb and will be plagued by self doubt ( not that should be) but when he get home your need to set out the ground rules and be prepared to LTb.

At least you will know you tried.

I would also be speaking to her dh to get his view of their friendship

[Ellie56]

Why are you putting up with this shit? Find some self respect and dump him. He is a selfish twat.

Then bag his stuff up and dump it outside their front door and post his disgusting skid mark pants through the letterbox.

[BillHadersNewWife]

cooking him dinner and encouraging him to loiter.

He's not a dog...he's a dickhead. He makes his own choices...what she does to encourage it is by the by.

Why are you even WANTING him back when he quite patently doesn't want to come back?

You need to leave OP....you're humiliating yourself!

[tensmum1964]

For goodness sake open your eyes. Pack his stuff and send it round in a taxi. Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this. He sounds like a first class prick when he is at home anyway so you have nothing to lose but you could regain your dignity.

[Quartz2208]

stop this is causing your children anxiety now - its time to end it properly

[DoubleFunMum]

Change the locks. I would.

[OlaEliza]

I'd send his stuff over there and change the locks too.

And you don't need to swallow op, you can spit it out.