To not allow DS to come home for Xmas

[peekachew]

Apologies for the slightly clickbait-y title.

Last week DS moved to NZ for 6 months in order to continue training for a very niche profession. He has expressed wishes to come home for Xmas but would only actually be home for 6 days! I think it's pointless given plane tickets are easily £1500 a pop Not to mention the 24+ hrs of travel required.

He's a young sociable lad who has the world at his feet, surely it's not unreasonable to expect him to spend Xmas over there. I know he is missing our 3 dogs (grew up with them) and wants a traditional (i.e cold) Xmas. We do have the money if it makes a difference but it's such a waste imo.

Also, he's offered to pay half.

@tenredthings hopefully you don’t have any children, or use a car. Because you should be doing your bit for the planet 🙄

@Butterflykaren

if you don’t want your son to come home for an occasion such as Christmas, should you even be a mother?

Bit late to push a 22 year back up the fanjo and to the womb, no?

You are such an over dramatic llama.

It’s not even the OPs son. The parents sound nice and caring. It’s the sister (OP) who isn’t

And people wonder why Millenials and 20-somethings are so lacking in resilience and common sense nowadays. hmm

I agree! I worked abroad for a year at that and I paid for all my travel costs, including going home.

Just because you can afford a £1500 ticket doesn’t necessarily mean you should pay it.

Why the fuck hadn’t he saved any money?!

I get that Derbee, but I responded based on Butterfly ‘s understanding.

Very I interesting!

I know someone whose son travelled to NZ in the last couple of weeks to start a commercial pilot course, too.

You need to cut the apron strings.

Hah firstly, they're 14 and 8, so you're being entirely ridiculous and look a bit of a tool.

Secondly, all this "no wonder millennials blah blah blah" bollocks is just that; bollocks. I am 38, educated and independent. My parents don't subsidise my life, nor do they pander to me. But if I called them today and asked them to book me a flight across the other side of the world they'd do it with bells on because their immediate reaction to every situation has always been "can we help make our children happy". And so as adults my siblings and I are strong, independent, well-travelled, confident and even bolshy, safe in the knowledge that our parents would go to the ends of the earth for us even now.

If that causes you distress, it speaks volumes about you.

Why the fuck hadn’t he saved any money?!

Probably because a 22 year old undertaking £100k of training doesn’t have a lot of spare cash?

Is being bolshy something to aspire to? Seems we've got rather too many bolshy people in power right now. Having a very high opinion of yourself and what is due to you isn't an attractive attribute.

@FudgeBrownie2019

you're being entirely ridiculous and look a bit of a tool.

You’re using hyperbolic language like ‘moving heaven on earth to get them where they want to be’, yet I’m the ridiculous one?! Ok love

I’m not in distress, I’m finding your ridiculous attempts to show what an amazing mother you are quite funny

@Derbee

Probably because a 22 year old undertaking £100k of training doesn’t have a lot of spare cash?

I doubt he paid the 100k himself, which is fine. To then guilt trip your parents to get you home after a few weeks is very entitled.

It’s something uniquely “Mumsnet” that children are thrown to the wolves at 18!

Absolutely this! I honestly don't know anyone in real life whose parents left them to their own devices once they turned 18 and honestly can't imagine wanting to do it to my own DC.

@FudgeBrownie2019

If my DC decide to head out and never look back that's great

What, at the age of 8?!

I mean his friends will probably be with their families at cmas. I wouldn't want to risk him spending it alone tbh

Haha excellent, we'll just laugh at one another shall we?

Your assumptions and words are ridiculous. Chuck a snowflake in and you've got MN bingo!

It really is between your brother and your parents. Give it no more headspace.

Derbee - are we only allowed to talk about global warming and the need to cut carbon emissions if we live in a mud house and eat worms? Flying to the UK from NZ, and back again, for a 6 day Christmas visit is insanely selfish in terms of the climate. Very wasteful in terms of expense too. Is there really nothing more important to spend that money on? Maybe give it to charity, if it's burning a hole in your pocket? My major concern here is that these people have brought up a young man to think that flying very long distance for a very short visit, for fun, is ok. He's also seemingly immature.

@FudgeBrownie2019 ok earth mother ... or should that be heaven and earth mother 😂

It’s something uniquely “Mumsnet” that children are thrown to the wolves at 18!

Except this isn't what's happening here. He's 22 and he's got the opportunity of a lifetime. Pretty much the most expensive training that there is out there, and funded by his parents.
He's been in NZ for a week, and he should be being encouraged to make the most of an adventure that most people would give their eye teeth for.

Parents should be encouraging their kids to make the most of their potential and opportunities. That's what love is. Letting them out into the world with enthusiasm for it.

Not flying someone back from NZ for Christmas isn't exactly throwing them to the wolves, is it? His mates who are not from NZ will no doubt be organising a really fun day in the sun out there.

I know it’s probably alien to some MNers but actually moving across the world is a huge ordeal for some people and perhaps they need more support than others. I really don’t get the big deal and why it’s such a problem if the parents are happy and the brother is happy.

I mean his friends will probably be with their families at cmas. I wouldn't want to risk him spending it alone tbh

I very much doubt it. They've all gone out there together and I imagine that few will have the inclination to miss out on exploring a new country, never mind have parents who'll pay for them to come home.

OMG - a little boy who only behaves well because he hasn't been vaccinated and goes to a PRIVATE nursery. Seen it all now. But that's presumably a joke post.