To allow child a day off to miss this?

[biscuitsteaandgin]

School have decreed all children will participate in a musical performance (singing and dancing.)

Child really doesn’t want to.

Would you let them miss a day?

If you do a presentation at work they don't whisper and take the piss out of you, never to be forgotten. School kids will.

Not if they're all doing the same presentation. Also, I think people overstate how bad the majority of kids are in scenarios like this. I went to a rough secondary school. Think graffiti, no toilet doors because people had pulled them off, the works. I was a typically unattractive nerd who had a group of a few friends but was taunted fairly frequently by some of the more insecure popular crowd. I once had a period flood in the middle of a lesson and it was very very obvious. Everyone saw. The teacher told me to take my bag with me to sort myself out and I was mortified, but not a single person ever said anything else to me about it. Not one. I don't think in general kids are that bad, unless you're someone who already has a bully problem, in which case that needs sorting out first and foremost.

They might talk about you but it's likely to be sympathetically unless all your work colleagues are total arseholes.

Trust me, the kids that took the kids at school are the same ones that take the piss as adults.

I do think you were fortunate with that rhino, unless you possibly have another reason for sharing that story, but to be honest other people’s reactions aren’t really here or there.

If you feel self conscious singing and dancing, doing so in front of an audience will not be fun. It will be miserable.

@Notodontidae

I get what you're saying but my anxiety then (and now) was based solely around having to 'perform' in front of others. I just don't get why as a 6 year old I wasn't given the choice of whether I wanted to take part or not. If it's part of the curriculum that's a bit different, but adjustments could still be made for children who do have anxiety about public speaking. I'd much rather have done my talk in front of 5 of my friends or a group of teachers, than a whole class who just sit there laughing as you speak. Just think it should be taken into account the effects anxiety can have on a person.

I do think you were fortunate with that rhino, unless you possibly have another reason for sharing that story

Such as?

My point is in response to those suggesting that joining in with a compulsory school performance would be tantamount to social suicide. These days most children aren't really that bad. We spend all of primary school teaching them to be kind and tolerant and I think it does have an impact. I'd imagine that pretty much everyone has at least one embarrassing school story.

So many people who seem to think the arts has no relevance in a non-entertainment career. So fucking depressing. The arts is present in everything; it's science, it's maths, it's social skills, it's EVERYTHING.

Send your child in, they should learn that they don't get to slide out of things that others depend on them for just because they don't particularly enjoy it. They can stand at the back and just hop if they want to, but they need to do it.

It's not that I think children should be allowed to not participate it's just the compulsory performing that I'd be concerned about. If life is about team work then not every member of the team does the same thing. Make the participation appropriate to people's strengths. That's what builds confidence. Maybe this time next year, the kids who were terrified might decide that they want to sing and dance because it looked fun. Gentle steps, not just throwing nervous children onto a stage and making them perform. And worse, telling them that it's fun. No one can decide for someone else whether something is fun.

If when this was planned your child had said to you, I’m really uncomfortable with this and I don’t want to do it, and therefore giving you plenty of time to contact the member of staff organising it and talk to them about your concerns and your child’s anxiety and to come up with a plan. If then member of staff had ignored them/dismissed your child’s anxietythen I wouldn’t send them in.

If this only came about last night then I would be having a few words about not discussing it sooner and send them in but contacting the school first or sending in a note. It’s okay to be anxious and not want to do something but you need to teach your child the right way to deal with it. If enough of them are off, you never know it could just be postponed and your child could be faced with this on their return.

@biscuitsteaandgin phone the school, tell them your child is having some serious worries and upset about it and ask what they propose.

With the current reports of increasing children's MH they need to consider it seriously

OP, I teach and can tell you with absolute sincerity that there is a correlation between those children who are allowed to skip school to avoid something they don't want to do in Y7,8,9 and those who struggle cope with any unwanted expectation by Y12.

I think it is sending him a very negative message indeed if you keep him off, and setting a precedent.

If everyone is taking part then there will be many, many children dreading the day, taking on minor roles and doing a bad job of it; he certainly won't be the only one feeling like this.

By sending him in you give him the message that you support the school and their decisions about a rounded education, that it is good to overcome your fears, that non-attendance will let down his group.

As pp have said, some children feel like this every single day about maths or PE or whatever, but have no choice in the matter.

Even if he hates it, he will come home relieved and knowing that he can get through anything.

Oh for goodness sake, op- just provide a bit more information!

Individual performances - can see why you might agree to miss
Full tutor group performances - you would be very unreasonable to miss

'Not wanting to' - not a good reason to miss
Desperately anxious to the extent of crying, not sleeping, tummy aches - good reason to miss or at least talk to school.

Isn't it more about team work though? If people don't turn up, just cos it's not their thing, the others that do are each more exposed. I don't think it's a great lesson, to leave other people to do the shit you don't like.

Don’t send him. I would have loved for my parents to keep me off for the annual cross country competition, funnily enough I never run now because having to do it in snow ruined it for me. It’s singing and dancing - it’s not going to hurt to miss it.

@biscuitsteaandgin is there a reason why you're not engaging properly and just being really vague?

You're not mentioning your DC at all just general terms about the school and all the students?

I think perhaps you are the teacher/at the school rather than a parent?

(hence your disingenuousness and the refusal to engage properly as you know you will be held to account for the wheelchair comment as coming from you rather than made to you).

I hate this compulsory shit when there are dcs that clearly feel uncomfortable doing it. Unless your dc has a pivotal part which would destroy the whole show then let them have the day off. It should only be kids that want to do it. My dcs secondary school it's only if you want to audition. It's one day. It doesn't teach kids anything. Why put your dc through this. YANBU

Please just go into the school and TALK about the effect this is having on your child. TELL them. How are they supposed to know the issues and support if they don't know. You said it's 'expected' that several children might end up off that day. Who is expecting this? Is this something your child has said. If so many children don't want to do this then the school needs to KNOW so they can change or adapt the idea. In this X-factor age they probably think children would find it 'fun' . I was the type of child who was on the 'oh God no way' side as is my daughter. But if you just let your child have the day off then the school won't know the real reason and keep on doing this event.
TALK to them because you are giving the message to your child that anxiety is something you should keep secret and not talk about.

“ TALK to them because you are giving the message to your child that anxiety is something you should keep secret and not talk about.”
Agreed. But this thread is also giving the message that anxiety is just being a bit worried about something. Which it isn’t. Everybody is assuming that the OP’s child is distressed or anxious or suffering. All we actually know is that he doesn’t want to do it. Which does no favours either to the many children who actually do have anxiety and need appropriate support or the many children who need a bit of encouragement to do something new. Or, indeed, the children who need to be told to stop whining and get on with it.

That's a good point Bertrand. I wrote my post feeling a bit emotional having just had a massive battle to get my daughter to school as she is having massive anxiety issues at the moment (we are in the process of asd referals).
As the OP hasn't actually said the reason why her child doesn't want to take part it is hard to offer full advice.

No I'd make him go and tell him to mime.Ds 5 is already very self conscious in public and told me "singing in front of people is the worst thing in my whole life" not that hes dramatic..

Hence why it's probably better to avoid this but in years to come a work presentation would be far easier when the time comes.*

Of course they do. If you stutter, go bright red and get flustered OF COURSE work colleagues talk about you.

But how would it if you've never done it?

How is singing and dancing in front of the school or doing sports day in any way the same as a work presentation? Most kids have had to do a presentation on an assignment, a PowerPoint, a speech in English for their verbal assessment, whatever it was, in front of their class of around 30. I know I have, I didn't enjoy it but I did it. That's similar to a work presentation. Singing and dancing or running around a track? Forget about it.

It’s more the dancing than the singing causing embarrassment. Have told school, they just say everyone does it.

@biscuitsteaandgin if you believe your child shouldn't have to participate why are you not fighting their corner and telling the school the impact it's having on the child.

He and you need to suck it up - sometimes in life we have to do things we don't always want to. You are teaching him bad habits

So hang on- it’s a whole school competition, everybody has to take part in groups of 10. For an average sized secondary school and allowing 10 minutes per group (getting on-performing-getting off again) isn’t that something like 15 hours non stop? Even if the people on crutches and in wheelchairs don’t take part?