To allow child a day off to miss this?

[biscuitsteaandgin]

School have decreed all children will participate in a musical performance (singing and dancing.)

Child really doesn’t want to.

Would you let them miss a day?

Considering the pressure on schools at the moment, it’s unlikely they would devote an entire day to doing something useless.

Oh God - "team bonding". Shoot me now.

There are plenty of ways to encourage resilience, positive attitude and all that stuff without public humiliation.

Just because the school think it's a good idea, doesn't mean the children or parents have to agree. A valuable lesson for children to learn is to think for themselves, decide whether or not an activity is worthwhile and useful - or a crock of shite. If the latter - well, you decide how to deal with it. Refuse to do it. Do it badly. Do as little as you can decently get away with just to show willing because there's something riding on it - whatever. Or just blindly follow orders because you're incapable of deciding for yourself if something is right or wrong,

Yep. If you consider that most of us answering YANBU are doing so based on experiences when we were young and forced to do stuff like this, it would appear 'resilience' is the very last thing those experiences built 😂

You don't cure fears by forcing someone to confront them. Plenty of science to support that self determination is critical. Either that or a much slower and gradual exposure at a level someone is comfortable with.

Lol at the people suggesting that this is some sort of preparation for having to do things you don't want to as an adult! I would never do this, so I wouldn't make a child do it either. It's not an important life lesson and it's not comparable to not wanting to do maths! Let the poor child escape.

So what happens if all/most of the kids in the group with OP's child also don't want to do it and don't turn up?

Let them skip it, if it's not compulsory education ie on the syllabus then sod them. You're child can say no to things they don't have to/need to do. Children should not be made to do things they don't feel comfortable doing, I think that's the most important lesson to teach

Things like this made me incredibly anxious as a child. If my mother had ever listened to me even once and let me out of this type of excruciating bollocks, I might like her a bit more now.

This kind of enforced public humiliation is only done to children. If my work asked me to do this, I'd tell them to stick it up their arses, so I don't see why you'd make your child do it.

Id allow a day off
Not worth the stress
I dont buy into this the school says "jump" so we say "how high" BS
Singing and dancing like that isnt a must do to be successful in life

We actually not going to the christmas performance tonight that school claims all must go to, for some reason dd class part is a religious theme piece where boys are shepherds and girls are angels (public school so shouldnt IMO)
Dd dont want to be a part of that so we not going. Her choice and her words as to why, "christmas is about santa and elves". I fully support her right to be free from religion

Would you let them miss a day?

Nope. We all have to learn to do things we don't want to within reason. It's a good lesson for life.

So what happens if all/most of the kids in the group with OP's child also don't want to do it and don't turn up?

The school hopefully takes it on that many thinks its a BS idea

I’m a teacher and would previously have said, yes make them go, but now I have changed my opinion. I think we push children too much & if your child really doesn’t want to do it, then don’t make them. By 12 years old, they know if they like drama and singing. Find the area which children enjoy & celebrate that!

@KatherineJaneway kids already have to do so much crap they don't want to in school (cross country in February anyone?) surely we can draw the line at having to humiliate yourself in front of your peers for no obvious reason?

Yes I'd let them have the day off
My mum always has my back in situations like this and now as an adult I appreciate her so much for that
My mum is the best

What completely pointless skills could it teach?

1. Taking a deep breath and doing something despite nerves/fear of failure.

1. Working and communicating in a team.

1. Following direction.

1. Being aware of your body and using it in different ways to ones you are accustomed to.

1. Good breathing technique. Breath control. Posture.

1. Appreciating that the sum of the parts can be greater than that of the individuals.

1. Doing something different isn't a reason to run to Mummy to hide behind her skirts.

1. Stopping and listening.

1. Appreciating other's abilities and strengths and possibly finding some of your own that you didn't know you had.

10. Understanding that to achieve something big or complicated can involve many different things.

11. That perseverance and practice results in improvement.

12. That being looked at is not equivalent to a painful death.

13. That the Year 11 Foreign Language Speaking Test is doable.

14. That being nervous, anxious or uncomfortable is part and parcel of life and more is gained from acknowledging those feelings than always surrendering to them.

and maybe they might even enjoy it a bit once they are there. Plenty of the best performers/achievers in Music/Drama/Law/Foreign Languages had an absolute horror of doing it in Year 7, but have got through it. One I literally had to coax onto stage aged 14 and is now taking a degree in Music. Others who would tit about or throw a temper tantrum as advised by MN by sulking on the stage and embarrassing themselves publicly have since discovered that they love the idea of 'performing' and are now studying Law/in teacher training/performing regularly for fun and/or profit.

I'd just be telling the school to shove it, tbh. It's not curriculum, nor life skill relevant. Rather they taught them about savings and money management than a pissing dance competition 🤷‍♀️

Alternatively @MitziK how about having your kids back and teaching them that they have a right to say 'No' to something they don't feel comfortable with, and some level of autonomy to make their own decisions. Especially when it is something utterly trivial

You can encourage them, sure. But teaching people how to say 'no' is a life skill most need to learn, for their own sake, instead of people pleasing a sodding teacher.

Keep him off. This is a completely unnecessary activity which will only distress him. By letting him stay at home you are teaching him that it is OK to stand up to unfair and unreasonable demands from 'authority'.

I would make him do it. I do think it builds resiliency. Adults who constantly swerve anything that makes them uncomfortable are rarely very successful. They need to be flexible. I'd be working on strategies to lessen his anxiety but he'd be doing it.

Yes mitzik, but most of those skills can also be learnt through other activities or sports that the child might actually enjoy.

For me this comes down to how distressed they would be. If we are talking about experiencing the equivalent of a panic attack because of a fear of performing on stage, then yes, I would ‘let’ them be unwell that day.
If they just don’t fancy it, feel a bit embarrassed or cba then no, they should do it.
At 12 they should be able to understand the different approaches.

It is amazing how people can make such definitive statements about a situation they know absolutely nothing about!

Honestly, the most important lesson you can teach DC these days is authority is not always on your side. 'Obedience' is not a good quality to instill. When people with power over you make unreasonable demands, it's fine to tell them (perhaps more diplomatically) to shove it. There will be enough DC in his class who would be very keen to participate, so let those DC do it, and the rest either have a day off or have another activity arranged for them.

As I said upthread, it's probably supposed to be fun. Positive, creative, fun.

By forcing everyone to perform - which is critically different to expecting everyone to participate - they've killed that dead.

Why do people think it's acceptable to force dc to do these things but as adults we can choose?
Children have a much right to have there voice heard. As a parent you can tell the difference if your child doesn't want tooting they Are terrible uncomfortable about it.
Why force children to have memories of such comfortable situations?
We should respect allow dc needs.

The singing and dancing isn't the point.

It's about doing something you're not comfortable with, that isn't going to harm you, everyone has to do it, so it's character building.

Really sending the wrong message to just let them cop out.

Life will present many challenges, we've all had to do stuff at school we were shit at, we got on with it as our Mam didn't let us skive off.