Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cooking for another woman's husband

184 replies

popsydoodle4444 · 27/11/2019 19:20

Need to get this off my chest.

There's a back story so trying to some it up.DH's BF=married female.She hates me.She'd rather I was out of the way.Seems to think DH is hers and encourages problems in our marriage.

Seems to think I'm a neglectful wife,likes to tell me my house is a shithole and my husband hates coming home.

My DH spends far too much time there and stays over.We have had numerous massive arguments about the intimate nature of their relationship,him staying over,dodging his responsibilities at home and hiding there,him oversharing details of our marriage that's no one else's business and her shitty attitude towards me.

Her DH just goes along with whatever she does.I have a sickening suspicion that my her&my DH have also crossed the friendship line.I don't trust her as far as I can chuck her.She walked out on her ex&their kids for her current DH.

The tensions this causes in our relationship resulted in a temporary separation earlier this year.

Hubby stayed there again last night under the pretence of doing some work for them last night/today.He as usual has acted like myself&our kids don't exist for the last 24 hours which is what he does when he's there.Its complete radio silence from him.

Today I've been trying to pin him down about coming home and he won't give me a definitive answer.My Teen DD called her dad as her dad going off like this makes her anxious and asked him when he's coming home and his reply was he's going to have dinner then come home later.

This means that his BF rather than telling him to go home to his family and eat with me is cooking him dinner and encouraging him to loiter.

This has really infuriated me and I snapped and told him that if she's cooking his dinner then why not let her have a few more of my wifely duties like getting to wash his skid marks out of his underwear and swallowing a mouthful of his semen (that's the polite term I didn't use) and I told him that tonight they've both crossed a boundary.

AIBU in expecting him to do the normal thing of coming home from work to his wife for dinner for instead of continuing to leave me alone with our Children in our home whilst ignoring me.

My friends and family think he's a fool who's serving his own selfish needs and I should take the kids and move out as their all fed up with the way he treats his family.

Thanks for reading,it makes me feel better to just let it all out.

OP posts:
greenritta · 27/11/2019 20:15

yup. You can blame her but only for her attitude towards you. The rest, the staying over and getting dinner rather than getting home, is solely your DH's fault. You see the problem. She probably does as well. If he doesn't, then you need to act...

NancyJoan · 27/11/2019 20:17

Whether or not they are having an affair, he definitely doesn't want to be with you.

BrassTactical · 27/11/2019 20:17

She’s not your problem, HE IS.

Dump and run, seriously Confused

Cherry83 · 27/11/2019 20:17

The problem here is your DH who should be distancing himself from a woman who has made clear her dislike of you. Instead he has done the opposite.

Do you suspect DH is reinforcing her dislike by saying negative things about you? If he isn't jumping to your defensive each time she bad mouths you he is not worth keeping. Sorry OP.

ThatsMeInTheSpotlight · 27/11/2019 20:18

Tell him not to come back. Honestly, the separation has had no impact. He's taking the piss and what a rubbish example for your DD. This is what she'll expect relationships to look like. Give her something to look up to and tell your DH it's over.

Mamawingingit1234 · 27/11/2019 20:18

What a shit situation to be in. Sounds like you been together along time but I think it’s time you put you and your children first.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/11/2019 20:19

Listen to your friends

Brunts12 · 27/11/2019 20:22

Pack his bags and send in a taxi to that "friends" house. Boy byeeeeeewinewine pour yourself a glass of wine and lock your front door.
I would totally do that 👆🏻
So sorry you have to deal with all this crap OP. You and your children deserve better Flowers

jelly79 · 27/11/2019 20:22

This is unbelievable OP. This would / should only ever happen once and the line has well and truly been crossed. You have split before because of this so he knows what this is doing to you and the kids yet he still chooses to do it for whatever reason despite you asking him to come home.

Disgusting behaviour. Don't tolerate it.

You've already said it makes your DC anxious! Enough is enough surely

Leflic · 27/11/2019 20:26

I’m normally the first to blame OW for ruining relationships.

This is 100% your husband telling you he’s gone ( but being too chicken to go). Let him go. Honestly, he’s a pathetic speciman. He can still have a relationship with his children.

BogStandardMe · 27/11/2019 20:28

I disagree that he is the problem. They are BOTH the problem.

You don't need people like this in your life. It sounds absolutely toxic. Who needs a bitch a like her and a dick like him. Seriously what on Earth are you getting from this?

Get rid of him! Let her (and her poor husband) look after him. Seriously look at the effect he has on your children. Your daughter is anxious because of him. And he doesn't care!

Ditch both of them!

Serin · 27/11/2019 20:32

Oh come on.
Is this actually real?
Surely no one would put up with this.
Kick him out.
I'd have put him under the patio years ago.

formerbabe · 27/11/2019 20:33

Anyone else baffled as to why this woman's husband is putting up with another man in his house?!

MulticolourMophead · 27/11/2019 20:35

Anyone else baffled as to why this woman's husband is putting up with another man in his house?!

Might be a threesome....

JenniferM1989 · 27/11/2019 20:38

Pack his bags and put them in the garden, send him a message saying you're done and he can piss off then the next time you see her, give her a good hard slap in the face and tell her she can have your sloppy seconds

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 27/11/2019 20:38

I’m sorry, I’ve genuinely not worked out the first sentence. I don’t understand from what you have said what the relationship is between your H and this woman.

chachachachachacha · 27/11/2019 20:38

I'd divorce him.

MunchMunch · 27/11/2019 20:40

Sounds like he's having some sort of affair and tbh I wouldn't be surprised if her dh was in on it 🤷🏻‍♀️

LTB

BarbedBloom · 27/11/2019 20:42

My ex had a friend like this. They're married now.

Even if you overlook the boundary overstepping, he clearly sees you as second choice and isn't in any rush to see his wife and children. That tells you all you need to know about where you stand, I'm afraid.

HollowTalk · 27/11/2019 20:43

As others have said, send his stuff around in a taxi. Call a friend and ask her to stay overnight. Send a message with his crap saying that he is dumped. Good luck to him with a woman who's already left her own children for another man - she sounds horrendous.

BillHadersNewWife · 27/11/2019 20:43

Bathsheba It's something like "Dhs married female friend, she hates me and I hate her"

dognamedspot · 27/11/2019 20:44

He's the problem. Don't move out, move him out as many have said above. He's not pet being shut in a cupboard at hers and not allowed out, he's an adult father and husband who is choosing to neglect his family.

JemSynergy · 27/11/2019 20:45

He know this torments you but he continues to stay there. That alone would make me consider leaving him. Your husband shouldn't be deliberately making you unhappy, he should be considering your feelings.

PixieDustt · 27/11/2019 20:47

YANBU.
Staying over and you don't trust her. C'mon OP trust your gut instinct.
I would not encourage my DP to do this and if he did he'd be out. He has a home and family. He doesn't need to stay there.
The fact he allows her to talk about you in such a way shows so much lack of respect.
He doesn't care what you feel about her as he puts her higher up than you.
I'm so sorry but I bet you there is more to this than a friendship

Lilymossflower · 27/11/2019 20:50

Change the locks while he is out

Make plans to leave him asap with the kids

He clearly only cares for himself and not you or the kids as sad as it is

You will all be better off without him

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread