To not allow DS to come home for Xmas

[peekachew]

Apologies for the slightly clickbait-y title.

Last week DS moved to NZ for 6 months in order to continue training for a very niche profession. He has expressed wishes to come home for Xmas but would only actually be home for 6 days! I think it's pointless given plane tickets are easily £1500 a pop Not to mention the 24+ hrs of travel required.

He's a young sociable lad who has the world at his feet, surely it's not unreasonable to expect him to spend Xmas over there. I know he is missing our 3 dogs (grew up with them) and wants a traditional (i.e cold) Xmas. We do have the money if it makes a difference but it's such a waste imo.

Also, he's offered to pay half.

I'd say the same to my daughter. "Have a fantastic time - you're so lucky to be over there! Make sure you see as much as you can. We'll miss you loads, but we'll Face Time or chat with you on Christmas Day!"

Very different from “what a wuss” or “what a sap”.

And if she still wanted to come home? I’m terribly glad my parents allowed me to know my own mind and not assume the best way for me to have an experience.

You don't know what Christmas will be your last. Appreciate the time you have together. I have buried a sister, best friend, and childhood friend all at tragic young ages. You don't know. The fact your parents place huge importance on being together is a humungous gift. Don't criticize them for it.

Is he a bit of a golden boy?

Of course, it's their business, in the end, but he's at such a great age to do something different, even if for just one Christmas.

Totally baffled
If my boy wanted to come back (especially if willing to put £750 down on a flight home) then there is not a chance, not a chance! I’d turn him down.

He’s old enough to know what he wants to do, and he wants to bloody come home for Christmas.

What was the discussion / decision about this before he left OP? There must have been one. Do you know?

It seems late to be buying flights for Christmas - surely at a premium now, especially so for the few days around Christmas itself. Surely cheaper if planned and bought earlier.

I wonder whether there's something going on that you don't know about. Some crisis or upset. Something more than just 'decided on a whim that he felt like being home for Christmas'.

People are making comparisons to DC who live abroad coming 'home' for Christmas. That's not comparable. He's only there for six months. He only left last week. This is nothing like a case of 'haven't seen them for a year'.

A family member of mine was in a head-on collision last year, with a young lad in his early twenties. He was on his way to buy a card for his mum. Neither driver did anything wrong, the only thing they can think is that he had a relatively minor problem with his car that might have caused it. He died at the scene, so we'll never know for sure. So did a passenger in one of the cars. And others had life-changing injuries. And it happened in a split-second - one minute it's all fine. The next you are not.

Tomorrow isn't promised, op. Whether your parents pay for a flight or not is not your business, at all. But stop taking life for granted.

PickAChew Is he a bit of a golden boy?

I'm sensing there must be a lot of golden glows and a lot of snowing going on where this man is concerned.

YANBU OP. All those airmiles for 6 days!
Why didn't he plan his trip for after Christmas! (if the course date aren't fixed).

If I was his sister I'd probably feel the same, it is pretty entitled of him to offer to 'pay half' when I'm assuming he's already being funded for his training (?).

But ultimately he might be struggling with homesickness and as much as it would be better for him to celebrate with his coursemates he might be buoyed up by the thought of christmas at home. At the start if uni I really struggled and would have found the thought of not going home at Christmas difficult. Your parents may also feel £750 is worth paying to not have their christmas dominated by thinking of their boy feeling lonely and left out.

If one of my DC wanted to fly home for Christmas and I had the means to make it happen I wouldn't question it.

In all my years I've never had a Christmas away from my parents no matter how far-flung my adventures; Christmas is spent at home. If my DC decide to head out and never look back that's great. If they call me and ask me to book them a flight, I'll move heaven and earth to get them where they want to be.

I get your point... but surely you want your son home for Christmas.

It's better for our planet if people fly as little as possible. How ironic that he is training to be a pilot.

OP, why not have a late Christmas when he gets back?

Thefaceofboe it's her brother, not her son.

I thought it was mean spirited even when it was your money, it’s definitely so when it’s your parents.
For many people Christmas with your family is really important. Clearly it is for your mum and dad, and brother too. The fact you put less weight on that than your family do is irrelevant. It’s their choice.

It's your parent's money so it's your parent's decision. People are different. My own DB missed some Xmases at home when he was younger as he was a touring musician and it didn't bother him. I've never missed spending a single Xmas with my parents, it would have devastated me. I've been lucky in that we've always lived close (except 2 years and they traveled to us) and my parents and iLs got on like a house afire so we always celebrated together.

My DNephew was a commercial pilot. It takes ages to get seniority so once he starts working he's going to be gone over the holidays a lot. It's one of the reasons my DN switched to flying corporate & private jets.

Just shrug your shoulders and be happy to see your brother and have the family together.

YABU, my daughter is also in NZ. Her first Christmas there was miserable. She was so homesick and missing everyone. Christmas is a funny time of year emotionally for all sorts of reasons. A time will come when you will give anything to have them come home for Christmas.

@FudgeBrownie2019

If they call me and ask me to book them a flight, I'll move heaven and earth to get them where they want to be.

You need to cut the apron strings.

I'd be more worried about the environmental issues than anything else but since he's training to be a pilot that ship's sailed, as it were.

I just think my parents place way too much value on seeing/being with their kids. We're not going anywhere.

I agree with pp. You don't know this. Plus a few other things occur to me - if it is a mistake for him to come home, it is his mistake to make. At 22 it is his decision. If your parents give him some of the money, that's their call. I think YABU and did before you said you're actually his sister. Plus, you don't know how he is feeling out there and may not unless and until he comes back. At that age I had some very rocky times and being that far away from family at Christmas would have been very hard for me.

Hes only just left, and what a massive carbon footprint

Havaina If they call me and ask me to book them a flight, I'll move heaven and earth to get them where they want to be.

And people wonder why Millenials and 20-somethings are so lacking in resilience and common sense nowadays.

He’s going to spend almost as much time in the air, hanging around at stopovers and travelling to and from the airport as back at your parent’s home, not to mention the bad jet lag, waste of money etc.

And people wonder why Millenials and 20-somethings are so lacking in resilience and common sense nowadays

My parents would have done exactly the same. I have no problems with resilience or common sense - both developed in a loving, supportive environment.

It’s something uniquely “Mumsnet” that children are thrown to the wolves at 18!

And people wonder why Millenials and 20-somethings are so lacking in resilience and common sense nowadays
Ah that old chestnut.. surprised you didn’t use the DM favourite of “snowflake”

He shouldn't come home. We are facing a climate crisis. The CO2 emissions just one way for one person is equivalent to driving average car for a year.